A
female
age
41-50,
*ier
writes:I am divorced with 3 children but for almost 3 years I have been with "Joseph". We took the first year fairly slow despite very strong feelings on both ends. It did not take long for us to fall completely in love and he has since become a part of our family. My kids are very attached to him, as am I.The problem is that he has lied to me and possibly cheated on me. When we first got together I discovered that he had profiles on sex sites. He said he never went on them anymore and eventually deleted them. Through his computer history I have seen that he looks at ads online for sexual encounters. He says it's purely entertainment and he doesnt hook up with anyone. I know he has had a lot of problems with some stuff he has been dealing with (or not dealing with). He was diagnosed with PTSD and started seeing a therapist. The other day, I checked his phone (which he always seems to hide) and found he had an email from a "dating site"! I looked into it and found he has a profile which says looking for dating, nothing serious!! He had exchanged a few messages with a girl and he wanted to meet her. The next day he came to me and said, I know you were on my phone... let me explain...He told me that his therapist advised him to make female friends to talk to and that it would help him appreciate me more. He swears he had no intentions of "cheating" on me. He swears up and down that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He told me it was stupid and that he'll delete the account. But how am I supposed to trust him?I want to give him yet another chance, but I don't want to be a fool either. It is so hard, because I really do love him with everything inside of me. I can see us spending the rest of our lives together, but not like this. And the kids.... it's just not fair to them. I want to follow my heart but I don't want to live my life questioning his every move in the back of my mind. What to do? :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): I don't believe a therapist would tell him to do this. He is out there looking for people, and whether he acts on this or it's just a fantasy, it is attention going to someone else when it should go to you.
A
male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (6 December 2010):
A lot of people follow their heart right into the quicksand of misery. You clearly recognize this by writing what you wrote. He swears he loves you. That's nice. But, true love is not made up of empty protestations of love. Love is an action. It plays out over years, solidifies over time, and is enforced again and again through action. You obviously have a different idea of commitment and love than does he. I'm not buying his therapist line, or his other lame explanations. You have the proof right in front of your face. He's looking around. Based on your description, if you stay with this guy you will end up doing exactly what you don't want to see happening -- questioning his every move (and with good reason) and living a miserable existence that will ultimately crush your self-esteem, which will negatively impact your kids. I would do my best to set aside my "feelings" and start looking at the reality of this situation. Your kids deserve that, and so do you. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (6 December 2010):
 "He told me that his therapist advised him to make female friends to talk to and that it would help him appreciate me more."
I'm not a therapist, but that doesn't sound like something a licensed therapist would advise someone who's in a committed relationship to do...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2010): Book a therapist.Heartbreak guaranteed.Typical male coverup.
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