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anonymous
writes: My parents are arguing and fighting and now I am being bullied by my brother. He keeps bullying me and then my dad takes his side becoz he thinks he would live with him and I won't! My mother is an emotional sucker as well and she has no sympathy for me or for anyone whatsoever. I am 23 now and it has taken me years to realize that I was living in such a sick environment. There is no respect or love amongst any family members or relatives. All the males in my family and relatives hate me, including my father. I have done all sorts of thing to please them but their hatred never decreases. I am being made to feel guilty in my own family for no reason. How do I protect myself from this undeserved humiliation and misery? Help me, I need some advice as I have lost purpose in life.
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female
reader, hatered  +, writes (11 February 2011):
I can relate your problem with me.Although my problem is much more complicated,stil I can.Whatever the problem is you need to be strong to face and move ahead with your life.
Never look back.Go forward and try to maintain a distance with your family.Focus on your goals and forget everything.
TAKE CARE
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): No matter what anyone else tells you, they will NEVER,EVER change. They may fake it for a while, but they will HATE you forever. The other important thing: Absolutely no one on this earth will really believe you (except others like you).I was the youngest (most vulnerable) of six children in an alcoholic family. Except for one sibling, I experienced horrendous abuse from every single family member. I grew up and made poor choices, although when I was young, I was considered by everyone outside my family to be a good girl. My friends and employers were proud of me, and told me so. It sounded like "I love you", and was the only thing that kept me going. My good behavior was just another reason to attract more hatred. My story is long and painful. There is no point in telling the details. Everyone here has the same story, and the same pain. My scars are physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.When I was forty years old, I finally managed to force my mother to tell me the truth. I said I have to know "why"? My dear mama said to me, "Because you were the strongest, I thought you could take it. All of my other children are weak, and someone had to take it." Until that moment, I half believed that she believed all of her denials. I left without saying much and I then began to limit my time with her. She died a couple of years later. It had never been mentioned again. I also limit my time with my siblings. I have tried to be supportive thru their troubles and I get slammed all over again. Now, I'm the one who is pretending to be nice. I'm actually old and very bitter and I try to stay alive so that I can see them in their caskets.If you are over 18, run, don't walk, away, and NEVER look back. Don't waste your time trying to figure them out. They are bad. They are hate-filled. And you just happen to be there. And you are better than they are, and they know it. You are everything they cannot be. You are stronger, smarter, kinder, more attractive, better-liked by others. I am no longer those things, but they never were. And they despise me. I remember the glint in the mean eyes of my sister, the sexual harrassment from my brothers, my father getting drunk and deciding that all would be well in the family if he just killed me. I was 3 or 4 years old and needed to die so that everyone else could be happy. I now believe the pain cannot leave if we remain connected to these evil people. It's too late for me, but not for you. I am convinced that because I didn't break the ties completely, I have had a miserable life. I have a few good memories , good friends, sweet, loving boyfriends who demanded nothing of me, supportive employers. I think about those people when the pain overwhelms me. It helps.
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reader, Grim Xero  +, writes (12 February 2010):
I feel your pain. Although I have no disease, I am experiencing stress and depression at a very young age. I am 11 and I am seeing a therapist. I am an advanced learner (GT), but that puts me in harder classes which does not help at all. I am the youngest in my family. I am bullied by my brother who causes me to bleed. He hates me because he says I'm favored in the family even though my sister is really the one favored. She was born with bad eyesight, so we got her glasses, contacts, and we got her braces for her teeth. That puts us in a financial hole. I cut myself in my room and cry when no one is watching because they would only care about me if there was something wrong. They use my name once a week and my sister and brother's name daily. My family expects me to do everything just because I'm gifted and my sister says she feels intimidated by me. I ran away from home several times, and my family never notices. I write to you just to let you know, we all feel your pain and agony.
-Grim
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): When everything is going well in my house my mum and dad just start complaining, saying stuff like "Hayden will you just shut up?" When my little borther, Hayden, is singing a nice song. Today, My mum was taking hayden to the ball pit, and i asked if i could come instead of holly because she wanted to stay home with dad, and when me mum and hayden were on our way out, mum turned around and said "Could you just let Hayden in the front please to stop an argument?" She turned back aroound and i thought, i was really looking forward to sitting in the front, and then pulled a face, and as i done this my mum turned around and said something quite horrid. It was "Urghh, could you just do anything?" And she walked away to put Hayden in the back, and i said "I didn't say no, i just pulled a face becuase i was looking forward to getting in the front" but she didn't listen, she just kept on saying to Hayden "Don't be scared Hayden, we'll be there soon, away from your naughty sister who will not let you in the front." And i felt horrid, when I got in the front because she wouldn't listen mum came to the front of the car and said "If you are not out bye the tiime i get back Dad will drag you out." And she walked of again. I turned round to hayden and said, "Come on, get in the front, i'll get iin the back." And a happy look shone up onto his face. As i was helping Hayden in the back, my dad came to the car. "OUT NOW YOUNG LADY!" i didn't listnen but he opened the door and draged me out, he had hold of my hips so i could use my arms, i dug my nails into his arms and ran of. I am up here on the omputer now and wondering wether to tell you some more. I will, yesterday, Hayden, 3, Through a book at me and i couldn't breathe, my parents were kind then. Before that, me and Holly, 7, had a tiff and she ended up wacking me on the back with a very had Chinese bag.
I also have troube with my school teacher Mrs Walsh, she just doesn't seem to like me.
