A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I found out very recently that my husband was having an affair for the last 6 months. I am not sure if I can forgive him or ever trust him again. It's not like it was a one time thing. He wasn't even the one to tell me, I had to find out when I intercepted a phone call from her in the middle of the night. We have only been together 4 years and I am too young to be dealing with a man in his midlife crisis. He is 24 I am 22 and we have 2 kids together. I have spent the last 4 years doing everything I can FOR HIM. I made sure not to gain weight after the kids. I quit my job because he wanted me to be a stay at home mom. I wait on the man hand and foot. An hour ago I got out of the shower and he was gone without a word. Still havent heard from him. I don't think he respects me. What do you guys think? Should I even bother trying with him? I am kind of stuck because I don't have a job.
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): Sweetie, you're not stuck. Women in other parts of the world who can't leave the house without a male relative and have no rights to anything (not even their own bodies) are stuck. You live in America and have options. Only you can decide whether or not to stay in this marriage, but please make your choice based on what's best for you, not because you don't have a job.
A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 for a start no this man does not respect you, as the wife and the mother of his children you deserve the right for an apology however after you finding out has he once offered a sorry to you?? No he has got up and run like the coward he is. Do not think for one minute that if you leave him that your life will be over, in fact this is where your life starts. He does not deserve a caring person like you and i think you owe it to both yourself and your children to either kick him out of your house for good or to leave. Don't think for one minute that you can't build your own life, this will be the making of you. You are such a caring person and by what i can see you strive on making other people happy. Well now its time to start making yourself happy by getting rid of this loser and building a new life, for you and your kids.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 February 2010):
Relationships are about give and take. To me, this sound like you giving and him taking everything. You certainly deserve better treatment. The issue is that you're now living for him rather than yourself. you do everything for him, wait on him hand and foot, you even didn't gain weight, just for him. You're not treating yourself all that well. Though Laura1318 has a point about him being stolen away from a different point of view, you have already put enough effort in that he shouldn't have strayed in the first place. He didn't even tell you himself, you found out. And it's not just a one time thing, it's a long affair. You deserve so much better than this.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 You found out that your husband had an affair. You are naturally very angry and sad over it .This is from your perspective.
Let's look at this issue from another perspective. Your husband was stolen away from you by a female thief.
What would you do about it?
Would you say good riddance to your husband or fight to get back your husband?
If you think your husband is a no good fella, you can just let him go and deal with the aftermath .
If you think your husband is worth his salt ,then you need to plan, how to get him back on your side.
The choice is yours to make.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 February 2010):
 First, you deserve better, and second you better start treating yourself better too. You're not property. Where do you think its going to control what he does or doesn't do by waiting on him? Making sure you don't gain weight would be okay if it's for yourself, not to cater to him.
A relationship is two people who choose to be together, not I do everything so you have to be faithful. So, he works and has affairs, and you're waiting on him and taking care of the kids, where's your relationship. Something is missing here, and even if you decide to forgive and make a go of it, you'll need to be firm with yourself and any guy that you will not accept being treated the way you have been in this marriage.
...............................
|
