A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a father with kids a year and a half ago. Initially he was staying with the kids and their mother to help keep family peace. After six months he moved in with me and my kids. Shortly after that he lost his job. I have been paying all of our bills and all of the food and unexpected bills of his children's mother (ie. sports, hydro, broken down car bills etc) We are now currently in debt to the amount that I am worried. He has been waiting on a lump sum payment for the past 3 months which will take care of all of the debt and buy a home for us. His ex wife initially allowed me to see his kids. Now she doesn't, for no other reason that she sees that she can manipulate our relationship. She is frightening to me as she has threatened me and once broke into our home. On more than 4 occasions she has physically bit, slapped or scratched the man I love. He is a great father. However, his sense of responsibility for his children enables her to continue to manipulate him. About once every two weeks, I voice my opinion of this to him; it is rarely well received.Last weekend we had another discussion regarding the situation. Usually it doesn't get heated but this time it did. We had spent little time together during the week, he was going to spend the entire day with his kids the following day. I wanted to spend our Saturday together for a change. He felt I was being selfish. I didn't agree. Regardless of who was right or wrong, he left, and never came home all night (though he did text me through the evening but would not talk to me) the following day, he spent with his kids and came home late in the evening. I chose to be cautiously optimistic that all would be ok.The following evening as I was doing laundry, I found his cell phone in his pants pocket. I looked in it (I know some people will feel this is an invasion of privacy however it has been done) and found photos of a girl laying on a bed with a hand (which appears to be his) around her breast and her own hand down her pants. I can't make out who the girl is, but she appears to have the same hair colour as his ex, however the place doesn't appear to be hers. I immediately asked him about it, he denies it is him, denies it is her (however when she calls, this photo is attached) and immediately attacked me with invading his privacy. I can't afford the debt on my own, if I leave him I will be financially ruined for the next 5 years paying this off. I did/do? love him, however this has soured my opinion and left me feeling bitter and alone. Any advice?
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debt, ex-wife, his ex, lost his job, moved in, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Gridrebel  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 So far, it doesn't appear that he is in love with you. As you know, his children should come first, before any love interest. From my unbiased opinion, he is using you to his and his family's best interest. Why you would subject yourself to this is just sad. Step back, take a big breath, kick his ass out and consider yourself lucky. You will most likely never get a dime from this man. He's playing you. If you can, get a promissory note signed by him for the TOTAL amount of money he owes you for the various loans. #1, you'll be able to get a reaction and tell where he is really coming from, #2, you will be able to use it in small claims court to recover some of your costs. Otherwise, you will have to figure out how to get yourself out of the debt you helped create.
A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (19 May 2010):
 Okay:
I would be worried. Why is the picture attached to her phone number? Even if its from the past, why is the picture even there? He stayed a whole night away at hers? Ahem, too easy to have sex with the mother of your kids... I'd be very worried and ready to move on. It doesn't help that he's unemployed...you've been taken advantage of. It should have never been your responsibility to pay for his family responsibilities.
1. Use a condom ALL the time you have sex
2. Wait for the lump sum and pay off this debt
3. Ditch the guy... 1. bum 2. user 3. suspicious behaviour.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (19 May 2010):
He needs to get a job, and start paying this debt down. Separate your finances and quit enabling him. He has it far too good, and as long as you're forking out all the cash WHY should he get off his dead ass and do anything!
Get firm, quit being his savior!
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