Thea Wilson, 11
Is your family as bad as this, or is my LIFE worse? I'm sorry if i sound like i'm boasting and it all sounds my fault but i just needed to get it out.
P.S- Holly, 7, has Dispraxia, so i think that makes it hard for us aswell.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): i can only say that you are not the only one treated like that....
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reader, there1 +, writes (22 December 2008):
one more thing to add. i have anxiety and tho i am fearless, my brains chemical imbalance is telling me to be deathly afraid of a room or a bridge. i know its ridiculous and i do what im afraid of anyway, but the imbalance becomes ingrained and i feel the feelings of fear no matter what i tell myself, cause it is chemical and i have no control over my chemistry. it's the same with people who are derogatory or judgmental or alienating or cheat or mean or violent or cruel or lie or steal or hurt or abuse or neglect or verbally abuse or undermine or try to destroy others in some way. nobody in the right frame of mind would act like that. Imagine having those ulterior motives all the time, and not having a proper chemical buffer to stop them. that is what the people who perpetuate bad behavior have to live with. They cannot help themselves. all of the behaviors sound weird, including the anxious ones. they sound weird because they are weird. they are weird because they are not true to our natures, which are being buried and inhibited by chemicals. the only difference in bad behavior disorders and anxious and "normal" people is that "normal' and anxious are the only ones who can help the bad behavior people, because the bad cannot help themselves. normal and anxious people have the advantage of aforethought, while bad do not. we have confliction, in the form of serotonin and norepinephrine, while theirs is suppressed chemically. those of us who are being abused, and who understand that abuse is wrong, must help them with research and medicine, etc. we must continue to love them unconditionally, and try not to take it personally. i understand what you are going through completely, and I just take it day by day. i wish research would figure out this most complicated dilemma.do what you can to help them, while trying to make yourself as well as possible.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008): ditto to your experiences. i really want to talk to those who are intuitive enough to understand that your families are behaving badly and have a problem. i now believe that those who act this way have a chemical imbalance that they are unaware of. I've read that this behavior is a chemical imbalance and can be helped with tiny amounts of digestive enzymes which help to absorb omega 3 essential fatty acids and also other plant based essential fatty acids. taking these fatty acid supplements and the digestive enzymes that help absord them may help. it is no coincedence that all of our loved ones possess and exhibit the same behaviors. they are probably not cognizent of their bad behavior due to the chemical imbalance. low serotonin in relation to dopamine, and low norepinephrine may be the cause. youve heard of dyslexia, which is seeing backwards. well this bad behavior is similar in the fact that their true and good motivation becomes opposite. in fact, their behavior is the opposite of anxious behavior. for instance anxious are not impulsive and people who act bad are. you may have to love them from afar, if you cant handle the abuse. ive become despondent, as well, but my love for them keeps me alive. i just want to help them, and i refuse to give up on them, because i dont think they are aware of how they are acting, kind of like what happens with dementia, alzheimer's, bipolar mania, and autism. their imbalance causes their emotions to switch to the opposite. just look at how many people possess the exact same bad behavior on this site alone, and you can see that it is no coincedence. something to think about. there are lots of people with this disorder and tho i try to deal with them, i am desperate to talk to those who arent like this. so contact me on here. i will give you my email if you want, and phone, and i will try to look on here every now and then. sry so sloppy. god bless to everyone
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): My trauma has re surfaced from my upbringing, truth is now I am a spiteful and hateful person myself. I don't want to get better, I was abandoned and homeless at 13, I just had to try to live through it, it has affected me so deeply, I have been a recluse twice and have lost my health mindedness, their is nobody in Society who understands they just judge all the time, or bully and I have had enough to be fair. I am grateful for reading some of the comments I have read here, it has been enlightening, I am 33 years old and truth be told I want to die. I have inner pain now that is so bad, I can just barely face up to things any more, I am now dysfunctional myself, I don't eat, I don't look after myself and just recently after a redundancy and the loss of a friend, I just can't cope with much more really. I see no worth in life, I am also ethnic aswell, as if that is easy in reality. I have no faith or trust left in people, despite your wonderful words, my life is just too hard. I wish I could say something to this writer, all I can say, is get out of there because the longer you stay the deeper the wounds become and also try while things are still fresh, to get some support, I didn't do that, because nobody took me seriously and there wasn't all these internet rooms, you just had four walls, I have lived hell over and over again and it does affect your deepest percepetion of life and your place in it and your sense of worth, I feel like dirt, and nobody can help that, all I can do is sink or swim, sometimes I can barely count change, my mental health is that bad. This stuff really affects people I know that much, but I also know it is not in our nature as people the FACTS of what we are, to be so perfect that we don't create problems. So, this is the way it is. You must do what is right for your health and forget the rest. Don't keep hanging on, face facts not morality, that is the mistake I made, trying to forgive, does not stop the fact that if you keep hurting somebody they are going to get ill. and if you get ill, you lose your ability to cope, put them at arms length and get out of there! I would never have said that years ago, I know all too well what damage relationships can do when you are abused constantly. Please do it for the one person who is the most neglected, yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): hi i'm gary i'm 54 years old disabeled and' when i read what has and' is happening to you it makes me wish i could help. i still remember how it was when i was a child. theworst beeting i ever got was when i was thirteen and' everytime i look in the mirror i remember that day. ofcouse it was'nt just that day it was most days. when i was a child i was told how stupid i am and' i'm still told that.i'm curently writting my life story and' when i'm finished i want to share it with the world. incase my writting is poor i have to say i have'nt quite over come dyslexia witchwas one of the cause for the abuse i took as a child and'i'm still treated very bad. i realy don't know what to say that will help you over come your troubles but i sure wish you the best. i'll say a prayer for you i hope thing get better gary
