A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a married man and I have been texting another woman for about 1 year, she does not know I am married. I love my wife very much and I can't be without her, I don't know why I began texting the other woman but I have become good friends with her until recently when, perhaps due to a bout of conscience, I stopped texting her. I recently got back in touch to try to make amends as I didn't want to hurt her, which she says I did but she is ok and will remain friends. I have just found that in the short time I wasn't texting her she has slept with someone and I am finding this hard to deal with, I know I have no grounds to but I am feeling hurt. I do not know what to do for the best. I feel sick to my stomach about what I am doing, I am under no illusions that I am the one firmly in the wrong, but I want to know how best to move ahead and how I can stop feeling this way.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Thank you for all of the advice, I appreciate everything said and I am grateful for you all taking the time to listen and advise me today. I do know what I must do and I will do it. I am going to be the best husband I can be for my wife, I know that I can be a better man. Again, thank you all.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 August 2014):
 GROW a set.
What you have with the other woman is an emotional affair built on lies, you haven't even told her you are married, so it's NOT a friendship. You have a "fake friendship", and you don't know what to do?
You know exactly what to do.
Fess up to the other woman and SET HER free. YOU are stringing her along, which is cruel, since you claim to have no desire to leave your wife.
YOU know EXACTLY why you are texting that woman. You just don't want to face the truth that you are NOT being a good husband and that you are NOT being good about working on your marriage.
If your marriage is LACKING something, be it romance, be it attention, whatever.. then YOU need to COMMUNICATE that to your wife and together you TWO work it out.
Put the shoe on the other foot for a day. HOW would you feel if your wife was texting some other dude, like you are texting another woman? Bet that wouldn't feel right.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (1 August 2014):
 You say that texting her makes you feel sick well, do you like that sick feeling? I ask because you continue to do it. She doesn't even know you're married. Why is that? I'm just curious as to why you haven't told her. It's quite clear that you've developed feelings for this woman you've been texting. She's her own woman. You're married. She can sleep with whom ever she pleases because she can and has no one to answer to, she can do whatever she wants. You on the other hand are married OP. You have a wife and you need not just acknowledge that but learn to respect it as well. She's the woman you come home to. Not this other woman. So I suggest that before you start physically cheating (you've got emotional locked down at this point), you should do what you've done before which is cut all contact with this woman you've been texting and let me tell you something, you should not feel bad about cutting contact, you should feel worse about what you're doing to your wife rather than how the other woman feels. Cut contact immediately and don't look back because things have a way of working out and your wife finding out on her own may not even be that far off. Fix your marriage because if you feel something is missing and you think looking for it elsewhere will solve all of your problems, that won't work. Play your role as a husband. Your wife deserves to have the man that she married, not the man you've been for the past year or so.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 August 2014):
 You know exactly what you need to do and you've done it once before. Show some character this time and stick to the no contact.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (1 August 2014):
 If you want to make things right and stop feeling guilty and sick then you need to wipe the other woman out of your life COMPLETELY. Change your phone number, your email, any kind of contact that you have will her has to be removed. You need to look forward, not back. Concentrate on your wife and stop having an emotional affair. Secrets have a way of getting out and if you don't nip this in the bud, it could very well come back to slap you in the face. It would be a good idea to seek counselling..preferably for you and your wife but if nothing else, at least for yourself. What is wrong with your marriage that made you get involved with someone else?? Figure out what is wrong/missing and fix it. Do not let things go any further with the other woman if you want to save your marriage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Now you have a good reason to delete the number and end the "friendship." Now you're feeling bad because she slept with someone else. Time to break a habit!!!
It's bothering you; because you are technically cheating on your wife. In an "intellectual" way.
You feel jealousy, because you're developing an emotional connection/attachment beyond friendship; and this is only going to lead to "physically" cheating on your marriage. Your ego is now damaged, and it will takeover and cloud your judgment. That's how full-fledged affairs begin, my good-fellow!
It isn't that you don't want to hurt the woman. You don't want to hurt yourself, by giving-up your secret phone-affair. You've been stroking your ego so long; you've lost touch with the reality that you're in a real marriage.
You've nurtured your lie for a long-time, now you're addicted to it. Yes my friend. It's a lie. A lie by omission that you're married to one woman (the friend), and a lie that you're a faithful-spouse to the other (your wife).
You claim how much you love your wife, but you disprove this by betraying her trust. Imagine if your wife did this to you with another man.
You're hiding the fact that you have a secret female friend; because you want to leave the option open to have sex with her sooner or later. You are living a secret life; because you are being greedy for attention. It's one thing to have an open and transparent friendship with a female friend. This would only prove everything is innocent and above board. This is a spouse's nightmare. Sneaking behind his or her back.
To carry-on in secret bears an element of deceit. So there is no innocence; and you can't deny your tactics are underhanded. You have to hide the messages. You have to pretend the woman doesn't exist, and you have to pretend that you aren't married. Both women have been fooled.
This amounts to fraud. That isn't a pretty word. That's what it is! You seem to be a decent guy, but you took something too far. Now fix it. Delete her number. I don't recommend even bothering to tell either about the other.
It isn't necessary to hurt either of them.
You will find your redemption by giving up your bad habit for your marriage. You can make-up for it by being really good to the lady you married and claim to love. That's a fair exchange. You love her? Prove how much!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (1 August 2014):
 You want to move on? Just stop texting the other woman, get her out of your life and stop cheating on your poor wife who has no clue about all your activities. You took vows when you got married, did all that mean nothing to you? I really cannot understand how cheaters say things like, "I love my wife but I cant get over the other woman". You DON'T love your wife, if you did then you would never cheat on her.
OP how would you feel if your wife had written this post for a man that she was having an affair with? What would your reaction be? Do you think you could forgive her? What would you want her to do? What if she said that she was sick to her stomach and yet she couldn't let go of the other man?
Please stop and think. You are playing with fire. It takes just one second to ruin a marriage but you'll have your whole life to regret it.
The other woman is sleeping around with other people and you're cheating on your wife. Honestly, you sound perfect for each other. Just leave your poor wife, tell her all this, let her go and then carry on with your dalliances.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Just end it. Ignore your feelings, your married. Think about your wife and only your wife.
Your wife deserve all your love and affection and no one else. Delete the other woman into your memory and to your life.
Be a good husband.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Just end it. Ignore your feelings, your married. Think about your wife and only your wife.
Your wife deserve all your love and affection and no one else. Delete the other woman into your memory and to your life.
Be a good husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): Stop. Texting. Her.
Don't explain, just delete her number and concentrate on your real life.
She slept with 'someone' because she's not in a relationship with you.
It is difficult recovering from an emotional affair, but if you really do love your wife, and want to stay married, cut all contact now and walk away from this now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2014): This is wrong on so many levels. You obviously have feelings for this other women as you wouldn't be bothered if she was sleeping with Tom, dick & Harry. You said only friends, this doesn't strike me as just friends. Are you sure she doesn't know your married... bit weird. Do you actually see her or literally just text? If you say you love your wife, cut all ties with this woman & concentrate on your marriage. You wouldn't like it if it was the other way around.
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