A
female
age
30-35,
*aybee-x-sparkii
writes:hey. this may be a bit long it needs a bit of explaining. well basically i love my dad to pieces, he was always the best thing in my life, fun, rebellious everything my mother wasnt. i knew he had his flaws but i ignored them as you do when you were younger. yesterday i was told mroe about him, hes a very young father and im 16 now. he treated me like shit yesterday basically because i was on my period and he doesnt want his little girl growing up. i was in the car with his girlfriend and we were talking about him and she came out with this bit about why he didn't go to college and business school and stuff. because of me. because i was born.i don't know how to feel i guess im hurt because he can't even tell me. but i want out i guess. i want to change the custody of me, my mum has sole custody and he sees me at weekends. im 16 so i can do this i think but how do i go about this? please help if you can
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female
reader, Plutonious  +, writes (2 March 2009):
That's messed up of your father that he said that to you. He couldn't go to college and finish because of you, and it's even worse of HOW he said it to you. Obviously you are hurt from it, so he must of complained about why he didn't finish.
But guess what? who's responsible for their own actions then? (not that your the one to blame, no offense) you father's.
My mom blamed me for being born because she couldn't finish college. and let me tell u it's not the easiest thing to hear from a loving parent like yours.
I'm sure your father loves you, but really that was out of line for him to say that.
But you also gotta see what he went through to raise you in a good environment, get you through school, do your homework, take care of you the best way he can.
He probably needs a little appreciation from you by saying how much you thank him and how grateful you are for having a caring father who sacrificed his education to take care of his own. right?
If you still feel awkward around your dad then do what's best.
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (2 March 2009):
 I love OtherStarfish's answer.
You can tell your dad that you would love it if both of you can go to college "together". Bot of you can start planning what subjects you want to take. He can do it as an Open University course, or as a part time student at a local college. Then you will have fun discussing school assignments together, if you happened to chose similar subjects.
Your dad loves you and worry about you. If he does not care about you, he would not be bothered about even seeing you on weekends. He just does not want you to make the same mistakes he made when he was your age.
Give your dad a great big hug, and thank him for loving you! And ask him to forgive you when you are being rebellious :-)
Cat
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Life throws cards that none of us expects. I think the GF meant it in a nice way to let you know he has done what most good dads do and that is make sacrifices for you.
I would tell him (or write it) - just say something like ; i know it must of been tough for you at that age and although i am not the best daughter in the world, you are the best dad.
i don't know anything about the custody thing and i wouldn't worry too much at 16, by the time you sort paperwork you will be 18 and it won't matter so much.
Big Hug Star.x.
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