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reader, done it +, writes (20 June 2008):
You don't need it love. And it is going nowhere, the best thing you can do hun is take control of your life, I wish I had done it when I was younger, I stayed in an abusive family for too long until it affected my mental health. You need to get a bedsit or go to uni and develop some of your own skills managing a small flat on your own and making some different friends will help you loads in your life to gain some independance and to grow a bit, if you are not carful these kinds of issues just make you ill. Find something to do with your time and work out how to relocate for it. You can always go home and visit family which is far better than living with them all the time. I finally plucked up the courage to realise that I needed to stop thinking morally about it and face facts. I think if I had stayed I would have ended up killing myself, and I make no joke. Sometimes you have to realise, life is not perfect and you need to bring quality back into your life by making quality happen. It won't just go away, I tend to find things carry on and don't actually change. You need to ask yourself what is more important, your mental sanity, being a victim for the rest of your life, or getting out and taking control of your life and carving out some kind of future for yourself and some kind of education, to help you. Families are nice to visit after a certain age you may find you can appreciate your family again, but not while you are living the way you are. I hope you find your way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): hi like others im in the same boat.. i come from a christian family but still my family has always had problems of generations to generations like abuse neglate and other types! im 17 turning 18 soon i was always the one who was the black sheep i still am everything i did and am dinog seems to be the opposite of my family but everyone has there now taste and style and way of thinking which seems my family doesnt know that. ive always struggled with my parents bringing me down they say your never gonna be like your brother your nothing your a lier your shit to ous you are a failure that type of stuff and they later go off and the hard part is they find it to be good or something! and that makes me go crazy ive been ginog in and out my house for 4 years becasue i cant take it one day there nice and one they they hate everythnig about me for no reason they pick fights with me you know how it is to wake up in the morning to see your mother screaming at you verbal abuses to you calling you a hundred words and than kicking you out in the middle of the morning with no one to call just go to a friends house and sleep in front of there house becasue hes not home ive been really mad in my live these days and i ask for god for help but the thnig is that my family is christian and good ones too but all this goes agasint what they are!! they are always cursing my brother who moved out and i can ask him for help becasue like i said we struggle with issues in are whole family and my brother just does not care about me when i got arrested he helped me out than took me home wrote a letter to my family and fucked my life up for a whole month i had to sleep with my freinds in a abandon house which was a squat i feel like my parents are fake 100% of the time i know they talk crap about me all the time i just wish i had a family to go to all my family is in cuba and are all the same we are a family that hate all each other so im stock there plus i just moved to miami again and dont have anyone to go too i guess imma have to go and live a live as a teenage homeless person becasue the pain is soo hard in my family i have anger issues and im scared i might hurt myself or anyone but its there fualt i cant stand up for my self becasue my dad is a 7 foot tall body builder and well i guess live is just sonked down and i hope i can find a way out but for now my life as a homeless person will have to keep on and with no high school diploma and without my citizenship im no one here i just wish i can go some where safe some where i can go that i can be treated as a normal person like a family becasue i dont know what it is to have one im typing this right now in a library i got nuttin but my own cloths and my personal stuff but i guess one day my parents will open there eyes and see how they were to me and for a lot of people here your parents will do the same! sorry for my english if you guys ever need too talk to me...me and my freinds come by the library 2 days in a week heres my myspace www.myspace.com/chewiesgun...god bless you all
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Hi,
I was in this situation but I lost hope in everything until I had to do the worst thing had to tell them what I was thinking I was realy scared of telling them I was always in moods and always scared and always quiet.
But it worked they said Ishould of just come at first and they said they will always love you.
And your brother dont listen and he might feel this way one day and who will he have to turn to ... You
and if you want to ask me anything else or want to reply you can if you can get throw Bye xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): I am feeling hated right now. My grandma and grandpa are acting like they hate me. They think I now they love me. I don't know that. I was in my room earlier today. They always ignore me. I always tell them I love them. Looks like thats not good anough. I was crying while searching for this site. I feel so loney. The thing that bothers me is no one knows how I feel and they think they do. My last teacher did not like me;and I was a good student. I feel like I am the only one who gets in trouble. I have a dog and she doesn't comfort me when I am crying. My grandparents are downstairs in my house right now. My dad is the only person who actully acts like he loves me. I hate being treated like this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): To the most recent poster, this is a very old thread and most people won't see you post. Go report your question on the main page, using the link there. Hope this helps.
