A
female
age
41-50,
*hitney303
writes:My boyfriend of five years got into some trouble as of late. Anyway, to make a long story short, I had to ask about a court date for him and they said that the only one they had on file was for his divorce. He never told me that he was married. We have a five year old son. I was unsure about how to bring this up to him, but I did. Not in an argumentative way. I told him that I loved him, and this was something that I should have known. I asked him why he couldn't have trusted me with that information. He said that the marriage was over a long time ago and that he thought that it had been annulled but he was taking care of it now. I just don't know what to think. I love him, but I feel betrayed. I was dating (and had a child by) a married man. Although he said that it was over long ago, I think I should have known. When I brought it up to him, he told me that he was worried about other things and that it was not important and he didn't want to have to talk about it right now. I said I didn't know when a good time was because he never thought it was important enough to tell me before. Do I leave him? Do I stay? Should I be angry? I don't know what to do.
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 The past is the past. You are now living in the present.
Would it change events if he told you that he was separated and seeking a divorce?
Anyway that is now history and what concerns you now is the present and future.
He may have his own ideas and you may not agree with him.
Don't make it a big issue.He loves you and that is all that matters.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): I agree with you, you should of know, even if he thought it was annulled, I don't think you should be with someone five years and not them not tell you, that you had been married but the was annulled. As to if you should stay or go, is this the only trouble you have had with him, is everything else good? If it is then I think you can get past this, as long as he understands that you don't want any more 'surprises'.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 April 2010):
He did lie, so you don't know what else he will lie about. But it's worth hearing him out, just once, as he might not have been able to get the divorce, and didn't want to say anything. Be angry, because you have a right to be, but listen to what he says and why he did it before making your decision.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): He is probably also embarassed and would you start with him if you knew he's married and don't care about the girl anymore.
He loves you but i would ask him about other secrets because you shouldn't big secrets like than form each other (well he form you).
Just talk it out don't be afraid to do it.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 April 2010):
 Listen to him and hear him out. My ex was the same, to an extent. Couldn't get divorced until later because to track a sailor down to sign was quite difficult. She had however lived 2+ years separated and not residing with him at any time. I don't date married people, but under those circumstances, I didn't look at is as if they actually were. That was an unavoidable block. If he thought it was annulled, they didn't last long at all. So it'd be only the process of dotting the i's and crossing the t's to finalize it. This would be different than if he were going home to his wife daily and playing you from the other end. Hear him out, and see what had happened before jumping to conclusions without understand the surrounding facts.
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A
female
reader, Isa123 +, writes (18 April 2010):
 He lied about being married. If he can hold that in his conscience, then he can most likely lie about other major or small issues.It's great that you're not giving him a hard time, but it can show him that you're easy to lie to. You should show him your disappointment, and get things cleared up between the two of you. He should tell you other lies he's probably keeping.You love him. If he truly loved you he would tell you the truth. And I know it's a guy's rule to "never talk about the ex" but at least knowing there WAS an ex is enough. Maybe the marriage ended badly, but still, you should have known.Talk to him more about this. Good luck to you and your son.
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