Fairness... justice...

Tagged as: Breaking up

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Article - (23 September 2009)

5 Comments - (Newest, 27 September 2009)

A male age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Its Something that I have been thinking about since my last break up ….. was the most hurtful thing in my life. I have failed in many things in my life. Jobs, friendship, maybe, studies, but I didn’t suffer as much as I suffered in my break up.

The thing that I would like to talk about is the fairness , justice

Its came from my view, my personal experience

We loved each other , we did , we were happy , he was in need for me as I was

He wanted me , as I wanted him , we were happy , doing things together , dreaming about future and planning for our owns , why everything gone? Without reason ..if there was I wouldn’t write here.

We he cooled down…. Why … why his face wasn’t the face

Why his eyes wasn’t the eyes … his smile was fake and his words were lies

There was any cheating or violence?, no ,

Did I put him down .. no , Did I lie on him

Did I, did I, did I ,

I was waiting him , I was missing him while he was near me

My gift was … he dumped me ,why .. his reason was that I was possessive and he had no other reason …

This is the way he appreciated my love .. I wanted him for me ..

Was it fair … is this fair

He broke my heart and he left happy ..he started his next day like he didn’t belong to me

Like I wasn’t there … like I am nothing ….

Is it fair … he is happy and I am dead why ?

Just I want to know why . if there is answer ?

2 month and I cant get him out of my mind .. I cant see any guy on this planet and he started seeing others .. he is happy with them , while I am sad

……… he started his new life . seconds from the break up …

Is it tax I have to pay because I spent some quality time in the heaven? Because I was happy ,I felt myself human like any happy couples

And why he has not to pay the tax

.. I don’t want him . just I wish see him suffering as he did to me

Thanks

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A female reader, cornfedgirl +, writes (27 September 2009):

No, it is not fair. Someone, usually always get hurt. I am in love with the only man that I have really loved. Or is it the only that I thought I loved. Doesn't matter what you call it. "It is what it is." He says that all the time, when we were together. I hated it! To me, it sounded like he wasn't taking this as seriously as I was. What I felt for him was so intense. I thought he was my soul mate. I felt like I knew him already the first time we met. I told him that he had an "old soul." He was almost twenty years younger than me. I fell like a rock. Couldn't help it. I wanted to be with him all the time. I loved talking with him, we could talk about anything. We shared things with one another about ourselves that we had not shared with anyone else. I could be me, in all of my craziness, and he loved me. We loved to laugh, we loved to take walks at the beach, watch movies, just be with together, it didn't matter what we were doing. As far as the sex, my body never responded to anyone like it did with him. Our first sexual encounter is the highlight of our sex life for both of us. My panties almost made a splash when they hit the floor! It stayed that way throughout our entire relationship. So where does unfairness part come in? He lied to me from day one. Of course he doesn't call it that, he says, he just didn't tell me everyone. Fine. Is that fair. Long story short. A year after we were together, I find out that there is in fact another woman,(of course shes' his age) and they have just had a son together. He told me this himself, three months after I had broken up with him, because I didn't see him or even talk to him on the weekend of his birthday. He took my car, keys to my apartment, and went out Saturday night, and didn't come back until 5 a.m., the time I usually get up to get ready for work. I cried all day Sunday. So the first I see him in almost three months, he tells me that "I just had a son, I'm not with his mother." I'm an idiot, I admit it. Because I overlooked the fact that not only does this man who represented himself to be single, childless, and trustworthy, he was a liar! A selfish, manipulative, controlling, undeserving of my love, liar! I kept seeing him, but, it wasn't long before I realized that I couldn't continue to see him. He was now living with her (for his son), and wanted to still keep everything between him and I. In other words, he wanted to keep my car every night, and come in the pick me and take me to work, to keep all day, and then spend his evenings with me, but, go home at night and sleep (as he says on the couch) with her. It was too painful for me. It's not what I signed on for. When I tried to tell him how I felt, that I love him too much to share. That I even felt guilty about seeing him, now that I know about her. It was all just too much for me. Too complicated. It was fun, now it was real. He was a father with a family. He snapped. At first I told him that I needed some time, you know, I just needed some time to get my head around it. He didn't want that. He said that was the same thing as breaking up, and that he was going to make sure that I didn't come back. I was driving him home, he had just come to pick me up for work. His son was in the back seat asleep, he was only about 4 months old then. I started crying when I started trying him again how I feel. I love this guy, I don't want to leave him, but, not only do I feel manipulated (because he told me he couldn't tell me the truth because he knew I wouldn't go for it. He said that he had to wait until I had feelings for him), I'm feeling guilty about what we are doing to this woman who obviously loves him. I read some of the text's from her. She said things like, "why does she feel used?" I could relate to how, I felt her love for him and the pain that he was causing her. Because there were many parallels between her and my own daughter, (she is a single mother of three, out here working and trying to make it) and these jerk guys that are not deserving of her, and that made it even confusing and painful for me. I always conflicted. It was never a peaceful place to be once I saw the person he is, instead of the person he represented himself to be, or the person I wanted him to be. Either way, it isn't fair. I love him. Still. But, I'm not with him because it's not right for me. For almost four years, I was the one that he sneaked around with. The one that had to keep quiet while he talked to her on the phone, and pick him up around the corner. She got holidays. He never moved out from living with her. Never left her (for the kids), oh, did I forget to say that he had another baby with her fifteen months later. I still tried to stay with him, because he kept saying, I'm there for my kids." Again, overlooking the obvious question of "how do you get another kid with somebody you don't want?" There is so much more detail that I could share to show the "injustices" and "unfair play", but, I think I've said enough to give you an idea of how far I was willing to "extend" myself to accomodate this selfish person, whom I thought loved me, but, in reality doesn't really love anyone. He honestly is incapable of loving anyone, he doesn't love himself. How do I know that? Because he used her and me to make himself feel better. In other words, he let us love him, he let us give to him, he let us take care of him, which we willingly did, because we thought he loved us too. But, he's empty inside. He doesn't love himself, so he uses our feelings to keep us. A narcissist "mirrors" what is around him. We only saw the "reflection" of our love for him. So many times, I said that to him,"I see myself in you," and I thought it was a good thing, and It can be with the right person. Not with someone so full of self-loathing, worthlessness, and insecurities that are so all consuming that they have to use ours against us. They have use our most private secrets to control us, to say that I know you don't like this about yourself, so I tell you that no one else but me will put up with that. No one else will touch, or spend time, or love you, but me, because you are not perfect in their eyes. Why would you want to be perfect in the eyes of someone whose vision is so distorted? Love is not fair or just.Period.