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reader, RHackett +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Hi everyone their, i;m 17 and at college right now, i have just registerd. I came to this site because i am confused about why my family appear to hold a grudge against me, well not just my family but i think it is the best place to start. They always seem to be so cold and heartless which couses me alot of pain. Recently me and my dad went to see my brother in Bournmouth who was staying with a friend, they were all acting strange around me as usual so i thought it was best to keep away from their small talk. But on the way back, my bro and dad were acting so vile. They just ganged up on me, constantly hasseling me and calling me names just because they thought i was ignoring them even though i made it clear that i didnt want to talk. All of my family are like this on some level, but most of the bullying that goes on is phycological i.e treating me differently or acting differently when i am around. Anyway, i hope you all understand that i am not just whining and am really unhappy, i cry everynight and cant stand my life at the moment. It seems that my family are the one's that know me best and can use that to their advantage when it comes to their attitude towards me. Most of all i am resentfull towards my dad, brother and sister. I am not saying that they dont love me but it seems that way sometimes. When i get the internet on my laptop i will visit this site again, untill then i'll just have to bear it. Back to my college assignments see you and peace.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): Well I'm finaly moving away from my family and getting married to my girlfriend. I have went though this verbal abuse for 27 years. My brother and mother were always abusive to me and that affected me in school a lot and caused my grades to slip so much. And once I got out of school in to the working world it did not stop there, they continued with ther abuse on eveything from my looks to my job but it the time I was paying all the bills in the house. And that's why I have been there so long because I was stuck with paying for bills and helping them out with there bills because I'm to nice. I did not get true love until I met my so to be wife, she give me all the love I did not have and then some I'm so happy now even though I still must deal with them for just 1 more month. What is crazy is my uncle before he died use to be verbaly abusive to me and my brother when we was younger so you think he would have not have grown up to do the same but he did anyway and continued the abuse on me. Well I just feel sorry for him if he has kids because he will just project his hate on to them if they do not grown in the way he sees fit. One thing I can say I learned is that I will never do that to my kids and they will get all the love they need and won't be told what to be.
I don't think I will be talking to them anymore once I leave. I will just try to erase them from my memory and start my own family.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): my family is mean its like sitting in jail my sister got mad at me to day ijust thinkmy family hate me love taylor b.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008): I have been a christian for over 13 years and all my family does is tell me that I am going to hell. I live my life like the bible says and what they say and because of this my soul (according to them) is doomed for hell. I have to believe that the lord will deliver me from the pain of their constant ridicule and rejection. I never had my biological father in my life and my mother is definitely not the definition of a good mother but I will persever with God's help. I hope that anyone that is reading it helps them to know that they are not alone. I am here and I will be praying for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): I am 12 for the past 6 years of my life i have been forced to watch my brother being phsyically abused by my dad then 2 years ago both my brother and my dad started beating me, my dad not so often but with my brother it is nearly every day. I have had a lot of troubles recently but not a single member of my family have noticed, i feel like an out cast for the past 5 days i have cried myself to sleep and in the last 2 days my mum, dad, brother, (ex)friend, grandma and grandad have made me cry. My family are always saying that i am anti social and never talk to them, and yes it is true that i spend all day in my room when i'm not at school, but that is so i can be away from my family, I just want to get away from home but i can't leave until i'm 18 which is in another 6 years.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): I have a very similar problem with my family. They don't ask me to do anything with them. The last family reunion we had, I was the only family member not invited. I am constantly avoided and teased by my sisters. When I went to New York as a kid, he never enjoyed my company unless he was mad at the hotel we stayed at. So for you I would say to avoid them and just be thankful you made it out of childhood and are finally on your own. Me however am 16 and can't leave until I'm 18.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): well your lucky its over i have a older brother and he all ways does that thing to my hand then for the rest of ythe day it hurts my mum is starting to say things and promise them then doesnt do it. and plus theres all ways people worse off then you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): I thought things would improve with my family over time - I mean that's what family is about, right? - but reading others' experiences, looks like there is not much hope.
I've almost the same tragedy... a family who despise me. They don't hate me, I guess that's too much of an effort, but they certainly don't have ANY regard for me.
It's a bit depressing. I used to care a lot for them. As the years pass on, I've become more and more indifferent too. I've to live and die alone...
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2007): i typed in the title like all the other people below me, and im really struggling through this problem now. It is very hurtful to be an outcast in your own family. My mother, father, and sister all treat me very badly and i am constantly told what a disappointment i am because i dont live up to their standards. When i stick up for myself i get screamed at in my face. Im looking forward to going to college in the future and getting away, and my friends are attempting to help me get through it. Its not right and its disgusting that people can treat their own this way, but keep reassuring yourself that its not you with the problem, and you can be the difference in the family that will be the most successful in life for being true to yourself. I don't think i will ever love my family again but i know that in my heart im a good person and im happy with myself regardless. I am blamed for everything and no one listens to me and i only have an older sister. I am always sad and depressed but theres nothing i can do but keep getting myself through each day at a time. I asked my sister tonight to be nicer to me politely and she yelled at me along with my dad that i was ruining their christmas and i was stupid etc.
but to you and everyone else thats suffering, we'll all make it out okay somehow, and we'll stop the pattern in our families someday. take it each day at a time and focus on yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): I don't know if i can be of help, but at least you know you arnt alone.
All through my childhood i was verbally abused, if i mentioned that to my parents today i would be told a liar no doubt, but as im getting older im pushing myself further and further away from them
I find them manipulative and negative about all, I know its not just me that thinks this as they havnt spoken to my fathers side of the family for 10 + years, only speak to my mother's mum on occassion, dislike my boyfriend and hardly have a social life.
As soon as I think I have trust in them and blurt out about my life issues (which are not all that bad) thinking that they wont ever hold it against me, they will use it as amunition to get back at me in later conflicts, as if to teach me life lessons. This has resulted in occasional anxiety attacks and depression.
I come from a family of 4, my brother is just the golden child, 6 years my junior and just recently joined the army, much to my fathers excitement and support. My brother is just a stiring prick that thinks he is the be all and end all, who I am starting to despise more and more..
