A
male
age
36-40,
*du
writes:Ok so I don't know if I'm overreacting or if I have a valid reason to feel the way I'm feeling and sorry if this is long.Me and my girlfriend have a very good relationship, we can talk to eachother about anything, our communication is very good. The problem I have , well the thing that bothers me is that, everything she tells me she tells her male friends also(2of them in particular), I'm not talking about her telling them how her day was etc I'm talking about personal problems/issues.I feel like as her bf of over 1year there should be a difference in dialog between what she tells me and what she tells her male friends , that personal problems or w/e she should be able to tell me and not her male friends too. To me it feels like the only thing that spereates me from them is that I have the privilages of a bf(sexual and emotional contact etc) but i also feel that as a bf I should know things her male friends don't about her personal life. Am I overracting? Ladies I'd especially like your imput, are you like this too or do you find it desrespectful. Fellas how would you guys feel? Thanks, sorry for any typos I'm on my phone and it doesn't have spell chk lolol Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 i totally agree with you. Some things are and should be private. There is a guy know i met after my first husband died. I knew he liked me, and I thought he was engaging, very open, and very funny. BUT, we never ever went out, not for want of him trying either. The reason? As much as I liked him, i would listen horrified, as he related every little detail about all sorts of private stuff about his ex. I did not need to know about her x y z a b c issues he raised. Nor the bill she ran up, how much, how he bailed her out, which gf did what etc. He asked me point blank one day why I kept refusing him. Easy, i replied, i don't want to be one of your conversation topics. He didn't really understand. He is now multi-married. And multi-divorced. And I have to wonder if it is because he does not understand the words: tact discretion and diplomacy.
There are somes things best left unsaid. I rest my case.
A
male
reader, Ldu +, writes (14 January 2011):
Ldu is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the first poster, she tells me, well it comes out during conversations.Dirtball, ya that's exactly what I'm feeling like, more so because I don't tell my friends ither male or female All my personal stuff. There are things I only tell her etc. And yea she is pretty open and I do like that, but I'd like it only for me lol abit selfish? Possibly but that's how I feel. I will let her know how I feel about this the next time we speak. Thanks for the advice.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 January 2011):
 I can completely understand where you're coming from here. To me, she just sounds like a really open person. That's probably part of what attracted you to her in the first place, am I right?
Ideally, our partner is our closest friend and most secure confidant. It can feel like part of that is being taken away if our partner confides in others. The thing to keep in mind is that a lot of guys aren't comfortable discussing those things, so she may have developed these habits in previous relationships.
Talk to her. Tell her how you're feeling, and how you'd like some of that stuff to be just between you two. That it will make you feel like you're more special to her, and that your relationship is about more than the physical connection you have. That she doesn't have to stop talking to them, but if she could save some of that stuff for just you two, it would mean a lot to you. See how she reacts. If you present it correctly she will not feel attacked, but instead that you're sharing a concern you feel, and opening up to her about something you feel is important to your relationship.
Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, EPocket  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 many things are nor quite clear in ur question mate
1st. how u know that she tells them ? she tells u ? they tell u ? or its just how u feel . or she do it in-front of u ?
2nd. how deep these personal things are ? anything related to me is personal . but .. things are too ..
anyway .
as for me .. lets say that i know it from them or by chance or whatever the way is .. and these things are a bit critical to be known .. i`ll get pissed off and i`ll talk to her abt . if she is MINE she will understand that there are limits and she need to hold . if not or not willing to understand me or acting a fool .. i`ll simply move away cause i`ll get a heart attack if i stayed close
hope it helps :)
...............................
|
