A
male
age
51-59,
*asmiami
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for ten years. I have been totaly 100 percent commited to her and our relationship. I have just recently found out that she had cheated on me at the start of our relationship and got caught by the guys wife. It soposedly ended there. in 2007 in lost my mother and an intense and dirty court batle insued with my siblings. in early 2009 I lost my job and I felt depresed for a long time. I come to find out that she started cheating with the same guy after I lost my job. The entire time she claims to still love me and still works on our relationship. She admited the entire thing after asking about four times, but she could have denied it. I trusted her blindly, but now I dont know. I love her dearly but I dont know if I can trust her again. She has been truthfull about everything else. even cashed out her 401 to take care of us. I had never had a day where i didnt know she was "the One". Can there ever be a trust again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): She cheats on you TWICE with the same married man.(That u know off)I know u want to be the better man but if you want your relationship to survive then you need to tell his wife. Better for her to also monitor her hb as well.His wife needs to also protect her marriage from your gf. She needs to also mend her marriage and you are actually hurting her and her kid by not bringing this latest round of the affair to her attention. Your gf did not stop when she was caught by his wife, so what makes you think she will stop now.This continued cheating with the married man is an eye opener. I think u have been very decent to her but you need to check out her story again. If think u are a fool to 'forget this cheating past' bec it is shaping your future.you have been cuckold twice already (that u know off) and the likelihood of it happening again is almost a guarantee.I know that u want to try again but plse know that you cannot trust her at all. It will take years to rebuild what u have lost. Her so call claims to love you is just hogwash. It is her actions and not her mere words that need to be taken note of.Her cashing in the pension is no big deal. It is a necessity that we all dip into during our financial crises. So please do not look at this act and forget her cheating ways.Yes plse try counselling. But it will only work if u both want it to, and if u both are honest.LoveGirl
A
male
reader, easmiami +, writes (24 December 2010):
easmiami is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst, I want to say thank you to all of you who were so kind as to respond. All have good points to make. We have been talking thru it. Whenever we feel the need to speak up, we have and calmly discussed it. I even was able to confront the guy without getting violent. I said his wife would be told if I even suspected it happens again. They have a 7 year old daughter. I could not destroy a child’s home. I want to think I was the bigger man for doing it. We have both decided to go to couples counseling and work it out. I cannot regret my decision to try and work it out, just learn from it. I must “forget the past or forget the future”. But always with my eyes open from now on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): This sort of thing takes couples counseling, for long periods of time, in order to sort out.More likely than not, you don't know the whole story, and won't get it without a long period of work, which both of you must be committed to.Get professional help, if she won't go then the answer is certain that you won't ever get there and you need to move on.
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A
female
reader, youngandrestless  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 this is a question only you can answer. i had a similar experiance, where my fiance has cheated on me 2x. the first time was 3 months after we started dating, and he told me a few days later. the second time was with a girl we had planned to have a threesome with, but he kinda jumped the gun on me. we have stayed together but we still have some trust issues. i have been completely faithful to him, he was my first and he will be my last as far as im concerned. he has had to do a lot of work and sucking up to gain my trust again, he has no female contacts and has devoted a lot of time and energy into regaining my trust. a lot of people would have left him, if not after the first then after the second time. but we are engaged and we are getting married next year. i have no doubt that if he ever did it again i would have to leave him, but i trust that it will not happen again. i hope my experience helps you. i cant tell you what to do in your case, just think on it, think with your head and your heart, not just either one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): You're confused. Just because you feel she's "the one", doesn't mean she's a wonderful person. She's obviously not a wonderful person. Quality people don't intrude on other people's marriages or serially cheat on their committed partner. You say she's been truthful about everything else. What does that mean? When its raining she tells you it's raining? I mean, c'mon. Get real. She's cheated on you more than once -- with a married man!! Why you feel she's the one, other than the length of time you've had to endure this type of relationship, is something you will need to figure out. If you are into your significant other sleeping with other people, then there you are. If not, I think you know where this is going.
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A
female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch +, writes (23 December 2010):
 i am so so sorry if you find the right answer post it on my page too
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