A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend more than anything and I know he loves me too. We are like perfect together and I trust him with all my heart which is really hard since I've been hurt really bad by my ex. We both agreed not to talk about his sexual past. I'm still a virgin and I don't think I need to hear about his sexual past because it will bug me and I don't want to wreck this relationship. Anyways, last night I was with my boyfriend and his best friend. His friend is really cool and my boyfriend said he thinks I'm awesome. My bf friend last night told me that he known my bf for 7 years and he would never hurt or cheat on me, but then he started talking about how he used to be a man whore and slept with countless number of girls and most of them were one night stands. Then he started saying he still has the opportunity to sleep with his ex gf, and so many girls talk about how "big" my boyfriend is and how all these girls want him. I got extremely hurt by this and my bf told him to stop but his friend didn't know it would bug me. I left his house and my bf texted me trying to cheer me up and it made me sick to my stomach to know he's slept with so many girls and girls still want him and talk about how "big" he is. My bf felt really bad and told his friend how I felt and it was wrong and he apologized but it's still bugging me really bad when I think about it. I felt heartbroken about it last night when I heard all this. My bf said it was along time ago and he's a completely different person and he loves me, but I still can't get the thought out of my head?
View related questions:
best friend, ex girlfriend, heartbroken, his ex, my ex, one night stand, sexual past, still a virgin, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2013): I agree with Sageoldguy1465. #1 and #2 are irreconcilable.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 December 2013):
 Actual formula that you revealed:
1. Prospective B/F is a man-whore,
2. You are a virgin who wants to have a true-blue B/F,
3. Numbers 1 and 2 are irreconcilable.
4. "...bf said it was along time ago and he's a completely different person and he loves me..." He said that to all those OTHER girls/conquests, too....
You know where this is leading...
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2013): OP, if this bothers you a lot, then there is no way you will be able to establish a trusting relationship. I really feel your pain! I would be upset too, I don't think I want to meet someone who has a very different set of values!
People's opinion on your quesion will vary. Promiscuous people are more likely to say past is past, don't be insecure. Less promiscuous people will say past does matter.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2013): I would be bothered too. Yes it was in the past BUT how someone behaves in their sex life even in the past still says something about their character.Sleeping around indiscriminately a lot, is not something I respect. Even if you are a guy and single. To me it smacks of either insecurity or at best an attitude that sex partners are easily interchangeable. I don't see anything wrong with knowing he had slept with ex girlfriends if they were real relationships and just happened not to work out in the end. But just indiscrimintaley sleeping with a ton of people seems to be like this guy does not think sex is anything special. To him having sex is like a hobby. So now when you are in a relationship with him, is it likely that all of a sudden he has a change of attitude about sex and will think it is important enough to reserve only for your relationship?.I guess I see this as his attitude toward sex. If he was single and felt that sex is something that is separate from a relationship then what's to say that attitude goes away just because he is now in a relationship?Plus, people who sleep around a lot get used to having a lot of variety. That is going to make monogamy harder once it is required.Again, I am not talking about having slept with previous girlfriends within serious relationships. I dont have anything against dating people who (surprise surprise) have been in at least one relationship in the past. I am talking about the casual carefree interchangeable and hobby attitude to sex.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2013): like i think that just the fact that he wants to stay with you when he could so very easily go back to those girls that want him so bad is just a testament in and of itself. He wants to be with you even when he has those temptations.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 December 2013):
 My husband was a man-whore in his youth. Everyone told me. It kind of slowed it down for us for a while, but the thing is I WASN'T dating his past or his dick. I has DATING the guy. One thing I DID insist on was STD panel and AIDS/HIV test and we BOTH did that.
We have been married almost 17 years, faithfully.
You can't hold his past against him. Him having been a man-whore is his PAST. Doesn't mean he will want to sleep with EVEN more women.
Sometimes it take a GOOD woman to make a guy get off the sleep with anyone that offers carousel.
