A
female
age
51-59,
*ayKayKay
writes:My husband is in love with a co-worker. She started working at his company in August 2006. He shared with me that he was in love with her in May 2007. He has always been an incessant flirt, and she probably doesn't realize how much he "gets off" flirting with her. After he told me he said that he still loved me and "didn't know why he had these feeling for her." Three months later, he tells me that he doesn't love me any more. Now (December) he tells me that "we're broken" and that we have been broken for so long that we can't be fixed. I love my husband. I don't want a divorce. This woman at work, I don't believe, realizes that she is contributing to our divorce by, probably most innocently flirting back with a married man...feeding his fantasies...posting cute comments on his my space, his face book, and IM' him with non-work related issues (he does the same back to her).So MY QUESTION IS...TO OTHER WOMEN...would you want to know if a co-worker was "getting off" with all your seemingly innocent flirting...i.e., should I contact this woman and tell her?
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at work, co-worker, divorce, flirt, married man Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tera-35  +, writes (17 July 2008):
I have just come across your posting.I am in the same situation as you are or have been. My husband works with this female who is an attention seeker, manipulative and twists things around. They are always flirting, my husband rings her constantly and when she had her mobile phone connected they used to text each other alot prior to her starting work (she starts at 12.30pm and he starts at 8.30am). This has been going on for 2 years. He always looks out for her at work (when she is there cause there is always something wrong so she takes alot of sickies). He always influences the bosses decision when it comes to disipling her. He just goes out of his way for her period. Two years ago when this happened I approached her and told her everything that I was feeling and even asked her straight out if she had feelings for my husband. of course she said no and that she loves her partner. I don't believe her. She knows how I am feeling, knows how this is affecting my marriage and two years on she is till flirting with my husband and getting his attention. I have confronted my husband and of course denies he has feelings for her. As a matter of fact when it comes to her he just lies. He knows how I feel but he continues to disrespect me by doing what makes him and her happy. I have thrown him out but he comes back which I know is my own stupid fault. Anyway approaching her was a big big mistake because she went running to him and told him that i had rang her and knowing her she would have twisted the conversation around to make it look like she is the victim. So don't approach her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): contact the other bird and threaten to smash her face in if she does not stop coming on to your husband. and tell your husband you will brutilise his penus should he use it elsewhere and to stop with the flirting as you are pig sick of it and will kick off if he does not pack it in.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2008): We all know when we over step the mark,our insides tell us so. This women knows how he feels and visa versa, I am sure of it. I am not saying they are seing each other but getting there kicks whilst you get the pain is so unfair. It is always hard living with a flirt but when it causes pain its time to look out for yourself and maybe move on. Good luck and I hope it all turns out for the best x
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (18 December 2007):
 You Have a FRIEND Who WORKS WITH HIM????
Well, then!!!!
You should stay out of it! But that doesn't mean that your FRIEND has to stay out of it! It sounds like he is making a total fool of himself, and he is having a mid-life crisis. I have a beautiful daughter in her early 20's and she would never date someone in his mid-forties. But some not-nice girls at that age would use a guy in his forties for an ego-trip. The "person" who should say something to him is your friend. All she has to do is wait until he is with a group of people. Then drop a few comments. "Did you notice that Katie is flirting with you? She's young enough to be your daughter! That officially has turned you into a dirty old man!". Not nice, mean actually, but it might open his eyes to the fact that he is being very silly, and most men don't like to appear foolish in the office. If she talks to him privately, she should worry him. Remind him that she knows you and what he is up to. She could also remind him about that old saying - "Don't S*** where you eat", in other words, don't engage in questionable behavior at the office and jeopardize your paycheck, in case someone notices and fires you. Very not nice underhanded advice. Hope it works.
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A
female
reader, KayKayKay +, writes (18 December 2007):
KayKayKay is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK, I have not contacted her. What kills me is she "MUST" know he really really likes her...because everyone else at his work see's it and knows (I have a good friend who works there and confirmed this). Now I'm a bit imbarrested for my husband. He is being made fun of behind his back because his in his mid 40's and she in her early 20's (He's easily old enought to be her dad).He's asked me to "stay out of his business at work," and so I'm not telling him what my friend who works with him told me. But....some one is going to say something to him sooner or later.....
