A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Im writing becasue I can't seem to find peace at home and I don't know what to do.My parents have been married for about 23 years, but my mom's had to deal with infidelities, indecision physical and physiological abuse (IN THE PAST).I have always been there to hear my mom on all her grief but nowdays we are ALL fighting and I can't find peace. I wake up crying... it's been a living nightmare.T help my parents pay for college expenses (besides the fact that I have a scholarship)this summer I am working 2 jobs that require me to travel long distances, My car broke down two days ago. (Me and my dad are not currently talking because of a miscomunications that my dad seems to keep on rubbing in my face anytime I try to ask for help: he simply says: "Oh! so now you need me huh?" when we ALL need of each other!. i have helped him to finish his work (he's a janitor)) and now he has refused to help me fix it nor tow it home (it's in my work's parking lot). He also says that he doesn't have the money that I lent him and he doesn't know when he can pay me. I am extremely frustrated, angry, sad, enfuriated becuase I worked hard to earn my $200 and I need them to pay some bills and get around to my 2 jobs...I had a fight with my mom and we said things to each other that we shouldn't have.... but I can't stand it anymore!... i must leave home... but knowing my dad, if I leave he won't talk to me nor pay for ANY of the stuff that he helps me to pay now, car insurance, cell phone...My question is:what are the things that I need to know about moving out?is there a place that I can stay at for free while I get my stuff together?What are the common expenses when someone moves out?Any advices?I trust that GOd has put me this challenge but I don't know where to start?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to thank everyone! It's been almost half a year from this, I am doing a lot better thanks to all the advice and encouragement!. YOUR ADVICE HELPED A LOT!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): HiYou seem a sensible young lady and i trust you to stay calm as yes we are often challenged....how do yu REACT? is their anyway that you can detach your role of RESCUER? i understand due to past experiences you probably feel a certain responsibility in the home as peace maker and now you are all fighting....hmmmmm not a happy healthy enviroment t be in....not good while you are working so hard aswell it must get overwhelming ...and frustrating...please let your parents sort their arguments out and you step aside.Quite irresponsible of dad not paying you money back...maybe he can;t and this is what alot of the arguments are abOUT money? CAN YOU GO AND LIVE IN THE HALLS OF RESIDENCE WHERE YOU STUDY? ASK THE ACCOMODATIN STAFF AND THEY WILL PROBABLY BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU NUMEROUS HOUSE SHARES WITH OTHER STUDENTS AT REASONABLE PRICES ....TALK TO THE COLLEGE STAFF TALK !!!!stress is not good for you..... and crying when you wake up is a warning of depression so maybe you need t rest a little and dont take on to much including other peoples arguments.....stay stummmmm....but talk to the college and slow down. good luck it will all calm down when YOU calm down.
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A
female
reader, BadAsh6705  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 You should look into living on campus at your school. You can use your scholarship toward it and if you need to, you can apply for other financial aid (grants, loans) to help pay for it. You can also ask at school about roommates, most schools have programs to match up roommates so you can find someone else at school to live with. You don't need to be in the middle of your parents' problems anymore and it is only going to add to your stress and make things harder for you.
It sounds like your parents (at least you dad) are taking out their frustrations on you and you don't deserve that.
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A
female
reader, °Ale°  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 Being in that situation isn't easy. I myself went through something similar with the exception that I had a job to fall onto. Theres a million and two things that you need to not only have in consideration but also have a secure access to. Moving out requires you to have a steady income (it would be ten times worst if you found yourself in a situation where you couldn't pay the rent and you got kicked out) Yes, it will bring you all the peace and serenity that you're so hungry for now, but it can turn into your worst nightmare. What I suggest is that you put up with your current living situation and save LOTS until you can have three times the rent (on a decent yet affordable place) that way you'll have a safety net and if anything were to come up you have something to back you up. About your vehicle, are you able to apply for a car loan? perhaps find an affordable car that can be n a better condition and make small payments?As far as your family goes- we really don't choose our families, but we do get to choose our reactions and attitudes that we project. Don't let them get the best of you. stay calm and focus on what's going to get you to a better place.All the best!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 July 2008):
 I'd look for a friend of the family you can go and gather your thoughts. Your family definately needs some healing. Talk about a high level of being off balance. I can see why you are discouraged. These situations are never easy. It's hard for the child to get their parents to understand how their behavior is affecting the family.
I wish I had more for you. Your family would be in need of professional help. I don't want to give you advice that without a mediator would cause you more harm being there than good.
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