A
female
age
36-40,
*anityfair19
writes:I recently broke off my engagement with my fiancé who I have been with for three years. I found out about a month ago by going through his computer (looking for a paper I had written, not to spy) that he was looking at other girls online; not porn but girls I knew. He was taking their provocative pictures from Facebook and saving them to his computer, he even had several of his ex in a bikini. He would be different if he had had this computer before we met but he got in when we were together. Then a couple weeks ago, I went through his email and found that he had been trying to initiate phone sex with a girl through Facebook and had received nude pictures on his phone from a girl. He had been sending the photos from his phone to email account. The last picture was sent in August while we were, I thought, going through a great time in our relationship. I confronted him about it and he says that he doesn’t even know the girl, that she initiated conversation by saying that she got his number from a friend and he says that he honestly does not remember anything about her, does not know how to contact her and has no idea what he was thinking. He went to counseling once and feels like he did this because he liked the feeling of power, the feeling that he could get these girls if he wanted. He seems really remorseful but I’m having a hard time believing him and wonder what I should do. He did this throughout three years and he still was doing it while we were doing really well, so I’m worried what he would do when we are not. We were supposed to be married in 7 months and I feel like he has this weird sneaky side to him that I never knew about. Am I over reacting because he didn’t do anything physical or should I put an end to this relationship now?? Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): Don't take him back. Cheating this early in a relationship is a bad sign and this wasn't done in the heat of the moment. He carried on like this for three years with several different women and he only expressed 'remorse' after he was caught. He enjoyed himself too much to stop doing it forever. Do yourself and your future chldren a favour be choosing a better man.
A
female
reader, Trinaa +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Never. If you take him back, mentally, that's telling him that he could do the worst, with no consequence.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2011): "who I have been with for three years"
Yeah, agree with the others on breaking it permanently. Doing this kind of stuff during engagement doesn't bode will for not doing it during marriage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): You're right. He's wrong. If he was willing to keep this from you during engagement, he would be willing to keep even more from you during marriage, when the stakes are even higher. Good for you.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (1 February 2011):
 I agree with your cancelling your engagement. During the dating process one should be on their best behavior to impress their mate. Clearly this guy wasn't on his best behavior.
He had you and was looking for something on the side or wanted a replacement.
Can you honestly trust this guy from this point? You state in your question that you thought things were perfect... and yet he was out flirting with other women. What do you think he would do when things aren't that great.
Ultimately, the choice is up to you on whether you want him back, but I think you had reasonable cause to cancel your engagement.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Br1dgette +, writes (31 January 2011):
You are not over reacting at all. He is VERY obviously without a doubt lying to you and keeping things from you. If he was at least honest about the things he's done I would say there is a "possibility" for redemption but he's not. Put an end to the relationship now. Really.
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