A
female
age
30-35,
*kyla4514
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and things started out beautiful but that something beautiful is dying now. We met through an social network dating site and when we first decided to meet up, I was reluctant and scared, but I went for it anyway. That day was one of the best moments of my life, the sparks and our affection for each other just grew stronger and stronger. We are both international students in England and during summer holidays, we went back to our respective countries. 2 months of long-distance relationship was hard but we managed to go through it all. They say LDR is hard but we got over it. We call, facetime each other almost everyday. I even talked to his childhood friends and families and they were all welcoming and so friendly. He's 21 and I'm 22, He's Arabic and I am Asian.. we are from 2 different worlds, with different cultures but we started to learn about each other's country, culture and I am loving every single of it. I've met his family, his relatives and alot of his friends and he was so proud to tell them "This is my girlfriend", I have never been happy for that. No one is so proud to tell the world that I'm his. I'm not that special anyway. His relatives are so friendly and they accepted me as one of their own and being introduced to his family for the first few months we were dating was overwhelming but I loved every single one of them. I am always homesick since I am away from my family but his family are staying with him in the UK and being around them makes me feel like I'm home. You know that feeling? 2 months after summer break, we met again and things were going fine at first. He's always so romantic, just being his normal self and the relationship was normal. I stayed over at his place and he was showing me videos of him back from his country on his laptop, he showed me pictures of his family back there and everything that happened and something happened, he said "I wouldnt reccomend you open this folder", I asked why "He said, they're pictures of my exes". Me being my stupid self, I asked him to show me and he said "I only want to show you this because I want to be completely honest with you in this relationship, I don't want to lie. If you wanna see the photos, you can."So I did, and to my shock.. there were naked photos of his ex girlfriends, some of them alone and some with him. Of course, I got a little carried away with my feelings, I felt this jealousy and hatred running through my head and I hated him. Little did I realize, I should have known that, that was his past but I wasnt thinking straight, I was just completely extremely jealous. We fought over it abit but he doesnt seem to care. Except for me, those images of him just won't stop playing in my head. Why would he still keep a folder of his exes and worst, photos of them naked together! It just pains me to think and see them, and I absolutely hated him for that. Next morning, I woke up and he opened up his snapchat and said "Oh, (?) sent me a video", and that name was familiar cause it was one of his ex gf 's name. I asked if he is still talking to her and he said, she just keeps sending me random photos and videos of her and her family. The jealosy worsened. I just hated him for that and didnt want to talk to him at all, he wanted to hold hands but I didnt want to and he just simply not care about me after that. He walked fast and left me. We rode the bus but we didnt even sit together. I was literally crying sitting on the bus and thinking of wanting to go home, dont even want to think about this anymore. He's from Manchester, and I'm from newcastle, its about a couple of hours train ride and I did it just to see my boyfriend's face. I went all the way to see him, after 2 months of not seeing each other. Only god knows how much I missed him. Due to my over-jealousy, we fought and fought all along the way till I decided to get back to newcastle, I told him it's over, I cant do this. Im hurting and you're doing nothing. I told him I was jealous and he said nothing, he didnt even try to comfort me at all. He didnt even try to make things better, atleast that is what I thought. I went back to newcastle and it was over, the relationship was over. I cried for days cause it was too painful for me till I decided, I cant do this anymore. It has come to my realization that I really loved him and I can't lose him and that "my life is nothing without him". I was in bed for days, I tried to reach him but he wont answer any of my calls and texts. I said I was sorry and I loved him and sorry for not thinking straight, the jealousy got over my head and everything. Few days after attempting to reach him, he texted saying that we've got back together but if I do this again, it's over. He gave me another chance, I was happy. But everything just changed. Since we got back together, he never calls me anymore, never texts me. It's always me who's texting him first, trying to reach him and we usually end our calls with I love you, and he wouldn't say it back for 2 weeks straight now. I tried so hard to make plans to go to Manchester to meet him again and try to work things out, but he's always putting me off. He;s not his usual loving self anymore, the relationship is going down the hill and I don't know how I am going to save this and work this out. That night when we spend it together, I caught him texting up until 4 in the morning but everything was in Arabic so I didnt understand. Now he's always online on what's app until 5 in the morning and I am still here waiting for him to give me a text but never. I think he has found someone else, and he's probably not cheating on me, but I think he fancies someone more than he fancies me. He always say, I'll call you later, but he never does and I always end up waiting for him and not sleeping just waiting for his call but he never does. Things aren't the same anymore since the break up and I dont know what to do. I really want to work things out, but he just wont let me. I have sent him a couple of texts but he never replies but reads them, and is online. He just disregard everything and all the effort I do trying to work our relationship out. He never tells me anything, he usually does, like going to Uni, going to work, going home.. but since then he doesn't do that anymore.It just hurts that I am right here waiting for him to give a text and call but he never does. Since the break up, Ive started to become this clingy girlfriend, texting him a lot, giving him calls. My insecurities are just all over the place and the fact that I know that there's another girl in between us. Tell me what should I do with this relationship? I dont want to end it, I loved him too much and really want to try and work things out.. but my patience has reached its limit and sometimes, I feel like giving up but at times I just dont. I keep telling myself to stay strong, but I always ended up breaking down and just cry myself to sleep.
