A
female
age
36-40,
*lexia846
writes:Helppp! I have been in a relationship for the last five years with a guys that is older than me i am 24 now and he is 29. Our relationship has been quite ROCKY and stormy, it has been me mostly going after him, and him being unsure of what he wanted it. He always tried to change me:1. He said I needed to loose weight. I am 5'3 and 127 pounds and he has always had a problem with my bloated belly. He still does, he wants to reassure that I will loose the belly before we get married2. He wants me to stop spending money on expensive bags and calls me irresponsible(i do this cause i find satsfaction in materialistic things i am missing it from him)3.He flips out and leaves me places 4.If i dont wear makeup sometimes he will comment on how i look not good and need to put foundation on. After five years of hell and him breaking up with me, I realized that he doesnt love me, he loves a changed vesion of me.. my QUESTION AM i RIGHT? I am ready to leave and experience life, i wanna feel loved, am i GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.??ppl say i am a beautiful girl and I want to desperately hear that, i wanna feel loved, and appreciated. some please tell me I am doing the right thing and not looking back..I know that even if i loose the weiht, become more ndependet he will find something else to change in me..please send me some hope. I am in grad school almost done and one of my classmates commented on how great i looked and it brought me to tears, because i wanted to feel that love.. lately I dont feel it from my ex, and I know now that he sees he is gonna loose me he will try to persuade me to come back please any advice..I am getting ready to leave him, but I am a bit scared, but I want to
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female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (14 December 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits true jonas your right :( this is just a horrible chapter in my life..... i just dont even want to face it
A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (14 December 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionguys thank you again! is it true that people do not change? like that his personality will not change, i mean if he comes back and says he is a changed man and acts all sweet and everything.. and makes me feel guilty.. but i wonder if ppl change.
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (13 December 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjonas i cant thank you enough, its been really difficult, and you are right, he does get angry and i would try always put up with it. I shouldnt have enough is enough, he gets mad sometimes over the smallest things, it unbelievable, its a hard thing to swallow thought that someone cant love you back like you want to, and its hard to imagine starting brand new when I dont even believe in love anymore. thank you again for the inspirational words, they help because i am sure he will try to come back and be sweet, but i really deep down inside do not believe he will change, and even if he does I HAVE never been with any other man. he was my first bf ever so its gonna be extra hard. but i hope one day i'll be okay
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (13 December 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you lugerhaus you are right, I am hoping one day this will all be a distant memory i feel sick to my stomach, i just dont even want to roll out of bed
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (12 December 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you guys so much
what i mean by he leaves me is that there have been a couple of times where we would argue in the beggining and he would be like get outa the car, or get outa the house, and I would have to walk home or call someone to pick me up, because he gets upset over the smallest things sometimes.. For example now that he wants to come back, we went to go for a breakfast cofee and he was like oh why didnt you put some foundation on. . BUT YOU GUYS are right, i;m just so scared that my mind will change if he starts acting nice. because i have been with him for five years, and that is a longg time, but a part of me s so insecure actually all of me is insecure that I do not know what do do with my self.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): Hi hun,
this man is emotionally abusing you. abuse should never be tollerated. he says these things to you because he is insecure himself and is scared of losing you. your in a toxic relationship. get out of it. believe me you wont regret it. you will be free to start building on your confidence and enjoy life once more. its never to late and you have a whole new wonderful life ahead of you. who knows there could be mister good guy just round the corner. take that leap of faith.
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A
female
reader, pink nails  +, writes (11 December 2010):
my eyes double checked the "he leaves you places"
are you serious? does he not care about what can happen?
you should be loved for who you are. Don't question the break up because you are used to having him around, he did not treat you right!
fight on!
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (11 December 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjonas i cannot THANK YOU enough, lately I dont see myself deep down inside growing old with him, because he doesnt even share the same passions as me, i love literature and poetry and he doesnt even like that. he is the one that ended it and now came back but enough is enough i think u are right. i am only CLINGING TO him because I am scared and lonely.. thank you jonas and god bless
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (11 December 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionjonas thank you that brought me to tears, I cant thank you enough i need to wake up, its so easy to run into the arms of someone else to ease the pain but i know that wont be the soluion. My soul feels battered, i deperately want to FEEL really feel love, and it seems all the ones with the best personalities are taken. Sometimes it feels so lonely.. so confusing. I do not know how i ended up like this. I gave my heart, my hosesty and my sould, and all I got back was more insecurities than I can deal with. I am soo scared to love again. so afraid.
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (10 December 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you jonas! i hope that one day i can find someone that loves me for me, i feel very bruised and shatered and I hope it will heal one day. I am so self concious its sad but i hope someone can make me feel good
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (10 December 2010):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone, I have such a low confidence to this man, and I was always and still am afraid that no one will love me. I don’t know how to love myself. People say I am a beautiful girll but after five years of this it has been so hard. I have a masters degree and my life ahead of me but I’m so scared. I feel so scared, I believe that he does not respect me right. I mean he has told me he loves me but if you love someone you would not change them so much
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010): It seems your confidence is low due to your partner constantly wanting to change you. Thing is, you have to be yourself to be happy. You need to feel comfortable with yourself too. Clearly he wants you to be a person you are not. There is someone out there who will love you for you -that's the way it needs to be. Let him go off and find this perfect person he requires. If you stay with him you'll have a life of constantly trying to fit a mould, anxious about every small weight gain. Also he sounds quite controlling.
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A
female
reader, mysticpurple +, writes (10 December 2010):
hi there
why are you still with a guy that treats you so horribly.. you want to leave and made your mind up hes not for you so leave..Yes it will be hard at first but i think it will be a welcome relief for you once you have done it and will think why you did not do it earlier..
There is someone out there who will love you for you warts and all.. you never know he could be waiting round the next corner.. so get out there enjoy life and leave this horrible person in the past :)
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