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age
41-50,
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writes: My boyfriend of one year is addicted to porn. Well I think he is. I used to think it was ok but now I'm not so sure. WE used to watch porn together and have fun with it but lately it seems that he prefers to please himself to porn rather than being intimate with me. Now that hurts my feelings. He's obsessed with extremely big breasted women (thats the only type of women he likes to look up). I have a great body and am extremely big breasted myself but he pays no mind to them or me anymore. Whenever I want to be intimate with him he tells me that he's too tired and whatnot but later on he will secretly please himself to porn. He does this every night. (not exaggerating)LIke I mentioned earlier, we used to watch porn together and re act the scenes and whatnot, but I guess it's not our thing anymore. He'd rather do it on his own. His favorite thing to get off to is those live webcam chicks. He doesn't pay for them or anything nor does he talk to them privately (not that Im aware of) but it's starting to bother me. It feels like he's cheating and I'm not sure if I should stay in this relationship.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Most in the field define compulsive user as over 10 hours per week. That's the arbitrary cut-off.
It's obviously interfering with every aspect of your relationship, it's hurting you emotionally, it's getting in the way of your sex life, it's damaging your intimacy... It sounds like he either needs to agree to stop/get help or you need to leave. I agree with Mia that setting a time limit, such as a month, for him to show significant improvement or you're out of there. You deserve a guy who wants to be with you, not a guy in love with the internet.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Don't know about "addicted".. It's supposed to be a medical term and therefore needs a doctor to provide a diagnosis. Just like an alcoholic isn't someone who drinks to much alcohol. There is a difference between liking drink too much (a drunk) and needing it for survival.
Your boyfriend porn usage is too much for you, it's isolating because he no longer shares with you. His pornography usage is starting to destroy your sex life. This is enough to call it a problem without the need for labels.
Have a talk with him. Tell him how rejected and lonely you feel. Tell him you expect him to cut down on the amount of porn he watches, and you want him to spend more time doing romantic things with you.
Give yourself a time limit, say about a month. If he doesn't change, then I suggest you leave. Your man doesn't need a girlfriend and you need more love and more sex than he is capable of giving right now.
He doesn't sound addicted, he sounds like his gotten into bad habits and is too selfish and lazy to change them. Suggest he go and see a counsellor if you think addiction is a real possibility.
If he's addicted, your leaving will not change him, he probably won't even notice. If it's a bad habit, he should give him a big shock and he will probably change his ways.
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Yeah something is definitely going on. When a guy resorts to pleasing himself with porn over having actual intercourse is a sign that he is being a selflish lover and that there is something else going on.
Let's face it -- porn is the easy way out. You don't have to worry about another person -- you just get off and move on.
This isn't a very good situation and is likely to get worse -- leaving you frustrated and in self-doubt.
I think it's time you have a sit down talk about it. Explain the hurt you feel and that if there is something that pornography gives him that he isn't getting from you, you want to know about it. You also must make it clear it is not acceptable to use porn in lieu of making love to you.
You may have to seek outside help for him to overcome this problem (I think addiction is too strong of a word) -- it is common however and there are resources on the web to help you deal with it.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Bridgette for your input! I too agree that it's only gonna get worse.
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female
reader, Br1dgette +, writes (31 January 2011):
I wouldn't like that either. If he's not paying enough attention to you sexually I'd say that's a big problem. People say sex doesn't make or break a relationship but statistically it really does. A healthy sex life is good for your relationship. It's important for connecting with your lover and a way to share time together.
I can't make any real judgements because I don't know your man but I have known a few people with said problem and it becomes a huge problem for many other reasons as well.
As an added note I think it is like cheating and I personally think it will only get worse. I personally would find someone who appreciates you more and doesn't need happiness from others. Porn to some extent is ok. It's ok that guys masturbate but not to the extent that you are saying.
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