A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I have been together for three years. The other day, his mom called me and asked if I could have him reply to her e-mail she had sent him a few days ago. We know each others passwords to our e-mails, so I thought I would just check his e-mail for him since he was really busy with work and obviously hadn't had time to check it in a while. When I got onto his e-mail I saw that he had old e-mails from an adult dating site. I went to the site and saw that he had a profile. I didn't want to jump to any conclusions so I made sure to read carefully. His profile said he was on the site for "amateur content", but it said he was "seeking a woman age 18-30". I'm just really upset, and I don't know what to think...because it showed the account was only active from April to May, but I saw him everyday during that time. We have a very good relationship both emotionally and physically. In the three years we've been together we've never raised our voices at each other, and we've always had good communication. He's never been the type of guy interested in porn, I don't even care if he looks at porn...but he doesn't need to do it at an adult dating site does he? We talk everyday, and are planning our wedding and he seems completely on board with everything. I just don't know if he still loves me and wants to marry me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): "investigate into it some more, read through the mail on the site i.e inbox outbox sent ect if there are chatrooms go into them and see if his screen name gets recognised"
In response to that- I did check his profile, and he had no contacts, no one had him on their list, and he had never contacted anyone on the site. His profile was also very bare...just a user name and an age and what he was on the site for, no pictures or anything. Also, in his e-mail inbox, none of the e-mails from the dating site were opened. I'm just starting to wonder if one of his frat brothers did it as a joke. But I don't want to be too naive either...
A
female
reader, penelopepitstop  +, writes (15 August 2009):
 just ask him outright about his account on this site? i bet hes just curious about mails he gets on it, not that he would do anything about it, but really he should close it now, theres no shortage of porn sites he oould look at he doesnt need to be on dating sites..
if you just push this to one side it will eat away at you..ask him about it
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A
female
reader, \m/J.D\m/ +, writes (15 August 2009):
 just because hes on a adult site does not mean he doesnt love you. investigate into it some more, read through the mail on the site i.e inbox outbox sent ect if there are chatrooms go into them and see if his screen name gets recognised. then decide from there weather he was innocently just looking or was actually upto something. you never kno it could be as simple as he was looking for some hints and tips to improve on his bedroom antics with you! dont jump to conclusions the previous poster obviously has.
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A
male
reader, Mr. Adviser +, writes (15 August 2009):
 Communication is key. Without all is lost. I, for one, find it odd you have both never raised a voice, even once. To me, that is a red flag for lack of communication. Everyone argues at one point or another. Talk to him about your finding in a calm manner. Explain you see he hasn't been active and you were wondering why he did that. Most likely you may find your first heated arguement. Do NOT panic. Second off, don't jump to conclusions. If people know his passwords, odds are they could easily create a false account for shits and grins. I would go to assume that your boyfriend did create the account but assuming makes an ass out of u and me. (ass-u-me)Perhaps maybe your boyfriend just wanted to stir up a little attention? A cure for this is to pay some attention yourself. If someone does not feel adequate, they may seek other opinions to verify they are indeed adequate, but never involve themselves in another relationship. Let your boyfriend know hes your everything. He should be if your gonna marry him. If you know he loves you, he shows he loves you, and he does indeed love you, you may want to let him know you forgive him. Also let him know that particular activity will not fly in the future, however.
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A
female
reader, AllisonDro +, writes (15 August 2009):
stop reading this and go ASK HIM! now! i appreciate that you didn't jump to conclusions, because that would have been very easy, but please be prepared for the worst. was there any time you guys had a fight and broke up for a night or something? where he could have been feeling lonely and just wanted to take action?definitely be up-front with him and just ask him what is going on with that. good luck!
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