A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been in a happy stable relationship for over half a year now and things are still okay despite the odd hiccup however im starting to become very insecure about losing him..i constantly have thoughts that he will get bored of me and just leave me, and that he is flirting with other girls. now, i know he has a LOT of female friends which is fine and i have no evidence of any flirting. but i cant stop the thoughts of him breaking up with me, i even dream about it and lately its been affecting me so much its almost like ive been pushing him away, being moody with him and not myself. needless to say this is affecting our relationship, so what is wrong with me and how do i snap out of it?! i just reallllyyyy do NOT want to loose him!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): Well ask yourself SO WHAT if he does break up with you? What's the worse that can happen if he does leave you for another girl? Will the sun stop shining? You'll feel hurt and lonely for some time, yes, but is that really so insurmountable and intolerable and dreadful and the end of the world?
you may be putting too much at stake into your relationship. such as, you may be tying up your entire self worth in this relationship which is why it's so terrifying to lose it because then you're not losing just a romantic relationship but your very sense of being.
if so then you need to take a step back and learn to develop a healthier self esteem and see your relationship as what it is - as part of your life, but not your entire life. When you can put it into perspective like that, the thought of your bf leaving you will still be a bummer but it's not so completely terrifying that you're gripped in fear and obsession and getting ill.
A
female
reader, Deagan  +, writes (2 March 2012):
 If you two are in a happy, stable relationship, then why all of a sudden do you have this fear of losing him?
You think he's getting bored? Spice things up a little. Be spontaneous, do something different that's not part of the routine.
Also, you need to have some confidence. He's dating you for a reason. Guys really dig confident chicks.
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A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (2 March 2012):
 I have dealt with similar feelings of insecurity, but you have to remind yourself that the more you think these negative thoughts, the more likely they are to come true. He is with you because he wants to be. Don't let your jealousy and insecurity ruin the relationship! Until he gives you a reason to be worried, just relax and enjoy!
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (2 March 2012):
 You know what I think? I think you are the one that wants to break up but don't want to make the first move. Keep behaving the way you are with your obsessive thoughts, moodiness and extreme neediness - he will head for the nearest exit in no time. Wouldn't you?
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (2 March 2012):
 Hello,
Worrying about it and taking it out on him is certainly not going to help but I'm sure you already know that.
My advice is to apologize for your recent behavior and explain why you have been acting so cold towards him. STOP taking it out on him. Have fun with him, try new things with him and RELAX. Try a hobby to keep your thoughts busy and if possible seek a counselor to help ease your thoughts.
Good Luck!
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