A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:So, my husband has erectile dysfunction the last cople years. It developed very suddenly, but it never improved from any action. Like vacations, romantic nights etc. He had a very extensive medical investigation , and they found nothing wrong with his health. I mean, there is nothing else ,the doctors can check. He went to see psychologist too, but there were no real answers why is this happening. So today, he is having a complete lack of desire, and erectile dysfunction, without any reasonable explanation. He used to be very sexual ,during our long marriage. Never would leave out a chance to have sex with me. And than one day, it was gone , like a magic spell. He says, he loves me, and does not understand it why.,I dont blame him. I dont think he can go to more places, for answers. Now he never even looks at me anymore when Im naked, or comes close to me in the bad,. We were in the early 40 es when it started. It is just too young to be in a sexless marriage. I have two questions, if you can help.1, What am I suppose to do in a situation like that? 2, If it ever happened like that ,without any medical cause to anybody else here.? Please help ,if you have any idea. Thanks very much Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (2 March 2012):
 I think "so very confused nailed" it on the head. Have you talked about him pleasuring you, even though he can't perform?
Part of the duties of a husband is to keep his woman sexually satisfied. He can stimulate you manually or orally and even though his desire is gone. I think he needs to understand your emotional and sexual needs haven't gone away. He could hold you and caress you while doing whatever needs to be done. Sadly, men who don't pay attention to that often have straying wives.
Other suggestions:
1) I'd check to see if Viagra or similar drug works. Also have him see a hormone doctor (endocrinologist, I believe). His testosterone could be low. Also have him avoid soy products, which can cause an overload of estrogen. These days they are putting soy into everything, which I believe can be a culprit.
2) Yes, I've read of numerous men having this problem. One day everything is fine and the next, something is wrong. Unfortunately, this is part of the aging process. Some men are lucky and can have sex well into their 70's without medical aid, while others lose it in their 30's and 40's. I will say that usually those that lose it early, tend to be out of shape, overweight or depressed.
3) Understand that the problem is NOT you. More than likely if he was next to (insert the woman of his dreams) he couldn't perform.
4) Men's testosterone peeks in the morning. If he wakes with an erection, take advantage of it.
5) Unfortunately and ultimately, there isn't much you can do in this situation. You could find a lover, take care of yourself, live with it, or split up, especially if he isn't willing to come to the "table" and talk and do something about it. Unfortunately, this is one of the burdens one must deal with in marriage. It isn't an easy either, so you have my sympathies.
Hopefully you'll be able to find the issue behind this or work something out so that you don't feel sexually deprived.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (2 March 2012):
 My first thought was diabetes (it causes erectile dysfunction if you've had it for a while) but you said that he had an extensive workup.
My second thought- It's a crass question, but have you noticed if he's still waking up in the morning with an erection?
If he is- there might be an underlying psychological problem going on. If he is does not have an erection in the mornings anymore, it points to a physical problem.
You two should discover other ways to be intimate and sexual in the mean time. Again, sounds crass and crude, but just because he isn't able to have an erection, doesn't mean he can't pleasure you orally or with his hands anymore. Talk to him about it. Intimacy is important when it comes to maintaining a strong marriage. Best of luck to the both of you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 March 2012):
 Have you two talked about the fact that there are other ways to be intimate besides intercourse?
Does he know you want and need affection?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012): Clearly there is either a medical reason or a psychological one. A person doesn't suddenly lose their sex drive for no reason at all.
Keep going to doctors, keep trying medicines (any of those little blue pills should do the trick right and good).
I would take him to have his head scanned. It might be hormonal. It might something physically wrong. It might be depression. It might be one of a million causes of ED. Hell, it could just be age.
But KEEP chipping away. Keep getting different Doctor's opinions.
Flynn 24
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