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Fiancee says we are never going to have sex!

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Question - (18 May 2009) 10 Answers - (Newest, 19 May 2009)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Me and my fiancee have been together for about 7 months, and we love either other very much, but she told me that we are never going to have sex. I love her and i would never cheat on her. but it is getting to me. We used to fool around but lately we dont even do that.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009):

Me and my guy have been engaged for around 8 months and he knows that I don't want to have sex before marriage. It's my personal choice. I know it's hard on him and I try to 'help' him when I can but its just my opinion and he respects that. Maybe that's what she meant. Maybe she doesn't want to have sex until after you get married.

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A male reader, daletom United States +, writes (19 May 2009):

I don't think 7 months is too SOON to be getting engaged, but if this attitude about sex has struck you completely unexpectedly then you two may not be ready to be engaged. I suggest you read what I wrote in the thread "Should we get engaged?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-we-get-engaged.html ].

Like others have said, if she means "no sex before marriage", then please respect her desires - I think it demonstrates a very desirable personality characteristic! Make sure SHE knows you'll need her help and cooperation to reach that goal. If she definitely means "No sex - ever!", or even "once per child", then (as painful as it is to say) you may be engaged to the wrong person. A counselor, therapist, or clergyman may help the two of you figure out exactly what she DOES mean.

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A male reader, DLover Canada +, writes (19 May 2009):

"Maybe you should have responded "well then, how do you expect us to ever have kids of our own?""

that's a damn good answer !

Also, no sex will drive you crazy, maybe she didn't mean it, but if she did, I'm pretty sure you'll end up frustrated (of lacking sex) or most likely guilty (of getting sex somewhere else)

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A male reader, ArmyMedic United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2009):

ArmyMedic agony auntDid you get engaged to her thinking that she would have sex with you if you put a nice ring on her finger?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009):

Good points from the other aunts. Another reason might be that she is A-Sexual.

Would you be willing to give up any sex life, for the rest of your life to be with her?

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A male reader, GrimmReality United States +, writes (18 May 2009):

GrimmReality agony auntWhat are you talking about your Fiancee after 7 months?

7 months? Thats hardly enough time to know a bus schedule let alone getting engaged. And with this sex thing, are you sure she is even aware you are even engaged? I don't mean to sound flippant, but you two seem to have a serious communication problem between each other.

Please respond with some more detail. I don't think we can give you any advice that will be beneficial unless you can be less vague

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2009):

If she believes in no sex before marriage then fair enough.

You can either wait around or not. Your choice.

If she means no sex ever then she does not want you to be her boyfriend, she just wants to be friends.

Ask her if she means there will be lots of sex after marriage and if so then start wedding planning! You asked her to marry you so you must have been planning to stay with her for life anyway.

Good Luck!! xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009):

No sex!! Weirdo! She doesnt know what shes missing! Man id ditch her x

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A female reader, Lilly Rose United Kingdom +, writes (18 May 2009):

Lilly Rose agony auntShe can't just be with you for 7 months then decide she doesnt want sex, your in a relationship a partnership....she should at least explain to you why she is chosen to do this. If she wants you to wait till marriage, then you need to really think about it....i personally could not do it and i know alot of people couldnt, but some people do it. Talk with her tell her your finding it hard etc!!!! Good Luck!!

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A male reader, passionatelynumb United States +, writes (18 May 2009):

passionatelynumb agony auntYou mean no sex before marraige, or no sex ever?

Does she want children? How does she expect to have any if she never has sex?

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