A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The past few month things with my boyfriend has been hell. We fought all the time, he wasn't loveable, he never cuddled, he never paid attention to me because he was always on his phone. we hardly never had sex, he never said I love you or gave me kisses, he stopped calling me babe and other nick names for the longest time. I don't know what has happened, but in the past week or so but he's magically been more loveable, we have sex more, he kisses me,pays attention to me, he's starting to call me babe and other nick names again, and the other night we stayed up all night just talking and playing games together. Something we haven't done since we first started dating. Things just magically started getting better. Is this normal or to good to be true. We've been dating 2 years and we live together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2014): It's hard to be warm and cuddly with people you constantly fight with. He may also have had some personal issues he was going through that you didn't know about. He just wasn't himself. Things have probably come around for him, and he's feeling better.
There is also the possibility he realizes you mean more to him than he may have thought while you were having it out.
You may have been a little clingy and whiny; and if that has tapered off, he has the opening to come home again.
Relationships have their ups and downs. They aren't always lovey-dovey. That's what you're learning. You also have to give each other breathing room. As you mature, you change.
You can't be consistently the same always.
You've grown-up and your personalities have taken on new traits. That creates confusion. I knew my partner from when we were teens into our late forties. Imagine the changes!
He can't always be snuggled or nestled up under you. That's smothering. Being human, he will need affection. That's when he's receptive. People aren't always in the same mood as you are. You sometimes fall out of sync. You have to realize that he may not want sex when you want it, or to snuggle when you want to. If you overreact or turn into a cry-baby; then you create conditions for a fight. Not love.
He just may not feel like it if he's having a bad month. School, his job, poor self-esteem issues, or family problems. A combination, or all of them. These things can plague your mind. Men don't verbalize emotions, we bury them inside. We show anger when cornered about our feelings.
He's sometimes just being a certified jerk.
You aren't always a sweetie pie yourself. You have your moods as well. He reacts to them. Sometimes indifferently, and sometimes negatively. He's human. You're human. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. People aren't perfect, and Hollywood and Hallmark make total fools of us concerning what love and relationships are all about. Some people have the most ridiculous notions.
Don't expect being a couple to always be blissful. How ever, it should be blissful most of the time. There are times things get rough. It takes love, patience, and mutual effort between a couple to recover from the challenges and obstacles that come your way. Sometime you think you hate each other. You don't really, it's just a situation you haven't figured out how to fix. So anger is the usual response to total confusion and frustration. The futility of not reaching an agreement, or everybody wants to be right. No compromise. Stubbornness creates a toxic atmosphere.
You're learning, my dear. I'm soooo happy for you! I had a relationship that lasted nearly thirty years. He passed away, but I still have the fond memories; and feel the love even thought he's not on this earth right now. There were times I could have shoved him off a cliff. That's how love and life goes.
Have a wonderful, safe, and Happy Holiday together!
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