A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 22 year old man, has a good social life, a good job, and am enjoying life.However, I have a problem with confidence which is affecting my ability to get a girlfriend.Every time I try to ask a girl out, I end up stopping myself because I think "the girl already has a boyfriend" How can I stop myself being this way?? It's affecting my ability to get a girlfriend and I want to get over it.Thanks, AP
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female
reader, powderedheart  +, writes (10 May 2008):
so you have no problem talking to women, its just asking them out? why dont you put yourself in a situation where you know they are single. like, one of those speed dating things, if that's too traumatic for you, why dont you get get a friend to set you up, so you can experience some dates, and build your confidence chatting with women. and you know what. you know what people used to say, "whats the worst thing she can say", sorry i have a boyfriend? thats it. you can't avoid ever getting rejected, because then nothing will happen in your life. just hold on to you socks and throw yourself out there boy, and make things happen..... or maybe have a drink or two.also. learn how to read a women's body language and responses, if she's interested in you, you should probably get a sense of it, i mean if she's not immediately trying to ditch you after your initial talking to her, then, that can be a good sign. I've had men casually bring up the boyfriend, and i know what they're trying to do, trying to ask if i have a boyfriend without directly asking it, like "oh so, are you going to go to the concert with your boyfriend" and if i had a boyfriend, i'll mention him, like , "oh, he doesnt like that kinda music"... and if i didnt have a boyfriend, and i wasn't interested, i'd probably lie, cause i'd take it as a cue to let him know if i was interested, some women might not lie, and if i was interested, i'd just coyly say, oh, no i dont have a boyfriend. something like that?
A
male
reader, WastedLife  +, writes (10 May 2008):
"Confidence" is one of the standards girls judge guys by. Yes, she has a boyfriend - either real or made up. Approach her and talk - she will mention a boyfriend either as an obstacle for you to overcome, or as a polite way to say "no thanks". Just figure your odds of success here are 1 in 100 at best, so plan on meeting lots of girls and starting something lightweight with anyone that meets your standards. Don't make a commitment until you're sure, and don't stop looking until you make a commitment. You won't get confidence until you have been rejected thousands of times - that's the odds. Being a guy is tough.
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