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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have been dating a guy I met in a Bar, just for four or five times, he seems polite and hasn't asked me for getting off or sex, though he behaves weird and avoids contact like me touching his arm or thinks like that when we are close. He has told me he doesn't like the way I wear(not too sexy) nor my haircut and that we should go shopping and change it all,personally I haate the shops he wants me to go with him I usually spend money on a bit more expensive ones and consider myself quite trendy though perhaps I could wear more sexy sometime, that's ok for me but he insisted so much that his sister wears cooler than I. He has introduced me to some of his friends but avoids meeting mine arguing he's shy, finally he said he would come around to see them in a party I had already organised b4 meeting him but on the last minute, after I had been a whole night out with him and his friends(boys and girls) he said he was ill and stayed home just to recover to go out with his friends at night.I feel a bit lost, when he calls I feel more obligued to speak longer than I would like than happy, It was cool at the start but now I doubt what to do, I would like to have a boy who likes me completely u know,but I also think perhaps it's my fault to be alone and not to be able to cope with a relationship. He has also said we could go on a holiday trip next month and I said it could be cool, then he added he didn't expected me to be the kind of girl who goes on holiday with a man like that or so little concern about my security while he could be a psycopath or whatever, I'm quite conservative and usually go slow in relarionships but due to my age I though perhaps it was the time to open my mind and change a bit by giving an opportunity to somebody and considered holidays together, but this boy really makes me feel weird.Could you please give me your opinion
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): Dont date this guy, he is so not right. you just havent met someone who suits you. Dont think its you, i think it could be that you are just settling for anything because you dont want to be alone. Better to be alone than with a control freak, this guy is a none starter and not worth any of your time.
Ask around and find out more about this man, i think you should listen to what is said and if any of it sounds weird then your instincts are right and they are telling you to run.
You should never feel uncomfortable when dating, and if you do you dont see them again end of story. Most people when dating want to show their good side. If this is his good side i hate to think what his bad points are!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): NO!!!Because this man has friends (boys and girls), and you two met in a bar, I seriously doubt he is truly shy or socially awkward.His behavior is controlling, on a psychological level. I would not be surprised if he withheld affection until you changed your hair and dress to suit him.Perhaps you should ask your friends (the ones you invited to the party that he never came to) whether any of them know something scary about the guy you are dating. Chances are, someone does. He wants your relationship to progress further before it comes to light. He knows because of your age, and your typically conservative relationship progression that once you are emotionally invested in a relationship, you will be easy to control, because you have so much to lose as you feel time is not on your side.It doesn't matter to him if he meets your friends. As your relationship progresses, you will be seeing less and less of them until one day you will find yourself isolated from everyone but him.Any person who asks a romantic interest on a holiday, and responds the way your guy did when you expressed interest ("didn't expected me to be the kind of girl who goes on holiday with a man like that or so little concern about my security while he could be a psycopath or whatever") IS A PSYCHOPATH!!! What's even worse, is he is aware he is psychopath, but he is trying to convince you he is not while he is in the process of gaining your trust. He knows you are desperate for what others your age have relationship-wise. He also knows that once you start to change yourself for him (hair, dress, friends, etc) that you trust him......you are his...Are you really desperate enough for a relationship that you would be willing to ignore your intuition (the guy gives you a weird feeling) simply to be miserable in a relationship with this psychopath?
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 So, who is he interested in? It can not be you, because he just sees you as a foundation to build on to BECOME the woman he really would like to date.
He is not boyfriend or even date worthy. He is a loser.
You do not knowt this guy well enough to consider traveling with him. He sounds like a creep.
Listen to your instincts.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 August 2011):
 if he makes you feel weird then he's not right for you. is he a boy or a man?
I have changed how I dress and my hair style since I started with my bf.. but although he told me what HE liked he never told me I had to change for him...I did it because I wanted to... and I'm fine with it..I still wear what I want when I want to...
he invited you on a trip and you say yes and he berates you for it?
LOSE him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): Thanks, I love and appreciate your answer, it means a lot to me that you have a little time for readind and answering. I'll try to move on and wait a time to see this boy if he calls again or maybe I'll just don't date again. I'm 33 and sometimes I feel it's my fault not to have a relationship or that maybe I ask for too much
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 August 2011):
 If he wants you to change who you are, is it really YOU he is interested in?
I'd say dump him.
Today he wants to control your hair and clothes.. what will tomorrow bring?
Take it slwo, no matter your age. The older you are, the less you should rush it, IMHO.
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