A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Been with girlfriend 4 years, she is 25. She says she loves me but for last 2 years she wont show me affection, or show her feelings for me, wont hold hands in public, wont kiss,denies we are dating if anyone asks and, makes me feel so bad that I wonder what I'm doing with her.Yet, the first sign that I've had enough and am going to end it, she's all over me and offers herself to me on a plate. And thats the only time she will let me have sex with her, if she thinks im going to walk away from her.Ive had the views of family and friends on this, now I want some views from people on the outside who dont know me.Please be honest and suggest a course of action.Thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 Well I'd dump her in a heartbeat... and frankly, (boo-hiss me all you like), I'd do it by SMS so she couldn't do a last ditch effort again. Nah... but seriously, why are you with a girl who denies you're dating, doesn't have sex, kiss or show affection and makes you feel bad... That's not a girlfriend, that's a bitch... and she's got you wrapped around her little finger...
She knows the bare minimum she has to do to keep you around and she does it.... right when you tell her you're leaving her... Gettin' played like a fiddle here dude... you don't HAPPEN to be supporting her financially right now in major ways do you???
There are so many red flags here that I'd swear I'm at a chinese new years parade...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): I think your girlfriend doesn't really want to be with you anymore but wants to keep you around as a safety net because she doesn't want to be totally alone. in the years leading up to my divorce I started behaving like your girlfriend. I wasn't doing it on purpose to hurt my husband. My behavior was an honest authentic display of my true feelings or rather the lack thereof. I even no longer wanted to be seen "in public" with him, because I just hated the idea of us being a couple. that is why we eventually did get divorced because I really couldn't stand to be with him at all anymore and my true feelings showed in my behavior towards him. which sounds like a lot like your girlfriend's behavior.But she doesn't want you to leave her if you try?? my only guess is that she's afraid to be alone and she wants to keep you around just long enough until she finds someone new.You should dump her. she's using you, and her extreme hot/cold behavior if carried on for a long time, amounts to emotional abuse.
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A
female
reader, EJ  +, writes (23 December 2010):
Dear Anonymous,When a woman doesn't show you affection that only means there is no feelings. I should know this I am a woman. Showing affection is how we express ourselves - we can't do without it. I am sorry you have wasted so much time on something that does not seem to go anywhere. She may hold on to you for her own insecurity. The question is are you just as insecure? Do you really want to be held on a leash like that? Or would you like a woman who loves making love to you? Only you know the answer to that. Have a magical day!
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A
female
reader, Sookie  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 Well first off the fact that she denies you are her boyfriend especially after 4yrs is just wrong from a woman's perspective and don't take this the wrong way but you have to man up and tell her that you will not be treated this way either you two are together or ur not but don't give in to her games all she is doing is keeping you on the back burner and when you have had enough she gives you just enough to hang on till the next time and this will continue until she has found someone else yeah I'm so sorry to hear this to breaks my heart that people can be so heartless but you should look out for you and move on before she does and breaks your heart cause she could keep you hanging on for years and from the sounds of it not care when she walks away good luck keep us posted.
Sookie
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (23 December 2010):
 The lowered affection, lack of sex, kisses being history, etc are all red flags, but what hits me the hardest is that she denies you're dating in public because she doesn't want anyone to know. Officially, you're not dating. OFFICIALLY, you're not her boyfriend. A previous girlfriend of mine did that and turned out to be cheating. My friend's ex did that, and she was cheating too. When a girl TELLS PEOPLE that she's single, it's because she doesn't want to turn down other offers. She sounds like she still has uses for you and doesn't want to lose you, but I think you've already lost her, man. I'm sorry. I know it's awful to hear, but even if she isn't cheating now, she's keeping her options open and there doesn't sound like there's any future for you with her. She is NOT going to suddenly decide she is crazy about you again and begin kissing / hand holding / having sex again with you like she used to.
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A
female
reader, bbycks34 +, writes (23 December 2010):
 The only reason she gives it up to you right away is probably because she's scared she's gonna lose you & she doesn't want to be alone... You should confront her and ask her what her problem is... Maybe you should act the same towards her... Then when she gets upset at you about the way you've been treating her, tell her that this is the way she's been treating you...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): Hi I have a simialar situation. My boyfriend dose not show emotion ethier and says that's just his character. If I try to end it with him he freaks out and shows emotion just like you said your mate dose. But my guy has never denied that we are a couple and we have sex all the time not just when he is scared I will leave him. I find that a little odd. Maybe your mate has a comittment issue you should talk to her about this. maybe thearapy. But really you need to think what makes you happy? dose this realationship make you happy? You need to think about your wants and needs its ok to be selfesh sometimes.If you truely love her give her another chance to change tell her thearapy is needed. You will not work out everything overnight but if thats your choice to stay you need help, you can't be sad all the time. best of luck in whatever you choose remember you desereve to be happy.
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