I left home when I was 17, apparently I was a bad teenager (well little did they know I was a good girl compared to my peers)They never understand why I make so much effort with my social life and not with them. Saying this i love that quote "your friends are your family you choose for yourself"
Anyway I have got myself on my feet and moved 2500kms away to be with my man (we have been together for 3 years now) and they blame me for being distant, never visit expect me to see them and have just recently blamed my poor boyfriend for all this, they are manipulative and to me just very different.
My worry is we want to get married soon and I love my partners tight family a lot. Its sad but I don't even want my family to be apart of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): It is the hardest thing you'll ever do, but turn your back on them, walk out the door and shut it behind you. It bugs the hell out of me that I care about my brother and father so much despite the years of psychological and physical abuse and being near them cripples me emotionally. They seem to get off on the power they have over me. Moving away obviously helped but knowing they are still there waiting for an opportunity knock me down for their own entertainment makes me associate the word "family" with depression, stress, rejection and powerlessness.
The best think I did was cut off all contact.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): you should get some therapy. I learned to accept my own reality regarding my family and not theirs becuse they will deny everything. I also learned not to expet very much rom my family including and especially my mother.
good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): I came from an abusive family as well,father and stepmother used to beat me, heap verbal abuse [loved the 'nerd ' stickers they used to place on my possesions ]refused to let me contact my natural mother whom I was estranged from when I was 8 [my step mother smacked me around for trying to call her, thanks for the memories bitch ]in short, I can relate to what your going through.All I can say is the people in your family are sick,their behaviour is abnormal and indicitive that there are probably some underlying mental health issues at play here.The fact you are the target of resentment for them is probably because you are different from them in your thinking and mannerism's and judging from what you have said that's probably a good thing.My advice is to sever contact with these assholes live your life and never look back ,parasites like these never change, trust me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): I came from an abusive family as well,father and stepmother used to beat me, heap verbal abuse [loved the 'nerd ' stickers they used to place on my possesions ]refused to let me contact my natural mother whom I was estranged from when I was 8 [my step mother smacked me around for trying to call her, thanks for the memories bitch ]in short, I can relate to what your going through.All I can say is the people in your family are sick,their behaviour is abnormal and indicitive that there are probably some underlying mental health issues at ply here.The fact you are the target of resentment for them is probably because you are different from them in your thinking and mannerism's and judging from what you have said that's probably a good thing.My advice is to sever contact with these assholes live your life andnever look back ,parasites like these never change, trust me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): Im 17 years old, and I live with my dad, and see my mum and her side of the family as little as possible; it seems every time I see them they find things to bitch about, they are really malicious and two faced because I dress differently and have brightly coloured hair (which apparently is THE most appauling thing I could have thought of to annoy my family, haha)
Ive had enough, I dont talk to my mums side of the family any more and I stick to people who I know respect me and are always supportive, I think you should do the same. I know how hard it is to be bullied by people who should be the ones who protect you from bullies. I hope everything works out ok for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2007): I really do feel for you.I'm going through a similar situation myself with my own family.For some reason it's 10,000 times worse when you're being bullied by your own flesh and blood. It makes you question what's wrong with you as a person when the people that brought you INTO this world hate you.I have no hesitation in saying my family hate me. I'm a 24 year old girl and KNOW that my parents hate me - everything about me. They even try to tell me my own personal qualities are in fact my weakness, like the empathy and consideration I show other people.I try to tell myself that I'm in my 20's.. why do I care so much. But the truth is that nothing breaks my heart more. Because I'm a people person and have millions of friends, only the 2 people in the world that I really want to accept me can't even stand to be in the same room as me for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON.I'm sorry that I haven't offered you any advice, but I hope that it helps to know you're not the only one going through the same thing. My parents hate me because they have emotional problems from things undealt with in their own lives.. and it's easier to project those problems onto me.I hope that you can mentally take a step outside from where you are and see that it's probably all about your parents and their own lives.. NOTHING AT ALL to do with you.This is what a relationship counsellor told me about my family. I went to one to see if there was something I could do to improve the situation, and they turned me away saying I wasn't the one with the problem.Cheer up. I'm sure there are plenty of other people in your life that care about you. Family is overrated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): I am in the same situation, I am 24 and have to distance myself from my family to be able to heal.
The major problem we are having is that I am way more successful then my brother, and seems that the fact that I am
8 years younger but more successful bothers him.
