A
male
age
51-59,
*annio111
writes:My wife and I have a wonderful relationship...but I do work a lot and she wishes she had more attention. Anyway a friend of mine recently friend requested her on facebook and I guess began chatting with her. I came home the other night and walked in on her masturbating. She knew I caught her masturbating and we both laughed it off...but what she didn't know is that I noticed she was looking at her cell phone while she was doing it. Later when she was sleeping I looked through it. I saw that they had exchnged just a few texts and that he had send her a photo of his penis. I believe she was looking at the picture and masturbating. He has a very large penis (as I saw in the pic) and she has told me she is really turned on by large penises. I have no concern whatsoever that she is going to run off with this guy...she really does love me. I don't think she'd even have a "real" affair...but the secrecy bothers me...I don't know if I should be angry or work to step up my game or just embrace it and say I am ok with her sexting other men as long as I know about it. I checked her phone again and the texts have been deleted but she's bold enough to still have the penis photo in her saved photos. Apparently she likes it. thoughts on how I should approach the matter?(and Iam NOT going to leave my wife...I love her dearly)Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2015): My view is a bit different than most, and it's from a real life experience.My wife and I are approaching 33 yrs of marriage, and up until the summer of 2014 I never thought my wife would ever sext another since it wasn't something she did with me. We where working in the garden and her phone showed a missed text from a female name I didn't recognize, the message went like, Happy Saturday hope you have a great day.She told me it was an old friend/customer that had moved away and was sick with cancer, yet the name didn't ring a bell with me. It wasn't untill later that year, October that I stumbled upon her sexting with the same name I saw back in the summer. Turns out the iPad i bought her for her birthday showed all the texts she was sending from her iPhone as long as it went to another apple product. I really wasn't looking for anything but I started reading the history of texting to her sick female friend, turns out she was a he and the texting turned to soft sexting. At first I was hurt, All of a sudden my wife has feelings for another man, then I thougt really, why, things are pretty good at home, maybe this wasn't an emotional thing maybe this was my wife exploring her sexuality, finally!!. Now let me be clear, I have no desire to watch my wife having sex with other men or women, but fantasies are the building blocks to a great sexual marriage. Turns out that the soft sexting was making her feel sexy and a little bit nasty which in turn increased her sexual needs, yep from me. Once I wrapped my head around it, and because I love and trust my wife I also found the sexting to be a turn on. So now we have added sexting to our list of things we enjoy together, we understand each other boundaries, we talk openly, it works for us. m/51 f/53
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2012): I'm sorry to say this...but this may be the beginning of the end.You say that she loves you and that you are not worried about her leaving, etc. But you didn't even know she had it in her to lie to you about getting penis photos from other men and then masturbating to them.She has disrespected you by mentally and "physically" being satisfied not by you, and by lying/deceiving you.Sure, you can catch it now, etc. and try to fix it, but she has demonstrated that she has the potential to do this again in the future, but be more sneaky about it. What happens the next time you can't meet her needs? What happens the next time you have marital downslopes? It takes two people in a relationship to be in a downward slope.She demonstrated what she would do during that downslope. You have, too. You didn't masturbate to her friends photos.You should confront her and possible end the relationship, ASAP.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): I personally think you should maybe give your wife some more attention than you have been giving her, Im sure she does love you but if someone is texting her these type of messages shes gonna feel special to someone other that her husband that works alot.Maybe try sexting her or flirting with her cause she obviously likes it, try spice things up and the both of you could be happy :)Best of luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): I have known many women who had guys send pictures of their cocks to them. I never understood why guys think women like this, but I think secretly many women do.
Since it is from guys she knows or you know, that is bad news. It could and most likely would lead to something more. I would confront her, under control, and tell her it is not acceptable and you want to undergo counseling to find what it is she needs so you can work on your relationship. If she fails, dump her. In the mean time, I would personally beat the shit outta that guy, but that's just me. But you need to make him know that if he does it again, bad shit will happen to him.
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male
reader, Biffo  +, writes (13 October 2012):
I think everyone has already given you the correct advise. But my feeling is that you have become complacent in your relationship "I have no concern whatsoever that she is going to run off with this guy...she really does love me. I don't think she'd even have a "real" affair..." I would have written those words about my long term relationship six months ago, but my partner left me for someone else. If you care about her - ACT NOW, before its too late. I wish someone had advised me of this..
