A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:hey,this is my first question on here and i heard a friend talking about it and i have a genuine problem. so im just gonna jump into my situation.ok so, i am very bi curious. for the last year or so ive been really tempted to do something with a boy. however, i still very much prefer girls. and when i think about doing something with a boy, thats all i think of, i could never have a relationship with a boy, just sex and stuff.anyway, ive been talking to this boy online for the past few months and we both really wanna meet up, but theres something holding me back. because i prefer girls, i think it would be weird do something with a boy as my first sexual experience and i know it sounds ridiculous but i would feel gay. ive never even kissed a girl never mind anything else and i dont want my first everything to be with a boy. i really like him and i want to meet up and do things but im so scared cos i always thought that id do something with a girl first. another thing i would say i am quite an alpha male, again that sounds ridiculous but thats all i can think of. i really like football and other sports and going out with my friends drinking.im really confused, nervous, anxious....everything really. i would really appreciate any help....thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2012): I'm gay, I like sports and football, the majority of my friends are straight men, they don't have a problem with me being gay. You remind me a bit of me when I was your age. Have you thought about why you haven't kissed or been with a girl? There is nothing wrong with the thoughts you are having, they are normal. If you want to try something, try it, just be careful. I thought I was bi, or tried to convince myself I was, I did things with girls, but it never felt quite right. I think I just tried to be straight or at least bi because that's what I thought I should be, or what I thought I wanted to be. Society tells us to be straight, it's the norm. And, it can be difficult growing up knowing you are different. I struggled to come to terms with my sexuality, when I came out (aged 18) I was surprised how well my friends took it, they didn't really care. I'm 24 now, and unbelievable happy with my life and who I am, if I had a choice I would choose to be gay! I always used to think, when I started doing things with lads, oh well I never want a relationship, I could never love a lad, I still wanted to end up with a girl and get married and have children etc. Not because I wanted it but because I'd been brought up to want it, it's what's expected. I experiment and realised I liked it, all of it. I also fell in love with a guy, we had two and half amazing years together, it was fantastic. And, our relationship was a lot stronger than many of our straight friends. I didn't become less of a man because of it, I still go the footy, I still go the pub. But, now to add to that I have an amazing circle of LGBT friends, of all ages, and they are some of the most inspiring and interesting people I've ever met. I understand what you are going through, I've been there. Just remember there is nothing wrong with how your are feeling. Take your time, and whatever you do be happy! Take care
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): Do you know how many bad stories started with, "I met this guy online and..."? Don't rush into anything. A lot of boys have homosexual encounters early adolescent years (same with girls). I know I did around 5 or 6, but today I'm the furthest thing from gay not even a single thought about it. You may just have taboo fetish or just so horney that a strange guy would be quicker. If you like girls more then start flirting with them and go from there.
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A
female
reader, Wyeldfire  +, writes (12 October 2012):
 Taking your time is an excellent suggestion. Remember, even a "Friend with Benefits" is a "Friend" first. Working on getting to know people helps you 1) get to know yourself and 2) build an atmosphere where physical connection is easier and more enjoyable because you've learned how to communicate with your partner.
Being bisexual does not mean you enjoy both sexes, genders, etc. equally. You can have preferences and still be bisexual. My wife and I are both bisexual. We've both been in and enjoyed relationships with men. Because we took the time to get to know our partners, though, we figured out how to look for the *person* we wanted to be with and let the "hardware" issues work themselves out accordingly. Life can surprise you with amazing things you never expected or realized you'd value and enjoy. As always - your mileage may vary.
You clearly want your first time to be special. That can happen regardless of what's in your partner's pants. Think about what factors matter most to you in this experience (emotional connection? physical pleasure? being friends before and after?) and focus on how to develop those. They will all involve knowing your partner and communicating well. Take the time to get those skills down first. Then you can decide if sex/gender expectations are as important as they seem right now. Be smart about protection against infection and pregnancy and *talk to people who are older and more experienced for advice*, not just other teens who (while they can relate) are just as inexperienced as you are.
A good place to learn, get ideas, and figure out your sexual preferences and where to go from here: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality.
All the best!
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (12 October 2012):
 I'd say if you're not sure just hold off for now. You've got plenty of time to explore that. If you'd rather concentrate on girls now then do so. There's no rush.
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