A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm seeing a woman whom I feel that I want to spend the rest of my life with, the problem is, she doesnt trust me as far as she can throw me. If I contact any other women whom she isn't familiar with, she accuses me of cheating on her, and she won't let up. Even if I tell her cheating is not my intention, she still insists that I am lying and that I ought to just 'confess' and she'll forgive me...there's been a time when I confessed falsely to cheating on her when I wasn't because she was convinced I was lying and wouldn't believe anything else...I love her and I want to make this work, any advice would be greatly greatly appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, troysyaussie  +, writes (1 August 2008):
 you shouldnt have done that. telling her you cheated when you didnt to shut her up. she will never know if she can fully trust you or not and the relationship will go on like this forver. she clearly has some big insecurity issues. someone burnt her one too many times in the past and she's afraid your gonna do the same thing. don't be that guy. if you really love her you are going to have to stick by her and deal with it. make her always feel loved and special and just keep telling her the truth. over time she will learn to trust you but it will take a long time. is she worth it to you cause if you cant handle that now then you should just break it off. shes never gonna trust you till you can make her feel that she can.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (31 July 2008):
I'd just start making jokes of it so she sees how ridiculous she is being.
When she next accuses you then tell her that "yes, I took her to the ritz hotel in Paris after flying there by hot air balloon and we made love to the sound of the london symphony orchestra who were stuck in the lift nearby."
The time after that tell her that you had a threesome with the woman and her mother in a leather fetish club in san fransisco.
When she tells you that you are being stupid then calmly look her in the eye and tell her that yes you are being silly but that although you have never cheated on her she won't be happy until you confess to things you didn't do.
Either that or just tell her that you are sick of her accusations and are leaving her.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): I think the problem is that she's not familiar with the women you're contacting. To be honest with you I'm the same with my boyfriend. He's always speaking to girls that I don't know, most of these girls are stunning which makes me feel bad about myself. Like your girlfriend I think theres something going on, partly because I don't believe he'd want to be with me when theres so many gorgeous looking girls he knows, I'm not bad looking myself but girls always compare themselves to other girls. Secondly I'm paranoid because I don't know whats going on when he speaks to these girls. Everyones scared of things they don't know or understand.
I also think that trust is a main part of a relationship, I don't think it's the main part though, that would be love, if you love someone and they had a problem you should help the best you can. And it seems to me your girlfriend has the same problem as me. In my past I've been lied to and hurt and thrown away for someone else, & I wrecked my brains out tryna figure out why, no matter how much somebody says they love you or shows they love you still doesnt help the fear of being regected again.
I think the best thing you can do for her is try not to get angry with her, although she may be acting very annoying at times. Make sure she knows you love her all the time, it's hard but you've just got to have patience. And most importantly, introduce her to the women you speak to, let her familarise herself with them so she feels a bit reasured, you never know she could end up being good friends with them too. And please, please, whatever you do, make sure you come clean about lying to her about 'cheating', maybe she might realise how much pressure she's putting on you,
best of luck.
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (31 July 2008):
 Hi Anon,
Gawd, this must be driving you nuts! How frustrating for you.
It's just a thought, but why don't you try your hand at calling her bluff?
Say to her that if she's convinced herself you're cheating on her, then tell her you had better call it a day until she comes to her senses and stops feeling so insecure.
Some people are just never satisfied ~ no mater how much you try and convince them there's no cheating going on.
I know you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her, and if she feels the same and wants to make this relationship work, she's gonna have to start trusting you.
With no trust there's no future. End of.
Hope you get the results you're looking for and I wish you all the best.
BigSis
xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): You made a big mistake when you lied to this woman. That just made things worse. She's probably been hurt and lied to in the past, this makes her suspicious of all men. I don't believe in lying to people, or giving into insecurity and fears. Keep on reassuring her, tell her much you love her and want to spend your life with her. When she talks about cheating, just tell her she's the best woman in the world, and say no more. It's difficult to reassure a suspicious woman, so you shouldn't try. As long as she knows you love her and would never cheat on her, eventually your actions will prove the truth of your words.
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A
female
reader, Auntiee Amsiee +, writes (31 July 2008):
 one of the main foundations of a healthy good relationship is trust. if she's not willing to trust you then its not possible to have a healthy relationship like the one you desire. if everytime you speak to another woman makes her jealous then it is likely start going to get to you at some point driving a wedge between you both. next time she suggest's you are cheating sit her down offer her commitment in some form i'm not saying marry her but show her how big your commitment level is or invite her to accompany you to visit these women or even just telling her your going to see "so and so" so she knows where you are and are being honest most partners lie when they are being unfaithful. however if you falsely confessed to been unfaithful before she will find it harder to trust you some people believe once a cheater always a cheater do not remind her of this event but bear it in mind she herself genuinely believes you did.i think if your willing to go the distance the reward will be worth it.good luckx
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