A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for five years, she cheated on me in the beginning, and said that she cheated so should I, But I told her I would love a threesome with another female and her. She said ok we haven't had one because when it gets close she says no. But the other problem the reason I want a threesome is because when we have sex she sayes it hurts her and in five years she gets off everytime but I have never gotten off, because I hurt her. So what do I do? I want a threesome so I can get off finally in five years with sex. By the way we both have find someone the we both like.
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cheated on me, threesome Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 Two wrongs don't make a right.
If you do this is very possible you'll destroy any last chances of saving your marriage. If indeed you want to save it?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): Ok, let me get this straight, you have had five years of marriage but you have never gotten off? What about before you were married?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): She cheated so that entitles you to a threesome. NO WAY is that right.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 June 2010):
why are you two married. This isn't the way to fix what has gone wrong. I you hurt her during sex, then focus on sorting that out, and focus on fixing your marriage. She really doesn't want the threesome, and it will do nothing other than wreck your marriage. Please try to fix your marriage rather than have this threesome. Your wife desperately doesn't want to do it. If it can't be fixed, then end it.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (6 June 2010):
 This is probably not the answer your looking for regarding getting your wife to have a threesome with you. Instead, here's an issue that I think that you need to address over and above this particular sexual tryst.
I think the thing that gave me pause reading this was (a) she cheated and thinks you should as well -- the old "eye for an eye" defense and (b) you get close to making this happen and yet there's some last-minute issue that stops the threesome going forward. These, individually and together, really make me think there's a deeper psychological issue that you need to address that (in my opinion) will only get worse after a threesome. If she chose to cheat on you and her proposed solution is to give you free and clear permission to do so yourself, that won't balance out the equation -- EVER! If anything, you two should resolve why she felt the need to seek another lover in the first place. As far as having unresolved issues, I would suggest that the "almost getting there" and having it ended before it starts is possibly an indication of that apprehension and those unresolved issues.
Regarding the pain that she has during sex, I will leave that response to my more learned female colleagues, but I might suggest a lube of some kind.
On the whole, I sincerely recommend that you address the aforementioned issues because from the outside looking in, it seems to me that they are still lingering below the surface (and probably have been for the 5 years of your marriage). They won't go away on their own and should be dealt with before trying to introduce a third sexual partner into the mix (or problems).
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