A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, I'm in my first 'proper' relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for around 5 months now and we are both virgins. My boyfriend is a few years older than me and i was suprised when he told me he was a virgin and i have mixed feeling about this - i think it is nice that i will be his first time but i was a little disapionted as I suppose i would have like him to have some experience. We have explored each other, shall we say, quite a few times now but it often ends in disapiontment. I have wanked him off a few times, there's no problem there, but he has never stayed hard without mine or his help. He also finds it dissapionting that he has never been able to make me orgasm. This doesn't really bother me as i have never been able to do it myself either. I also don't really get pleasure from him touching my boobs either, it feels nice at first, then it just makes me feel sick. Also, he wants me to go on top. I don't want to for my first time at least but i don't think he'd be comfortable being on top either, as he has said himself he's ignorant of these things. That's the physical side of it. I'm also not sure if i am ready for sex anymore. I did really want to, i am happy that he is not the man i want to marry but he is wonderful and i am willing to share myself with him. But i don't no if im am comfortable to have sex with a man i lie to. I have an eating disorder and he was the first person i ever told, but he believe's it is nearly all in the past whereas, although i am in the process of seeking help, i still have unhealthy behaviours that he doesn't no i still do or ever did. I don't really know what i'm asking for here, but any advice would be very welcome!
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female
reader, mediocreland  +, writes (11 March 2010):
Take your time! There's no need to rush into sex if either of you aren't 100% ready for it.
He sounds very nervous, most guys are their first time with a woman, which is probably why he has a hard time staying hard. You're both inexpierneced, so now it's all about communication. You need to tell him what feels good and what doesn't, and he needs to tell you the same thing. It's a learning expierence. It might help since you sound like you're not really sure what's supposed to feel good(and don't worry, a lot of girls don't get that pleasure from boob groping)
If you guys don't already, you really should be talking it out instead of acting it out. I'm sure you both have the same worries, they just haven't been properly voiced yet.
I know it sounds cheesy, but maybe you could do some resarch about pleasureable spots. Not porn or something, don't even go near porn as an example for what you should do in bed, but there are plenty of articles and webpages online about all sorts of things. Female orgasms, how to get over nervousness, probably something for your eating disorder too.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 March 2010):
 You need to eat well in order to function sexually. You need all kinds of vitamins especially zinc, potassium, and selenium. This is essential for both men and women. Being a virgin is not a big issue. Everybody has to start somewhere. Men and women learn from each other. I am not sure why you don't want to marry him. Marriage is not for everybody but if you already concluded that you two are going to break up sooner or later he might have already sensed this and feel everything he does is going to be futile. An eating disorder is not a chosen lifestyle, it's an illness. First improve your diet, then worry about the rest later. I think the disappointment comes from expecting everything too soon. Why not study each other's bodies, such as where your G spot is, where the trigger zones are.
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A
female
reader, sunnycomet +, writes (8 March 2010):
 You are not ready for sex as you said so yourself. Talk to him and explain how you feel. If he cares about you he will understand. Don't rush into sex. It's your first time and you don't want to regret it. Take it easy and slow. When I decided to lose my virginity it took me and my love 2 weeks before anything happened. That was over a year ago and I am still with him.
You should tell him about your eating disorder as he can help you with it.
Good Luck!
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