A
female
age
30-35,
*hbabycakesxx
writes:To keep it short, our group of friends had a secret santa event planned to get together for Christmas. Basically, she rarely hangs out with us when we ask. But she VOLUNTEERED to host the group event and have her brother do the drawings for who gets who.However, the things with our group that she doesn't know (since she doesn't hang out with us often) is that we're very demanding. The reason no one hosted it in the first place was because everyone always has problems with what someone planned and none of us wants to deal with it.Anyways, her brother logged into her account and sent us our person for secret santa, but accidentally posted it on the group chat. That started the problems, because we all started demanding that her brother redo it. It's not that we didn't appreciate it, it was because it was unfair as everyone knew who the other person had. We started telling her brother to redo it and he got mad I guess and told her and she got mad and told us to do it ourselves since we were "all together anyways". Keep in mind that we DID invite her, and she didn't come. Then she wanted to be dropped out of the event completely.I didn't mention before that she is one of my BEST friends, so I text her an apology, telling her "I didn't mean to upset you and your brother. I'm sorry :(" and she doesn't reply to me, AT ALL. She instead texts another person from our group "+++ YA'LL. Do it yourselves. I'm out." So I text her again, apologizing and she ignores me.She then texts the other person AGAIN saying that she's calmed down and she forgives him, but completely ignores me. Did I do something wrong? I mean, I did ask her to redo it, but because everyone else wanted it too. And they used my account to keep posting "redo it, redooo it". Is she mad because she thinks that I initiated all of this? Why did she text the other friend, but not me? Thank you, any help would be appreciated.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 December 2014):
 Good for you OP for not being upset at the advice you got here because we did "give" it to you. No coddle you.
And GOOD for you to try and learn from this.
I think you already knew it wasn't all HER fault, maybe that was why you wrote your post. So again, making mistakes is how we sometimes learn and you seem to have learned from this.
Good luck and Merry Christmas.
A
female
reader, ohbabycakesxx +, writes (20 December 2014):
ohbabycakesxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all your advice, thank you! ChiGirl, honestly, thank you for your honest input. I do admit I am very childish sometimes, even a brat, and this is probably one of those times where I should've stepped up and said "hey, it's fine." It's not like I didn't want the redo because everyone did know who the other person had, but it just seemed more forceful from me because people were using my account to say it. But I've apologized for it, she's forgiven me, and she's still gonna do Secret Santa, which makes me glad she's willing to give the group another chance.RubyBirtle, I didn't say "but" in any of my apologies, I was apologizing to her directly for my behavior. I didn't expect her to forgive me right away, I knew I needed to give her some time, but I just wanted to make sure that she understood that I was being childish and never meant to upset her. But yes, you're right, this did cause problems. But we've fixed it, thank you for your advice.Honeypie, no one asked her to do it. She made the event and everything only because one of our other friends was talking about it, and she thought it was a good idea. She took charge. But that's not her fault and I'm probably just trying to justify how we mistreated her for taking charge. We couldn't do the name drawing because not everyone in the group was able to get together, and we needed the names drawn soon. She usually doesn't hang out with us because her dad doesn't let her, not because we're bad, but because he's a strict parent who doesn't let her go anywhere, we always go to her. But thank you for your advice.All in all, reading it from your perspectives have really made me understand that we were being childish, and I, as her best friend should've stood up for her. After all, she was just trying to help.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 December 2014):
I agree with Chigirl.
I'd walk away from you drama-llamas too. And I BET you she KNEW why you asked her to be part of this all of a sudden, because NONE of "your group" wanted to do it. YOU expected her to do it for you. And in turn? she had to deal with "your group" - No wonder she usually says no thanks to hanging out with this group.
Why couldn't you kids... just have put all the names in a hat and DRAWN a name?
Let her be, she's had enough.
And yes, I DO think she believes it's YOU that keeps posting and pestering her, because it's been SENT from your account.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (20 December 2014):
Maybe she is angrier at you because you are a closer friend than the others and she expected more support from you when things got tough.You said that she's one of your best friends but that she rarely hangs out with the group as a whole so maybe her friendship is more with you than the others. Maybe she expected more support from you when the others started complaining instead of "siding" with them (which is how it may have felt for her) Or maybe she would rather have had the heads-up from you first about how fraught a procedure the secret Santa affair is and how it's "normally" done within your group of friends.I'm not saying that this is all your fault or anything and no-one here will be able to tell you for sure why (or even if) she remains angry at you - we can just speculate.You have apologised twice now so, technically, the ball is in her court to accept your apology and continue your friendship. Maybe you should try one more time to apologise making sure that you DO NOT use the word "BUT" in your apology. Once somebody puts the word BUT in an apology it lessens its meaning - it become an excuse instead. So do apologise again if you tried to justify your behaviour last time you apologised. Just say you're sorry and don't want to lose her as a friend.This secret santa business seems to cause more problems than it's worth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2014): She sounds like she's done the right thing - I thought on reading this you'd be 13-15 but at 18-21 you guys should be growing up a bit. As the old saying goes, would you jump off a cliff if your friends told you to do that too? I doubt it, don't let them be an excuse for your decisions. Make your own. Your poor friend was just trying to do a good thing, her brother mistakenly posted the results and what could've been a funny situation was just turned into unnecessary drama.She's best off away from it, she doesn't want to talk to you because if the posts came from your account she must think you're a pain. Give her some space, and after Christmas maybe send her something a bit more sincere than a text, you could drop a card over and apologise and say you let others use your account and you are sorry for making her feel rubbish. Learn from this, and try to be a bit kinder and more considerate of your actions. If your "friends" create drama then are they really the best friends to have? Or would you be better off trying to rebuild your friendship with her? Xx
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 December 2014):
 This girl sounds like the only sane out out of a bunch of drama queens, and the main reason YOU pestered for her to redo this secret santa thing was because "everyone else wanted it".
My advice is: start thinking for yourself and stop being a sheep who just follows what others do. Change your password since obviously people should not be using your account. Then maybe put some focus on not being so demanding, if you say thats a problem with your group of friends. Or find new friends. Your best friend is already signing out and looking for new friends, maybe you should as well.
And stop engaging in this drama. She doesn't want to speak to you, you annoy her. Just drop it and focus on the other changes you need to make in your life. Let her go. If she wants to talk to you later on, she will reach out. She may be your best friend, but I do not think you are her best friend...
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