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): My ex did the same to me. I found pictures of a couple of different guys cocks on her phone. I confronted her and she made excuses, apologised, promised never to do it again etc.
Next thing I knew was that she was arranging to spend a weekend with one of the men (told me she was going to a girlfriends).
That was the end of our relationship. I think you need to confront both of them, start with your wife and then the 'friend'. This has to stop before it goes further and you find yourself wondering where it all went wrong.
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female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (12 October 2012):
 Trouble! Don't let this continue. You need to MAKE the time for your wife. If you let this picture/ sexting go on? It will turn into her sleeping with him. She prob. sent naked pics. of herself to him already.
I have been down that road before... First it's I will never do that, Than its deliciously tempting. Than you end up in bed with them!
Confront her. You both need to grow up & act like a married couple.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 October 2012):
 I love Honeypie's idea.
since you know it's your friend, make sure you tell her that too.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (12 October 2012):
 hi
Next thing you know she will be asking for a 3 some with you and him.
Nip this in the bud,they are BOTH disrespecting you.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (12 October 2012):
 First off I think it's amazing that you can remain so calm about this, your wife is obviously starved of the attention she craves, so maybe you do need to step up your game, I'd definitely confront her though, would she be so calm if you were sending pictures of your penis to one of her friends? As for this 'friend' unless your cool with what he's doing I'd tell him to back off, If one of my friends sent my girlfriend a picture of there cock I'd slap the crap out of them
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): I agree with all other post.. You are heading for a collision that may never be salvageable .Is is not okay in a relationship to be texting some other dude, I know as though my partner and I have a fantastic relationship, while working many hours doing my mental health training one of colleagues got my mobile number and was texting at first harmlessly . Then he started calling etc and he upped the pace. As my husband had been the only man in my life we high school sweethearts, I was naive, doesn't excuse my behaviour though and I regret that I ever answered not that we texted dirty or sent dirty pics. But you see my colleague had an agenda and he was pushing all the way.. Stop it now before it messes with your life and your wife's head..I can say we came out of our situation much unscathed because I didn't do anything to wrongly and told my hubby . However things could have gotten tricky.. So I agree stop this before it goes any further... And he no friend doing this..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): What the? Are you ok with your 'Friend' doing this. NO. This needs to be nipped in the butt right away. You text him telling him you really enjoyed seeing his photo and you tell her she's crossed a line. He needs to be deleted from her facebook. Affairs begin like this. She may love you, but people make tremendous mistakes (flings, affairs) even when in love. How far are you willing to let this go?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): I would most certainly confront the both of them. What kind of friend would sext his wife behind his back! That's foul! Ditch him as a friend. He is not trustworthy. As far as your wife, she is dead wrong using a friend of yours to be her fantasy. I think you would feel a little better if it came from a website rather than a friend of yours. I know you work a lot but just take one day a week out for your wife and let it just be just foe her. All attention on her. Do that for her. Im.quite sure you can spare that for her. Try that and see if that changes the tides for you.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 October 2012):
 I agree with Honeypie. Confront her with the photo and say you know she was masturbating to it and ask why she thinks this is OK. I don't know many monogamous couples who would be OK with sexting or sex chatting online. I think confronting is the only way to handle it. Try not to start out angry (even if you are), you don't want to immediately push her into an extremely defensive mode.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 October 2012):
You take her phone pop it open to the dick-shot and ask WTF that is about.
That way she can't lie it away, though.... I bet you she will try.
And I'm sorry, I can't see why ANYONE should be OK with their spouse sexting. That is ridiculous. Sexting is not "harmless" fun.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): Hi! I think that you are a strong person. I advise that if it doesn't make u feel comfortable, you should talk about it. Just because you are working a lot doesn't give her the right to flirt with other men unless you give her the permission to do so. At the end of the day, you work for both of you, right? You work to make your lives better and she should understand that. It is very positive of you not to have any concern that your wife might leave you because she loves you dearly. However, in my opinion, don't be to confident about it. We are just all humans. Sometimes, we forget about our values and the things that really matter to us when something attractive comes along. The grass is always greener on the other side as they say. It would just be devasting if you don't talk about this thing and you come home one day and she's gone.
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male
reader, tamperingtampaguy +, writes (12 October 2012):
One word... Communicate.
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