A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am at odds on what to do about my smoking partner. Is it wrong to ask him to stop?I've read some of the other posts here and some seem to be strongly of the opinion that it is wrong to expect them to quit as you entered the relationship knowing about it. Is this reasonable or a cop out? If I was doing something to make me unappealing and risking my health would that be okay?What am I supposed to do!? Be patient perhaps and wait for things to get worse!? I am feeling totally clueless. I love him and care for him which extends to his health. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): What if I didn't know he smoked? I had been seeing him for almost a year and he had perfectly hidden it from me. I never had the choice at the start of no I won't as he smokes. By the time I found out I was in love with him and then what choice did I have!? He did ask about his smoking before we moved in together but again what choice did I have? Am I supposed to break both our hearts and say yes it is a problem so I never want to see you again!? I feel I have compromised and he hasn't. He has never smoked around me but does at every opportunity he can. He does chew chewies but that doesn't always do that great a job of getting rid of the taste amd smell. He will never tell me how much he smokes but it is a lot and I think it is getting worse.
A
female
reader, Guru1 +, writes (15 April 2008):
My husband continues to smoke on and off and it drives me mad. The man has lost both parents already due to lung and heart issues. I know how you feel it is frustrating. Our daughter and I tell him to stop smoking and he just lies when he does now. I guess he does smoke less because he doesn't want us to catch him but at the end of the day it is their decision. I think there is value in continuing to tell them it's not okay but expecting them to actaully quit, well that's up to them!
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 No, I would not TELL him to quit. I would explain to him you really dislike the smoking and see what he is willing to do. Maybe smoking outside or never around you? Maybe ask if he is even attempting to quit? A guy I dated was a smoker and knew I couldn't be around it. He said I could be the thing to help him quit and smoked only outside and when I was no where around. Now if he just blows smoke in your face and refuses to compromise at all I would leave him in a second. You are compromising by dating a smoker, he could atleast adjust to dating a nonsmoker. If he has no intention of quitting then I would just let him go. Your health is much more important and worrying about someone else's health who doesn't seem to care won't get you far and will only get tiresome and annoying. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Well you can't force your partner to stop smoking its up to him if he wants to quit smoking its very hard as im guessin he is a heavy smoker. In a way you stop the taste by having him chew chewing gum before you kiss him, becasue i know whats its like, my boyfriend says he will quit which he has cut down but im not trying to force him, i just ask how many have u smoked today, its not ok but i no that he smoked because we were friends before we started dating, so its not ok but if you love them for who they are than you set a side there bad habits and help them every step of the way if the chose to quit smoking it will take time but im sure your partner will see since and get help to quit. Good luck xxxx
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A
female
reader, Yuna~  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 I do not think it's wrong of you to want your partner to be healthy. I would be like you if my boyfriend smokes. Besides, if he smokes, that would affect you too. Maybe you should just be honest with how you feel. It's still up to him to decide what he will do. You're not forcing him. You are only honest to him about how you feel.
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