Him having a PAST is NOT indicative of his future. UNLESS he was a serial cheater on top of the whole man-whore thing. Then I might have a little harder trusting that will stay faithful.
BUT (and it's a BIG ONE)
Has he done anything that makes you think you can't trust him? That he will cheat?
Have you considered that his friend was indirectly putting his FRIEND (your bf) down to make himself look cool?
Some guys don't understand that being a man-whore is RARELY a compliment.
His friend is an asshat. Hands down.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2013): I never said ALL promiscuous guys cheat, although they are more likely to cheat.
I speak from general experience.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2013): Like many other posters, I think this is entirely his friend's problem.
Your boyfriend has done nothing wrong, and he was quick to reassure you. He can't help what he has done in the past, but he can help what he does in the future with you.
My boyfriend was also promiscuous when he was younger, but he has been an excellent partner to me and sexual history is no reason not to trust someone (unless it involves cheating, but it doesn't seem to be an issue for your boyfriend). The bottom line is if your boyfriend genuinely loves you, even if there were hordes of girls chasing after him it wouldn't matter a bit. There's a reason he's with you and not with them.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (15 December 2013):
 To the anonymous poster. Comparing criminal history and sexual history is apples and oranges. They are completely different things. I had a long list of sexual conquests when I was younger, but am the most faithful and loving person you could ever be with when I commit my heart to someone. I have many friends who were much the same, as well.
Just because you've slept with people before in no way makes you a bad partner to be with. Now, a prior history of cheating? Yes, perhaps I could see that. but having had handfuls of sexual partners doesn't correlate with cheating in any way. That's why they check your criminal background for employment. A history of theft may lead to another issue with theft. but having had sexual partners while single and being outside of a relationship is not compatible nor applicable to cheating.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2013): If you love a person, then you need to trust him.
But if you really cant get over 'bout what discovered, better break up with him than to always have a paranoia feeling inside of you.
You have 2 choices.
trust him or give up.
So which one?
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2013): You would've found out sooner or later... People always say past is past, but from my experience that is absolutely wrong. If past is just past, why are employers so obsessed with criminal records, personal background, experience etc.? Why does sexual past have to be exempt from all this? Yes past is past, but some people are also more clumsy and make more mistakes. That shows their personality.I hate to say this, and I really don't want to sound judgmental, but promiscuous guys are also more likely to cheat. Even studies show this. So when you and your boyfriend are having ups and downs, it is pretty likely he will get in touch with his exes or ex-partners. I've read way too many questions on Dearcupid from girls who found out that their boyfriends got in touch with their exes from YEARS ago.In your case, the bigger problem is that those girls are so available to him.I strongly suggest that you break up with this guy and find someone whose sexual history is similar to yours. In relationships there has to be some sort of similarities. I almost guarantee you, you will regret it if you lose your virginity to this guy.I am so sorry I sound harsh, but in the long run, you are better off finding someone who is similar to you.Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (15 December 2013):
The only person you should be mad at, if anyone, is your boyfriends friend. He should have known better than to say things like that to his friends gf. That's never appropriate.
I understand being a bit put off by his words, but your boyfriend hasn't done anything wrong. He asked him to stop and has apologized to you on his behalf. there's nothing else he can do at this point.
I get the feeling it's not so much that the guy was talking about it that's the problem. Rather, it's more along the lines of now you feel insecure. Don't. His past is his past. Everyone has one. But now he is with YOU. However many women he has slept with means nothing anymore. And think of all those pathetic girls who want him and just pity them. You have him. They don't. Feel empowered by this. You've got what they want.
Not everybody has a clean slate like you have. In fact, most don't. Most people have a past. But the past isn't what matters. What matters is the present. Is he a good guy? Does he treat you well and respectfully? Are you happy? If yes to all those, I see no problem here. Try not to let his past get you down. He's human. Be confident and know you're with a guy with experience :D hold your head high.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (15 December 2013):
Well his friend is stupid. Him saying what he told you would bug any girl, virgin or not. And you'll probably get over it, it'll take some time, but you will.
...............................
|