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ex girlfriend, got back together, his ex, I love you, jealous, my ex, spark, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 September 2014):
 He sounds like the winner of jerk-of-the year. If I were you, I'd find a real man,not one that is soin love with his naked bodythat he needs for all to see it.How'd you get mixed up with this loser?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2014): Why a you did wrong is not being jealous and feeling what you felt rightfully so, but getting back together with him. That was a real wrong move. Drop him, he sounds like a prick, and find yourself a decent guy
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A
female
reader, KC12  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 Sorry, honey he is playing you. Your jealousy and insecurity is NOT the problem, HE is. I recommend you just end it with him permanently. You really need to end it and rule him out as a "bad seed". You love who you thought he was--now you are seeing who he really is and he is not the type of person that you should be in a relationship with. (or anyone for that matter...) You're only "back together" in the technical sense if he is not talking to you, ...perhaps, he's just letting you sit there on the back burner until he's ready to deal with you.YOU deserve someone who treats you like a queen, not someone who plays these kind of mind games with you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 September 2014):
 You have a whole forest of red flags and you seem to think that YOUR behavior is in the wrong.
First of all I DO NOT think it's normal to keep nudes of your exes. And in a folder on your laptop? Well, that means it's easily accessible so not "souvenirs" from the golden days. To me the REEKS of mastubatory pictures.
While he might claim to be TOTALLY open and that is why he showed it to you, I think it was a defensive move. He assume that IF he shows you something and claims to be open as a book, you CAN NOT hold it against him. Which is right. BUT YOU CAN hold it against him to HOLD ONTO naked photos of exes. I would. I don't think pictures from holidays, day to day life is a no-no, but nudes? That is just not right.
Then there is the whole getting videos and pictures from an ex and making it sound like that is totally normal.... Well, a GUY who keeps an ex around like that, isn't over her, or is still seeing her on the sly.
YOU BF (or hopefully ex bf) is a DUDE, who like to get his ego rubbed by as many girls as possible, whether his GF likes it or not. It's ALL about him.
I hope for YOUR sake he doesn't have any nudes of you. Because you know where they will end up right? In his little "folder" and goodness knows where else.
Most people are on their BEST behavior when they first meet someone they like. They hide their bad tempers, their mean streaks, their rudeness and crudeness, but eventually it WILL shine through. The guy who is treating YOU like dirt and talking to goodness knows how many girls? THAT is who he is. The nice attentive guy you met and feel for.... was an act.
My advice?
STOP calling and texting him, CUT the contact 100%. He is DONE with you. And you SHOULD be done with him. This is NOt how you want a man to treat you, is it?
Let him go. Set yourself free, take some time to lick your wounds and then find a guy who IS a good guy all around, inside and out. Not like this sugarcoated turd, you have been dating.
You know you deserve better and you can DO better.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 You're not over-jealous. I think everyone, at least most people, would react with the same emotions you did. Who keeps in touch with their exes? Well, some. But who keeps photos of them together in a special folder? Very few. And who keeps naked pictures of their exes? People who don't want to move on....
I don't think he's over his exes, and I worry.. what if you stayed with him and he took pictures of you? Then you break up and he will show the pictures of you to his next girlfriend... Just like he showed his exes to you. It's just not right. I think there's something wrong with him, and you should stay away from him. I don't think this is normal behaviour, nor is it decent. There should be a clear distinction between an ex and a girlfriend, and is his case the line is blurred. He's still in touch with his exes, on a frequent basis, and he has their photos and can see them naked how often he wants, because he had naked pictures of them. Once the relationship ended, he should have deleted those pictures, and he should have pulled back on the contact. They are not friends of his! Friends do NOT have naked pictures of each other! That's not platonic!
You should not be with him, he isn't ready to be in a committed relationship until he decides where he stands with his exes. He can't keep his past loves around and look at them naked, while still being in a relationship with you.
As it is right now, I think your relationship is over anyway. He doesn't contact you. It's over. Let him go and be happy you didn't let him take your picture...
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt +, writes (24 September 2014):
Your bf(?) is a little bit stupid and a whole lot narsasistic. Anyone that wants naked pics of him or her self taken and 'posted' is more in love with themselves than anyone else. The best thing for you to do in my humble opinion is find a new bf.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2014): It sounds to me like he's a 'notch in the bed' kind of guy. If they're his exes, why does he still have their pictures? And why would he point out what the folder is when he knows it will be an issue?
In my eyes, that was baiting you and you took the hook.
If you're not happy, there are only two things you can do. You can confront him in person, face to face and get things sorted out. Or, you can break off the relationship and call it quits, find someone else.
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