I bothers me a lot, but I ought to stop it...it even got worse
when he moved to the same city where I live and I introduced him to my friends. He started treating my disrespectfully in front of them, and that is definitely unacceptable...They like him and I've always been proud of him...but this has to stop.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): Well buddy i feel for you the exact thing is happening right now to me except everyones a smart elic and im bullied and all that stuff and i honestly have no love at all for my brother.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2007): Families can be our biggest downfall. We can not please them. We have to realize that just because we are born to them, it is not reason to try to please them. We may want their approval but what they think is not important. They have their own personal problems that have absolutly nothing to do with us. You are an individual, with great potential. Do not let them pull you down to their level. If they make you unhappy by being around them, you must do what is the healthiest thing for you. Leave them and their problems behind. It is a hard thing to do but it is the bravest thing you will do in your life. You never know, they may even respect you for it. Highly unlikely, because they sound petty and mean. Self pity is a very great obstical to overcome. Family can make you feel sad and unworthy. I have found that many families are the same these days. Many are in the same position as you, you are not alone at all. Try hard, you can find happiness. I have been right where you are. Do not wait too long to make a happy life for yourself. Peej.. Love and Happiness to you!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): dont worry about them. yes irate you feel .but let me tell you, your not alone far from it. ive just excluded myself from my family. it took me 40 yrs to tell them how i feel at the way they have treated me. they all ignore me now .and to tell you the truth im glad because they cant upset me anymore. they think they are better than me and treated me like i was nothing and didnt belong in the family. but i feel sorry for them not me. they are the sad ones. hold your head up go forward and show em what a good life you have
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): dude i have the same problem, im 27 yeas old, im the youngest of 3 kids and the only boy. My sisters treat me like crap and my dad thinks im wrong no matter what i do. When i was 17 it got so bad i forged my dads signature and joined the army. It was the only way to escape. my mistake was that i would call or write a letter just to let them know i was still alive, but in return i would get ridiculed and talked to like i was the worst scum on earth. Since then i have graduated college, got married and i own my own biz here in south florida. The best advice i can give you is to leave as soon as you can. even if you have to sleep in your car. Second set your self up to prove them wrong. Everything they say you cant do,DO IT just to make them mad. This way you have ammo agenst them. Plus you can always say YOU DID IT ON YOUR OWN NO ONE HELPED YOU.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007): Move out, you are 23 for god's sake. When you move out you will see things from a different angel. You are now old enough to be living on your own. Hope things will get better then.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007): I have a simple answer to your question. You're 23, right? So, MOVE OUT AND STAY AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY! I'm 12 years old and sadly know your pain. My little sister is a tattle tale and gets into my private things all the time. Worse, my parent always side with her. The only person who every might side with me is my mom, but she doesn't even know about 3/4's of my life. I'll tell you this, as soon as I'm old enough, I'm gonna follow my own advice. Stay strong, my friend. Stay strong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): im 11 years old and my family hates me too my dad beats me, my mom scolds me and doesnt give a crap what i think she doesnt even care if im sick and says that im faking my sister is a total bitch and my parents are always on her side and my brother doesnt give a crap about me life sucks here i used to love my family soo much but i have just found out that they will never love me back
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): My darling this sounds like hell on earth, I really think its time you moved out, and also some counselling would help, i dont no what its like were you live but here if we see a councellor or get a social worker they can help out with accomidation Ive just helped a friend move out we have a place here called the n.c.h, it took them a month to find him a flat you have to be under 24 but they do make some acceptions in some cases and in your case it is vital you move for your own sake if you are being bullied like this get some phone numbers and get some advice . i.e the citizans advise should have the numbers of people who can help you, pleas take care and good luck i hope things get better for you
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): Hi, i also typed "my family hates me" in google and like many, found this page. I've been dealing with the same problem..i am 18 and the third out of four brothers and i think ive had more sad moments than happy moments. I have still not managed to fix this problem but i think wat i wanted to say is that u are certainly not alone...i give u my support man.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): You sound familiar...It has been two years now since you wrote this letter... what has become of you now? Has your family improved? Or are they still hateful and insecure? You are who you are and they are who they are... they can only help themselves as only you can help yourself..You have received some insites from others.. has any of this helped you? I am curious.. because I let my family take away my self worth for a very long time.. and am still working on myself.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2007): Dude,
I'm 30, and have battled for 12 years since I was 18 to come to some kind of terms with my family.
My mother was abusive, psychologically and emotionally (sometimes physically) abusive. She used to tell me every night for a few hours that I was useless and would be a loser and never achieve anything (even though I was school captain, smartest kid in school, straight As, popular, etc).
She wouldn't let me go to sleep until she had finished her rant - so that was the last thing I experienced each day for a few years.
If I brought friends over, she would disrupt what we were doing, or interrupt, or make us do work like painting the house.
I would do all the jobs each morning to get the house clean while she lay in bed talking on the phone, and made us late for school.
Nothing was EVER good enough, except when I got offered scholarships or something major to do with education.
My Dad was useless. Emotionally pathetic and weak. Never stood up to anyone in his life. Rascist, picked on minority groups who also happened to be his friends. He was great when I was 4 and 5 years old, teaching me sports. But he stopped talking to me and hanging out with me soon after that, and I grew into manhood feeling alone.
My sisters were bitches. They used to get me in trouble deliberately by playing tricks on me, then running to Mum crying. I would get belted or yelled at for "hurting or teasing my sisters".
And if I said they were lying, I would get in more trouble.
In my family, school and town, the attitude was that "girls were always good and right".
My younger brothers were weak like me and my Dad, and I had to take care of them, and try to shield them from my angry mother sometimes.
My family was fucked up, man.
Oh, and extremely religious - had to act pure and perfect in public, but at home was Hell. Using that psychological bullshit of you must never use violence (while I was getting belted), you must never steal (while my favourite stuff would disappear from my room), you must be pure and helpful and good (while my parents and sisters bullied and manipulated me into doing what they wanted - work around the house, education, covering for my sister while she went off and fucked some guys, etc).
I think that usually when things go bad at school you have someone to report to who will fix it - your principal. If something goes wrong in society, you report it to a policeman who fixes it.
But in a family, in your core biological / emotional / psychological / spiritual unit...
If things go wrong there, and the people who are bad are the people you need to report it to, what the fuck do you do?
Who can really help... REALLY ?
So...
I distanced myself when I was 17 by leaving home and choosing a university far away from home. I didn't go home on holidays at first. When I did, the same old shit resurfaced.
2 years later, I had so much agitation and hatred for everything that I dropped uni and went travelling, looking and searching for "my self".
