A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:MY boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 months. Things are going great now but about a month in a half into the relationship he had broken up with me because he felt like there was nothing there. He said, "I know that you really like me, but I don't feel it. I really like you too... But I know you're not the one." And when I had asked him how he knew I wasn't the one and why he didn't want to stick it out to see, his reason was because he didn't want to find out and didn't want to end up hurting me more by dragging it on. But we only ended up broken up for about 2 days, then we got back together. I usually don't give any of my exes second chances, but there was just something about him. He told me that he missed me and that he realized there was more there than he had originally thought there was. He was the one to make the approach first, because I didn't want to be on speaking terms with him at first since I was mad at him for breaking up with me and not even trying.I know I shouldn't be snooping around, but I couldn't help but be curious. I found out his password to his facebook and logged onto it and looked through his messages. All of the messages in his inbox were deleted, but he left his sent messages untouched. I found two messages to his ex, that he had cheated on. One of them was something like- Oh how he missed her, how he still loves her and that he's waiting here with open arms to hold her and love her the way she deserves to be loved and held... The other one, I'm assuming he's talking about me since I can't see what she replied to him about and this was a day before we broke up: It slipped a couple times, but you know I love you. I don't even like her that much.And then we broke up the day after. I mean, I was getting the feeling that he didn't even like me that much anymore a few weeks before we broke up. So I guess it was kinda a mutual thing. He wanted to do it in person, but I didn't want to give him the pleasure of seeing me cry in person because I don't like crying in front of people.I know it was wrong of me to have snooped, but I couldn't help myself. And I still got back with him. About 2 weeks after we got back together, I realized that I was falling in love with him so.. I went for it. I told him how I felt, but he didn't reciprocate those feelings back. So I let it slide, mainly because I didn't know how to deal with it since all of my past exes were the ones to say it first. The way I feel towards him, makes me feel like I wasn't ever truely in love with any of my exes... So I brought it up again in about a week, asking him where we were going in our relationship and how he felt about me. He said that we were in a serious relationship and that he really likes me, but he doesn't know if he loves me yet. So I figured, okay that's an acceptable answer. I mean it's only been about 2 months and some people may not fall in love as fast as others do. He does say that he hearts me, which I Know isn't the same as I love you at all. And I have been concerned about his past, because my friends that know of him say that he used to be a player back in high school (He's now 20 and I'm 21), and he even told me about his cheating past before any of my friends told me. He said he's changed though and having 3 girlfriends was too much work, so he doesn't want to play around anymore. But I can't help wondering if a leopard really change its spots?What's also confusing me is something he asked me recently.. This Friday, we went out to eat with his bestfriend's little sister who is like a little sister to him too, and we brought up that he was probably gonna move out of his grandma's soon with his bestfriend and his bestfriend's girlfriend. He asked me to move out with him... This is so confusing to me, because how can you ask someone to move in with you if you don't know if you love them yet? Do I move in or do I stay at home? Personally, I really want to go with him, but he said he didn't know if he loved me yet. So what do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): so you already think you love this guy but he doesnt think he loves you yet? as you said yourself 2 months isnt a long time to decide how you feel about someone you can care for someone alot but love is very different keep dating have fun & see how it turns out try not to put to much pressure on the 'love' thing & just focus on getting to know each other, my opinion on moving in with him would be dont do it yet you dont really know each other & things could turn sour very quickly it doesnt matter how much you think you know someone you find out so many new things about the person when you move in with them, you are both young there's alot of time to get serious just enjoy yourselves for now. Doesnt matter how he acted in high school you are both adults living in the adult world now so dont listen to gossip if you want to trust him give him a chance and see if he proves he is a man now. Goodluck with everything dont beat yourself up over it go with the flow & enjoy yourself
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): Okay, but how does recommending a few books, supposed to help me atm? I'm looking for advice on how to handle the situation and how others would assess his/my actions..
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