A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my finance has anger problem and idk what to do anymore. When i meet him he was a happy person he is like a comedian he makes every body laugh but like a year in the relationship i got to meet his family and she argues a lot with his sister .But know we live together i have a daughter and we have a son together and expecting another baby.It gets me mad cause you know kids are kids and his always screaming at them.They could be talking and he screams idk what to do not only that he starts to argue with me for the smallest things.well i told him he needs to go to anger management but he don't listen. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, wornoutmommy +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Op, My dad was like this. Very angry and very vocal. Never physical, unless of course it was deserved (spankings were a norm). I, unfortunately, inherited this short rope of patience. Understanding the way my father behaved, and realizing that I have a problem have helped me attempt to keep my cool. (I am female, but anger problems can go both ways). Remaining calm has not and will not ever be easy, anger is a problem and anything can trigger it. I had the crappiest day today and what set me off screaming was my daughter eating dry cereal on my bed two days after catching her with supper there. (The only tv that we have with cable is in my room). Suggestions. Telling him that he has an anger problem will make it worse unless he already knows that it is a problem. Whether you talk calmly or become upset about it, neither reaction will change his level of anger. Remember that the anger he feels is very well generalized; I know that when I become the most angry is when I'm really not angry about anything. In situations where I'm upset about something I am capable of thinking about that situation, things that could have gone better or worse and then actively calm myself down. In situations where I become overwhelmed and am just generally upset is when I am more likely to 'explode'. These moments are made even worse by the anger I feel towards myself for behaving in that manner- yes I become more angry because I'm angry. This is not going to change. The way he behaves and reacts when he is upset may change, but the anger that he feels (Again, usually for no apparent reason to either him or those around him) will not go away. They call the classes anger management because it is learning to manage the anger. If you can accept that this is who he is, trust me, he will love you all the more. But tell him that, nice and sweetly, and only if you mean it. Explain that the way he overreacts scares you and the children, that you understand he feels angry but would like to help him find control over that anger, and that you aren't going to love him any less for it. I know that at times I feel like I'm unworthy of my partner because of the lack of control that I feel at times. I must say though, trying to get him into counseling for this could be like pulling teeth. Because it's anger, it makes him feel weak, and the belief that just 'manning up' and 'hiding it' will work sets in. That belief has probably existed for a very long time. I feel like I'm rambling now, so if you want me to explain more, please let me know :) One thing to keep in mind: If it ever turns abusive at all, it is more than just anger and you need to leave. I lived through verbal abuse and that was very difficult. If he's calling names or calling them useless- it is abuse. Me yelling at my daughter for eating on my bed (a second time) is anger.
A
female
reader, leylaness  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 You need to act fast. Young children are very impressible and this WILL affect them. You need to get them out of this situation until your partner learns to curb his anger. Give him an ultimatum, tell him either he changes ir you will walk. But once you say that you have to follow through or he will walk all over you. You seem like a lovely person who thinks about her children’s welfare and you deserve so much better then being shouted at or having to watch your children’s being shouted at. Be strong and confident and let him know you will not put up with this behaviour anymore.
I wish you all the best!!!! x
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