A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a confused state of my mind regarding my girlfriend.. We were friends from college but chose different universities in different cities to stay in...so we have always been in a long distance relationship..but v hve been together for 4 years now.. However, she doesnt want to get intimate with me even nw when we r spending lots of time together (bcoz both of us hve finished our degrees and she has come back to her hometown and so have I). She is a bit of a shy person and i am exactly the opposite. SHe thinks she will be breaking her trust with her parents if she gets intimate with me. I cant understand why? I am getting increasingly frustrated because she says she loves me but she wants to maintain a distance..she says she is fine with sex after marriage and nt before it... I dont know if i shud pursue this relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThnx peeps...Obviously i Love her very much and dat is y i hve been respecting her views and hvent pressurised her for sex. Its just that i had the urge of getting intimate bcoz i think i am ready. but i can surely wait for her.I completely agree wid u all..i would rather wait for her to be comfortable..i cant let go of her....Thnx again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): Sorry but I'm on her side.
Sex after you get married is the right thing to do and also if your a chritian and you hae sex b4 you get married then you have sinned.
You should break up with her just because she dosn't want to have sex yet, it's your problem that you don't like what she is saying. She is doing what she thinks is right
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): It sounds to me like you are both adults, so make a decision. I know Indian culture can be too conservative at times. Tell her that her worth as a woman and a human being does not rest on the fact that she is a virgin. If you want to marry her anyway, marry her and then you can both be happy. If you are not sure about being with her forever, then it might be best to explain to her how important it is that you know her sexually, that you take your relationship to the right level. Sex is not a terrible thing. Make her feel loved and appreciated whatever she does, but give her the idea that having sex with you isnt about giving in, its about starting something wonderful, exciting and new - for HER too! Virginity is over rated.
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (31 July 2008):
You can love someone but NOT have sex with them. Just because you are in love, doesnt mean you have to have sex. You need to understand that because thats how your gf feels.
To her, sex is more then love, its about being making love to that one person who you will be with for the rest of your life.
You shouldnt pressure her into doing something she doesnt believe in.
If you feel that sex is a priority and you "cant" have a relationship without it, then you would be best to end the relationship because you both have different views on what you want.
If, however you love her too much to let her go, and are willing to wait, then stay with her. But only stay with her if you are not going to pressure her. If part of your feels like you have to ask for it still then dont even consider staying because that is being disrespectful to her feelings and values.
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reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 OK, first big question: if the two of you are in love and have finished your degrees and are getting settled in life, why the heck aren't you getting married? That would seem to be the obvious answer. Get that wedding band on her and BOTH your problems are solved. In four years you must have decided by now whether or not you are right for one another.
If you're not ready to take that step, then you have no choice but to respect her wishes and stop pressuring her. Sex is something that happens naturally between a couple when they are both ready for it and when they both feel comfortable sharing it. Obviously she's not ready, and since she's been so determined for so long she obviously has deeply held beliefs on the subject that are relatively unlikely to change. If you stay with her, you have to turn down the steam. If you can't do that, you'll just have to take a break and cool off.
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female
reader, Auntiee Amsiee  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 my mum was exactly like your girlfriend and my dad was like you. 4 years is a long time to be in an relationship having just re-read your question i have noticed there is not one mention of loving her, im not sugessting you don't love her but all you talk about is getting intimate. if she believes in no sex before marriage you should respect her views i do however understand your fustration. talk to her and see what she says tell her exactly how you feel it won't be easy but if you do love her then in an attempt to salvage your relationship give it a try.
goodluck
x
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female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (31 July 2008):
 She has her reasons and that is simply that. This is completely her decision and you should respect she does not have the same view as you. If you care about her and truely love her you will not try and push her. Whether you do or do not understand her reasons as to why she feels that way you should just back off and be content in the relationship you are in now or if you really do need the intimacy you need to break it off and walk away. It is up to you to size up whether she this relationship is worth keeping. Whether her personality and her mind mean more than physical pleasure. Can you not have a relationship with this woman you care about without having respect for her views even if you do not agree with them? Maybe in the future she may change her mind, but it completely has to be her own decision. A big question you will have to ask yourself is if this girl is the one for you. Because if she is, you can wait and you will have the rest of your lives to be intimate and explore. If you don't or have doubts than you are just wasting eachothers times.Best of WishesHonningKanin
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