A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,I recently got re-engaged with someone whom i had a 5 year on/off relationship from another state. He proposed in September and now its December and he refuses to add me on his Facebook because he feels "he needs his space and he wants to take one step at at time". I really love him a lot, but this has situation is getting the best of me. I have tried to speak to him about it and we have gotten into many fights over this. I'm not sure what to make of all this and I dont want to end our engagement due to facebook! Please help!
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female
reader, chloebabeechick +, writes (11 December 2010):
 I wouldn't dismiss this so easily either. It's one thing if someone doesn't want to share their relationship status or photos on facebook, but people add extremely casual acquaintances and even strangers to their facebook. What's onm there they wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with their soon to be spouse? Very strange indeed along with his comment about taking things slowly. Adding someone on facebook is what you do usually when you initially meet someone, he's going to marry you! You're taking things as far as they can go! I'd push and demand a reasonable explanation, maybe also show him this page to prove that you're not crazy and there are others who concur.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): Thank you all for this great advice! I will definately think about all this great advice. I clearly have to re evaluate this relationship. I don't think it's right to keep things secret from one another especially if this is going to be my future "husband". I don't feel that this is not setting a good precedent for what's to come.
I will keep you posted!
Thank you all!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): Hi there!
Im seeing a girl and I dont even have her on my fb at all because I keep things private and dont like people asking questions about our relationship. She totally understands and respects that. I dont have anything to hide from her at all this is just my general philosophy and point of view on relationships. He may want to keep things private? Ask him ... I feel he isnt telling you everything and to be honest thats a bad sign because a healthy relationship and marriage should have trust. With an on and off relationship, I could see that feasibly but that doesnt necessarily doom the marriage. It just means both parties need to work on a few things and if he's willing to open up a bit more...then +1 in communication and a step forward. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): Then tell him he needs to add you if he has nothing to hide. If he still refuses then you might need to end your engagement and it won't be due to facebook it will be due to him.
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A
female
reader, mysticpurple  +, writes (10 December 2010):
hi there
Its not facebook,, its your doubts as to why he wont add you.. could be hiding something could be not... you need to decide wether or not you want to be in this realtionship,, having secrets in a relationship isnt good for a long term commitment .
If hes got no secrets why wont he add you.. he obviously not telling you why. do you want to be in a relationship where its not honest and trustworthy ? :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): I think you said it - its only Facebook. If you were 'on and off' he may have friends on his list that might raise a few questions (who is she, did you date her). Who knows, but it may well be all ok. So don't worry about it. It seems a small issue so don't let it derail your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): The first thing you need to realize is this isn't about facebook. Here he is claiming he wants to spend his life with you; yet there's something here, as *minor* as a web page, that he doesn't want to share because it might be "moving too fast".
There isn't really an explanation for it except for teh simple reason he doesn't want you to see his interactions with friends or other online social networking activities. This is your potential future husband, and if something as simple as facebook is "too much" for him, there must be something else attatched to it.
I'm not sure if you know what his facebook has on it that he may want to hide, and I'm not suggesting, condoning, or judging any snooping you may want to do. But if *this* is where he wants to start drawing privacy lines, there *has* to be a reason.
Don't call of your engagement because he won't add you to facebook. A call like that has to do with WHY he won't. Just make sure you know what's really bothering you, and what's really making him nervous.
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