For the first time I felt a freedom in my soul, an emotional freedom from not doing things to conform to their ideals and expectations - i could do anything I want and not have some asshole judge it, laugh at me, ridicule me, and so on.
So i got some relief and insight by doing that for 6 years.
but underneath, the family ties kept tugging.
Something in us always wants to not be alone, and we want to be back with that original core group.
I have tried many things to heal that tug and make it go away, because the people it tugs back to are not good people, and I don't wish to be with them.
Meditation, self-help, healing retreats, yoga, tai-chi, chi-kung, more travel, writing journals, talking to people, and a few other things. All of which has helped tremendously. I am massively stronger and better as a person because of it. and I've had a lot of good things happen along the way - great experiences, fell in love a few times, achieved some business things, etc.
But the sadness, guilt, shame and so on are very real, and nothing yet has given me that magic pill of making them instantly and permanently go away.
After years of keeping distance from them, not going home for Christmas, holidays or marriages, I finally tried something different.
I got back in contact with the family, and integrated myself back in as a "normal son".
By doing this, I healed a part of me that needed to feel that I was part of some family, no matter how manipulating and conniving it was.
But I still kept my wariness and inner resolve to not let them get to me. And I did things on my terms, not theirs.
They didn't like that at first - took them a few years and a bit of pain to get used to it.
I remember when I first got back in contact, and my mother immediately started her old shit of trying to manipulate me into feeling guilty and "owing her and the family" for not being there for the last xx years.
I simply said, "You can't speak to me like that" and hung up the phone. Didn't contact them again for 6 months.
Then I contact them again, same thing, hung up. No contact for 3 months.
I did similar things with both my sisters.
I had to train them not to try their manipulative shit. To set some boundaries.
It took about 4 years of training them before they have found their groove - they know that I will simply leave or hang up if they do a single thing wrong.
And I mean a single thing - one bad word towards me spoken in a hateful or spiteful tone, and I am out of there. And I won't talk to that person (and possibly a few other members as well) for about 6 months.
You have to do it like that, be so trigger-happy about it, because they need extreme training, otherwise their normal personality which is so strongly ingrained into their identity and communication style, will resurface and they will bite back at you again out of spite, simply because that is who they are.
Think of them as wild animals who don't have normal human behaviour patterns and you will have a better framework within which to approach the situation objectively, and deal with what is ACTUALLY THERE, not what you wish it would be.
I don't lose anything by doing that, by immediately cutting them out like that, but they seem to need me to be in the family as much as I was feeling that tug too, so it hurts them in the right amount. Pain is your ally, as long as it inflicts on them, not on you.
And the time you wait has to be extreme - not one week, which could be considered petty - like some jealous housewife going cold after an argument about sex or something. You have to make your point.
Anyway, My family is trained now.
So I have set up a communicative space where I can interact with my family without getting caught up in their shit.
This is not fulfilling in the slightest.
But it is better than what I had before, which was constant feelings of loneliness, that something was wrong with me from birth, that nobody would ever love me, and so on.
I'm sure you know what I mean.
I still believe nobody will ever love me - who could love a broken toy? how can you use a broken pot? I still feel something must be wrong with me for them to have treated me the way they did. At 30, when I want to get married, that kinda sucks.
So I am still working on that.
But I think maybe you might get some insight into the journey by reading my story.
I know people tell you to distance yourself, and I feel you MUST do that immediately, to get some space to figure out what is REAL.
But there is MUCH MORE to the story and the journey than just moving away from them and cutting off contact. There is a lot of psychological / emotional scars to heal, and lots of personality traits within yourself that are actually maladjusted to life - you need to retrain YOURSELF to see things for REAL, not through the eyes and behaviour patterns and standards that your bad family gave you.
That takes times, understanding, and good teachers.
Get some healthy people around you so you can compare their healthy psychology to that of your family members.
Mostly you will find that the struggle is simply to identify what is normal good healthy behaviour, and what is bad spiteful vengeful unhealthy psychopathic behaviour. It honestly WON'T be clear.
It sounds obvious on the surface, that it should be easy to spot, but if you whip a cat every day from birth, it will think that is normal behaviour, and then if you give it freedom it won't know how to judge behaviour in any other way - it will think something is wrong with itself if it is not being whipped every day.
So, figure all that shit out.
I'm still on my journey - facing that issue now of being able to accept love, that I am not broken just because a group of people - the first people I ever knew - behaved in a way that was inconsistent with the values they preached. Behaved in a way that spreads hatred in hearts, rather than love. Behaved in a way that demolishes self-esteem and basically fucks you up FOR LIFE. That shit will affect you ALL your life, will colour your perception for ever.
Unless you can somehow retrain yourself - I don't know for sure if that is possible, but you can't sit still and stay in the thought patterns, emotions and experiential framework you have now, otherwise the rest of your life will be shit.
You have to start moving down the path to healing, and experience new thought patterns, social groups, and try to reconstruct your heart and self-esteem using good experiences rather than bad.
I figure this stuff will be healed fairly quick once you get to the root of the issue - what are you REALLY feeling, and WHY? But it seems that getting to the root is difficult - where exactly is this root? It is a murky, clouded issue with lots of tendrils and tentacles leading off to different emotions, memories and experiences. Be patient, and keep going with it.