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A
female
reader, La23  +, writes (17 December 2007):
this woman either flirts with most men to boost her own self esteem, or genuinely likes your husband. either way, you contacting her will not help things. she knows your husband is married, and she must suspect he has feelings for her. most decent people in this scenario back off and stop flirting before it gets to this stage.
however the blame lies with your husband. not her. even if you did contact her and she did back off... do u really think it'll change how your husband feels about her?
its sounds as though you've been very understanding and supportive to your husband through all this,probably more than he deserves.
my advice to you would be to put some distance between you and him for the time being. issue an ultimatum and walk out on him. if he really loves you and wants to save your marriage he will prove himself.
and if not... do you really want to be with a man who doesn't love you? because there'll always be other women who'll flirt with him..and next time could very possibly lead to an affair. its not worth the heartache.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (13 December 2007):
 I don't think you should contact the other woman. Your issue is with your husband and he is the only one you should be dealing with. If he wants to leave you for this woman, you contacting the other woman will only make things worse for all of you and it will put you in a belittling kind of position.
Stand tall, deal with your husband and let him know that you're not going to put up with this kind of behavior and if he insists on leaving you...know that he will only do the same to her down the road.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (12 December 2007):
 I would never give another women the satisfaction of seeing me sweat. She knows that your husband is interested that is why she continues to flirt and put up with him flirting. However, the problem is not this women it is your husband. Your husband thinks that your marriage is broken, and if she is not having a relationship with him it has nothing to do with her. I am sorry but I do not believe a comment on myspace is enough to make a man ruin his marriage. It sounds to me like he has come to the conclusion that the marriage is over whether you want a divorce or not. When your husband has the balls to tell you he is in love with his co-worker something is very wrong. I think you need to figure out whether this marriage can be saved at this point, which is going to take a work on your part AND your husbands. I hope everything works out for you, maybe its not the marriage thats broken maybe its your husband.
Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (12 December 2007):
 I think she is enjoying the attention but i dont think she has any idea how this is effecting your relaionship so i would get in contact and let her know and if she continues then i wouldnt be a door matt anymore i would pack my things and leave i wouldnt want to be in a relationship with a man who claims he doesnt love me, and he will relise when nothing happens between this woman how stupid he is and what he lost and you know what i would laugh in his face, you dont need this man he is in love with someone else why put yourself through this pain? Come on you dont need him you dont need to be walked all over.
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A
female
reader, sarah louise@ marie +, writes (12 December 2007):
yes u should contact her and tell her ive been in the same situation my fiance got a new job he is 29 and she is 18 they were sending eachother rude texts that i cant repeat and he was lying to me when i first saw a few texts he tried telling me they were just friends so i left it and he was still hiding his fone and secretly texting her even when he was home he was in the loo and bathroom alot more he was secretly meeting her and lying to me we have 3 kids and have been together nearly 4 yrs now i caught him out by going through his fone and he confessed he had feelings 4 her then after chatting 4 a while he said he knew he had been stupid and that it was a silly infatuation she also has a boyfriend and from what i read he was going through the same as me now i wished i had confrunted her too as 2 can play that game but they both reckoned it was harmless flirting and that they didnt do any thing sexually even though the texts were. i have given him the benefit of the doubt but his betrayal has ruined us and i feel haunted every day cos of what those 2 did 2 me and my kids she may not know whats going on and u may get answers and some piece of mind its too late 4 me to do it now but it may not b 4 u good luck and i hope u can move on with or without your husband im only engaged let alone married think about yourself whether u can get through this 2gether or not also think of those wedding vows he said to u hes betrayed you under those vows he took although if its betterv 4 u then forgivness is a big brave thing to do if u can do it good luck
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (12 December 2007):
Innocent Flirting, kind of an oxymoron, right? I think she already knows he's getting off and that's why she's doing it. Not so innocent. Why give her the pleasure of letting her know that she is having the effect that she intended to with your husband? If you are intent on contacting her (which I think is a mistake and lowering yourself to her level), use a cattle prod.
She is a big beotch to not have turned him away in the first place. Women who flirt and carry on with married men never really have a good explanation why they think it's alright to do so. It's some kind of warped competition. The winner gets the guy whose morals are a bit lax, with no guarantee that he won't cheat on them in the future.
I am sorry that you are going through this. Your husband was wrong to involve himself and he doesn't deserve your love and trust - but if you love him fight for him. Hope that things work out all for the best for you, Dear. Take Care.
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