A
female
age
36-40,
*aw Peep
writes:About 2 or 3 weeks ago I found a semi-long black hair in my boyfriends shower. Kinda on the wall stuck from the water. I have very blonde hair and his hair is black but very short. None of his friends have black long hair and neither do any of mine.Should I be worried about him possibly cheating on me? Where could this hair possibly have come from and how would it have gotten in the shower?Ever since I have found it I have been some what suspicious but not thinking about it to much because it could be nothing...also I have not smelled anything odd, like perfume or strange scents in his house that could be from another person. If he is cheating then he must be doing a really good job of it. There are points in time where I do not seem him a whole week straight because I have college...but he just does not seem like the cheating type.I am 22. He is 30. and we have been together for 2 years and have an outstanding sex life ( i am sure of this)
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male
reader, PS05 +, writes (7 December 2008):
oh and I forgot. Bring it up to him. You can even do it without being accusatory ... such as "hey I found a weird hair in our shower? Do you think someone might have broken in and used our shower?" or something ridiculous like that.
A
male
reader, PS05 +, writes (7 December 2008):
I wouldn't be TOOOO concerned, although I wouldn't forget about it either. Its an apartment, is it central heat through ducts? Sometimes, air is circulated through apartment buildings, could have been from another apartment, if the ducts are shared, unlikely but just a thought.
One hair alone is not enough evidence to accuse someone of cheating, but if you're genuinely concerned, I'd look for other signs. Unreturned phone calls for hours,a sudden lack of money or less money than normal to do things such as go out to eat (affairs are expensive), or strange absences with no good excuse. For example, he is going away a lot for weekends and when he tells you about it he says something like "oh just going to my buddy's cabin for the weekend" with really vague details, I'd be concerned. When people make up stories, they are either as vague as possible or overly detailed. Also, getting psychological here, see if he looks up and to the left when he tells you stories too, a sign of a fabricated story. (something about the way our brains are wired, when you access the creative portion of your brain you look up and to the left IN GENERAL). Is he constantly checking his cell phone around you? When his phone rings next time, you go for it to hand it to him. If he flips and dives over you to get it, there is something going on.
Hope this helped.
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A
male
reader, Nanook +, writes (21 October 2008):
If you are so unable to communicate that you have to ask this question, either see a counselor and work on your communications or file for divorce.
Most people don't exist in a vacuum, people shed hair, it's a fact, and sometimes other people end up wearing some of it.
The fact that you are this paranoid indicates you've got a serious problem with your relationship whether he is cheating or not. There is certainly a lack of trust and communications and that will kill a relationship faster than a third party.
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A
female
reader, Dipsydoodlenoodle  +, writes (15 October 2008):
It might have been stuck to your hair/got tangled in your hair (or his but I think it might have been noticed) blown on either of your heads from the wind? It is unlikely. As someone else said it may have been stuck to clothing that has rubbed off on skin when you have taken it off. Maybe ask him about it, its the only way you will really know.
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A
female
reader, Fluro Girl  +, writes (3 October 2008):
 You can't be 100 sure with men but I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Be on the lookout for any suspicious behaviour and if it continues or you find more hair(I know this sounds secret agent like) you cold hide a camera in thebathroom or bedroom.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): Hi
possible he could have had it stuck to him from anywhere, sitting on a chair etc! please be very careful not to get too paranoid could be innocent, just keep quite and keep eyes and ears alert.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): Just tell him about it. If you can't be honest with one another then you don't need one another. If you don't get this off of your chest it will bother you and you will not be as happy. Just say, "I was in the bathroom the other day and happen to notice some long black hairs in the shower." then proceed to say, "how could this have happened, is there someone else using the shower that I don't know of?" if, he has something to hind you will notice him being fidgety or he may get angry which could be another sign of him getting caught. If he acts concerned and is looking you in the eye.. it's just an airborne hair. But.. look for body language.. it will tell you everything you need to know. If he looks to the left he's lying if he looks right he's telling you the truth. (this is because he is visually remembering something)
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A
female
reader, Paw Peep +, writes (3 October 2008):
Paw Peep is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI examined my hair really well and found no black hairs. and I wouldn't want to ask him about it because i wouldn't want him to think I suspect him of cheating because if he is then he will try and do a better job of hiding clues from me. As I said I don't think he is the cheating type but you never know, and I really don't want this situation to get the best of me. Thanks to everyone who has replied so far. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2008): Even very blonde people have a few highlights (or lowlights) in their hair. I know it's a shot in the dark, but it could be one of your "fluke" hairs.
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A
male
reader, andrew2008 +, writes (3 October 2008):
In my opinion, in a relationship i would rather have everything out in the open than have suspicions at the back of the mind, of which they can manifest themselves into something nasty.
Example: John, there something thats been at the back of my mind of late.
On tues, 3 wks ago i saw a semi-long black hair on the shower wall?
Because he didn't expect it, he wouldn't have had the time to compose himself and think of lie. That's if he was cheating in the frst place.
Then see how he reacts, your woman's intuition will tell you.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (3 October 2008):
 I wouldn't ask him if you aren't sure that is the reason for the hair. Asking the question is about the same as accusing him of cheating, and men don't like being falsely accused. Does he have anyone else using the apartment? Does he loan it to a friend? Does anyone else clean the apartment? I would file it away and observe the situation. If you really feel that he isn't the type to cheat, I think that you should trust your instincts. Stranger things have happened and it could be possible that that hair followed someone in to the shower WITHOUT a girl attached to it. Shoes and clothing probably picked up the hair, rather than him, Hunnie.
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