A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunties and Uncles,I was in a relationship with a man for almost 2 years. I recently broke it off with him because he was texting another women. Nothing horribly inappropriate, but eventually he admitted he was attracted to her and started talking to her for those reason. Obviously, we broke up. Anyway, long story short, I needed to get some paperwork I had left at his house and we started talking. Turns out, he blames me for his indiscretion! He said that it was because I didn't trust him and had looked in his phone (I did this 3 times, the last time I looked in his phone I found his exchanges with this other women)so he figure that since I don't trust him, he should just act the way I thought he would and not be faithful. He said he felt bad about what he did, but immediately found a way to make it my fault. What do you think? Why would someone do that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much Uncles and Aunties!!! Wow, your words were all so helpful. Especially hearing from the uncles, I have to admit this happening was making me a little cynical towards relationships so hearing from the men in our community was so wonderful. I appreciate each and everyone feedback! Love my dearcupid peeps:)
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (31 August 2014):
 He sounds very immature. Date a man not a boy. Silly Billy needs to grow up.
He "cheated" on you and then blames you for his actions. Pathetic. Move on my friend and find a decent, mature, sensitive, intelligent guy to date. (Here I am ladies!)
Mark
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2014): Just stop having any contact with him. Hes one big drama queen and blames you for what is only his own fault. Pity him not! Go on without him. Youll be surprised to see theres life beyond this cheaters. Take care. Youll be fine.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): Very classic of what promises to be a habitual liar and probable womanizer. Worst thing you could do is take him back because it would be carte blanche for him to continue this behavior. As for the snooping.......well suspicion is what leads women to do this and in my opinion and clearly in many cases it's warranted. Unfortunately, once this happens, it's really over. Send the fool on his way!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): He is trying to make excuses and blame it on you- this is all on him. He was pursuing this woman before you looked at his phone and he has admitted to that. He did this, he pursued someone else because he was attracted to her and he didn't give a damn about being faithful.
This is all so typical, don't listen to his lies. He is upset he got caught. There is nothing wrong with you what you did, this is about him wanting to have other women and lying about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): I think he's blowing smoke up your skirt. He's so full of bullsh*t he could open his own fertilizer plant. Checking out other women is his own idea, and if anything was lacking in your relationship; all he had to do was open his mouth. Well, if all he can offer is stupid excuses; perhaps it was best he didn't, and let his actions f*ck him up!
Snooping on his phone is intrusive; but saying he cheated because he might as well do it, is as effective as saying the devil made him do it. We have brains and the ability to communicate. People have no problem yelling and arguing when they're pissed-off. I wonder why it's so damned hard to have a frank and civilized conversations about our needs and how to compromise; to workout issues in our relationships. I mean, seriously?!!
To insult your intelligence by making it your fault he is out flirting and text messaging other women is preposterous, and just freaking stupid. I could punch him in the balls for being such a poor excuse of a male. Our gender has to take the wrap for knuckle-heads like him.
Well, in the end; he got what's coming to him. He got his ass kicked to the curb; but he sure as hell couldn't bow out gracefully. He had to put a nail in his coffin by talking sh*t; and giving you further cause to celebrate his good riddance! Well, it's a good joke to pass around over cocktails with your girlfriends! The guy sounds like a classic moron.
Sorry things had to end in such a way. It happens to the best of us. Just something more we learn in life that makes us stronger as individuals.
To quote my dad: "It takes a few bad run-ins with fools to make us fool-proof!"
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (26 August 2014):
 I agree with the other aunts completely. As for why he did this, I may have an answer. My ex husband was a lot like this. He could do no wrong ever, his ego wouldn't allow it. One time he was caught in a lie and immediately made it my fault he lied. So I'd wager that your ex boyfriend is egotistical, thinks very highly of himself, and truly does consider this to be your fault. He's delusional and devoid of empathy as well. He's an asshole who is full of himself. Be glad to be rid of him, I'm thrilled to be rid of mine :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 August 2014):
 I honestly laughed at your post (NOT AT YOU) but seriously? He told you it was YOUR fault?
Honey, don't tell you me you believe his bullshit?
He is mad that HE got caught being LESS than decent.
Like Cindy explained he is acting like a child. He blames you because it is EASIER then owning up to the fact that he was not a Keeper.
Please, please laugh it off. And learn from this.
I normally don't advocate snooping, I think it's so very detrimental. Not only to the relationship, but primarily to the one DOING the snooping. Because it puts the "snooper" in a "monitor" position. They think they HAVE to check up on their mate in order to get them to behave, which isn't the case. No amount of snooping will make a cheater NOT cheat. Get my point?
And last but not least..... THANK your lucky star that you ended it. IMAGINE what else he would blame on you given the chance? IMAGINE the bull-crap stories he would make up?
Yea, honey.. you dodged a bullet.
I'd get ALL my stuff out of his place proto and ignore him for the rest of my life. What an asshat!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 August 2014):
 What an asshole but then what do you expect from a cheater? Of course he doesn't have the balls to own up and accept that he slipped. He doesnt feel bad that he did it, he feels bad that he was caught. He's such a pathetic person, he cant bear the thought of having been exposed so now he's blaming YOU so that it makes you look like the bad guy who drove him to cheat.
Wow! Really! Sometimes I'm amazed that such shameless people even exist! Don't even bother dignifying his bullshit with a response.
I read something a while back that would be just right for you. "Why don’t you just pretend that the asshole dropped dead? You can’t call or write to a dead man. Put a couple of candles in front of his picture, say a few Hail Marys, and get it over with."
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 August 2014):
 Well, you answered your own question, I guess : To not take responsibility, to refuse- and defuse- blame, and to make it as it was all somebody else's fault and he is an innocent victim of circumstances ,who could not have done differently.
Because he's a child , basically. When a child bumps into a table, it's always the table's fault because it just stood there in the way :).
It's bullshit, of course. In this guy's case, clumsy, badly confectioned bullshit. Laugh him in his face and forget about it ( and about him ).
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