A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone. Ive been at my current office job for about 3 months now and we've just had our annual Christmas work do. I'm 22 and I have had a bit of a crush on one of my coworkers for a while. He is 45 and married. I'm also in a long term relationship.Everyone got very drunk at our work do and I ended up hooking up with him - just kissing at the bar and nothing further. My recollection of the evening is very hazy but I think several of our coworkers saw us. I am mortified at what has happened, but I can't stop thinking about him now. I remember him saying "no we shouldn't" a lot but we kept going.I don't know if or how to approach this. I am worried that my reputation at work will be damaged. On one hand I just want to pretend it didn't happen and on the other I just want him again so badly. What is wrong with me!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (23 December 2014):
I'm really glad things worked out for you OP, but yes you certainly dodged a bullet. Unfair dismissal laws usually don't come into effect until someone has worked somewhere for a year, plus kissing a married colleague at a work function could easily be classed as 'gross misconduct' which usually results in you being let go. It sounds as if your employer is much more laid back than that, which is great, but please try to stay away from this man as it could lead to trouble. Hope you have a lovely Christmas and New Year :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello aunts, thanks so much for taking the time to respond.
I went to work for our closing day Monday as we are closing for 3 weeks over Christmas and new years. I saw the older mam I kissed and apologised to him. He apologised too.
A few people laughed but told me not to worry because "what happens at the Christmas party stays at the Christmas party", and that they did far worse when they were my age. One of my bosses just laughed also and said it was a fun night and that I was just "being young". I didn't see my other boss and won't see him until we all go back mid January.
I feel like I've really dodged a bullet?! In my country you can't just let people go for no reason as we have laws preventing unfair dismissal.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (20 December 2014):
Her job most certainly could be at risk. Some companies have strict rules about dating coworkers, and even if this one doesn't they still may decide to get rid of the brand new younger employee who is putting at risk the older, more senior employee and creating drama.
They do not have to even give a reason, a simple "it isn't working out" will suffice.
That isn't self righteousness, it is just reality.
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A
male
reader, crushed_by_love +, writes (20 December 2014):
People do unwise things at Xmas parties when the booze has been flowing. Accept the fact it was a drunken mistake and draw a line underneath it.
There's a lot of self righteous priggishness in the other responses, your job isn't at risk, the worst that will happen is a laugh at your expense.Just keep to a comfortable level next time alcohol and work combine!
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (20 December 2014):
OP, I for one would really like a follow up from you to see what the outcome of this is.
Good luck, and please make better choices in the future.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (20 December 2014):
I hate to give you bad news, but this really isn't good. If even one person saw you then more than likely everyone now knows. As an example, one of the divorced older men at my work was trying it on with me last year, and even though I turned him down flat, I was still teased mercilessly at work the following week and it spread like wildfire.
In terms of your career, you will just need to suck it up and see if the management want to take it further. If they do, then apologise profusely and try your best to convince them it will never happen again. It might not work, but it's the only chance you have.
In terms of this man, stay well away for him and forget any crazy ideas of this happening again. Don't be that type of woman.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (20 December 2014):
Ugh. Yes, you rightfully should be mortified, and yes, your reputation at work will be tarnished. I wouldn't be surprised if some type of excuse could be made to let you go. It is a work function, so they could certainly just let you go over that alone. This is very bad. It could ruin one or both of your jobs, and destroy his marriage.
I'm not sure what advice to give you. Honestly if it were me I don't think I could even face going to work on Monday. EVERYBODY will know by then, and they will all be talking about it.
I'm sorry to be so negative, but it really is the truth.
And you had better forget about this guy, what are you thinking? He is married, consider for a moment how you would feel if you were married to him and he was cheating on you. Stop being so selfish and foolish, there are plenty of single men out there. Leave this one alone.
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