It also helps to watch Oprah when she interviews people who have had shocking upbringings - helps you identify the situation correctly, then she brings the world's best psychologists and healers in to help, so you get the world's best giving you good insights - it's not perfect, but they point you along the road to healing, get you heading in the right direction at least. Because you can spend years looking around just trying to find the right path to begin.
all the best,
Unity
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2007): OMG this is whats going on with me and Im 22 years old. Im a student at a well known university(which is not my hometown) here in north florida and I've been in this town going to school since 2003. I dont get to see my family often at all but when I do, its like my welcome is worn out by the next day. They also rarely say they love me but they're quick to say they hate me. This all stems from my brother picking on and bullying me, my mother constantly doting on things, fussing and taking up for my brother's ignorant ways, me being treated like a child, me having a label in the family, and always being blamed for something while not being allowed to defend myself. It will hurt your pride if you let it. Just dont let it hold you back and remember that although you have to put up with so much, just as long as you love yourself and if you know that you've given your all in being positive in dealing with your situation it honestly doesnt matter what the next person thinks whether its friend, family, or foe.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2007): I am fifty now and have such a similar family background. I have two sisters and three brothers, one brother died when he was 26. I envy him because he did not have to be involved with these people anymore. My oldest brother is six years older. He took the most abuse from the families criticle nature. He is the only one I want to have anything to do with. He is still the good son that tries. I have just become bitter and hateful. I still talk to my Mom when my Dad is not home. I only call her on the phone now and then. My Older sister hated me from birth. She called me down my whole life. I always thought that I was just stupid and ungly. She always told me that I had shit brown hair and that my friends never really liked me, that they just put up with me. I never really tried as hard as I could have in school. Instead i just daydreamed of wonderful things. she is just like my father. He is a bully and a control freak.. if you do not agree with their opinion they get angry and mean. They will attach and make you feel less than a mouse..I have realized far too late in life that they are people that cannot be pleased "EVER" They hate so completely. I am eaten up with guilt because I will not have anything to do with them anymore, but I do have some really good days knowing that I do not have to try and do the impossible. I have my own family and they are my whole life. I have a good job that I love. And the people I work with are like an extended family. I know that i can count on them and they are there for me if I need them. My children are still at home but are young adults. Close to the same age as you. We respect each other and our different opinions. We may still argue about different issues but never try to bully the other into submission. My children are the best thing I have ever done. They are good people with good jobs and good morals. People like them and so do I.. I am still trying to heal.. it is hard to let go of a family, but they were just in my daydreams they were never really there. I hope you find some happiness. Do not wait till you are fifty to find out that they will never be the loving family that you dream for.. Make your own family and be happy
Still Sad...
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reader, aunty t  +, writes (10 March 2007):
 God you poor thing. My heart really goes out to you.No one deserves to live like that. I think its time for you to leave. Do you have any friends you could go and stay with? They really dont deserve to have you in their lives and by you staying in this misery will just bring you further down. Make the decision and leave and i hope that everything works out for you.
Best of luck
Aunty t
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): I have had a similar experience to you and to get over it i shut myself off for a couple of weeks my family missed me and asked for me to come back. OR Try talking to your parents about it maybe they didn't know how you feelHere2Help
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2007): my family is the same excopt im only 16 and my mums dead.
My dad is one of those people who pay atention to every thing you do wrong and notting you do right.
The best thing to do is leave if they wont listen and dont like you for who you are just go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): Hey sweetie,
I read your problem, and connected immediatly. My family is the same way, I have a huge heart, and they show no love. They think I am disrepectful, lying, manipulative...where do you think I got it from? Please email me an [email address blocked] I'd love to talk to you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): Hi! I've searched on google with the subject "my family hates me". While searching I've found youre story.
Our lives are a little bit the same. My family hated me, especcialy my brother. I am 18 years old now and moved away frome home. But all the bad experiences are still following me true life. And sometimes I feel bad about myself, beceause I think that all the hate is MY faulght.
I wish you the best and take care. You are not alone
Love,
Cosmo
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2005): I understand your predicament. It's difficult to stay balanced when family members continually push your buttons. You have the classic dysfunctional family, in which all your basic psychological were needs were not met. Your life has been affected deeply by forces in your family you had no control over, growing up. Your parents did not respect each other or their children. Their unhealthy parenting style left all of you wounded, shamed, abused, and made to feel guilty for matters beyond their control. Sadly, now you are an adult survivor of that trauma. However, one good thing has come out of this. You have attained the deep wisdom, formidable strength and foresight to know this is all SO morally wrong. Dear, take all this bad stuff you've experienced and learn from the mistakes of your parents. Because down the road, you too will someday have a family of your own, and I bet my bottom dollar, your family will be healthy and happy where there will be an ability to work together; support each other and make the family a top priority for each other which will mean making time to be together. Healthy families ask and give respect. They are devoted to one another and honor each other. They know that respect is always a two-way street. They know in order to receive respect, you must first give it. Healthy families communicate and listen. Happy, healthy families respect the other person's point of view even when it differs from their own. Your joy as a parent, someday, will come from seeing your own children grow up to become caring, compassionate persons as a result of their loving, supportive family experiences.
I suggest you create a large network of close, trusted friends to support you and to keep you from crumbling when your family members tries to take you down. Seek some good counseling for assurances and help in dealing with your family problems. And while you are in counseling, ask your therapist about joining a support group to draw strength from the experiences of others in similar situations. I also strongly suggest keeping your distance from your family. Use it as a last resort, and please...don't feel guilty about it. Your own mental health should be your first priority. I wish you healing, dear...you sound like such a good person who just had the rotten luck to have a bad family. Take care of YOU, first.
I wish you the best.
Hugs,
Irish
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