A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm a 23 year old virgin and couple of weeks ago I meet this chick and for whatever reason she thinks I'm awesome :) anyway we've started to hop into bed and fool around but haven’t gone all the way yet. The thing is she doesn’t know I'm a virgin, she's never asked and I've never really wanted to tell her. I've never really wanted to bring up her history either because I'm afraid of what the answer mite be. I mean shes also 23 and has done a lot of traveling over the last couple of years and even stayed in Europe for a year so I know at some point she must have done something, I’m not that naive. So anyway if that’s the case if not sure I want to tell her at all, I mean I can deal with the fact that shes probably been with other guys but if that’s the case I’m not sure if I want to give her the satisfaction of being my first when I know I will not get the same. I could just lie and tell her some believable number. The problem with lying is one, I hate lying and two, if she ever starts to talk to my friends she might find out, so I doubt its a lie I could maintain for very long. So do you think I should tell her before we have sex, wait till after then tell her, not bring it up at all and just try to avoid it all together, or lie and pray she never finds out. Also if she tries to bring her past up how is the best way for me to handle it? Because honestly I'd rather just not know.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): Girls say they really do like a guy admitting he's a virgin.
Girls also say they really do like a guy to be nice and not be too sexual with her too fast.
Believe their actions, not their words.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): dont believe everything else,this is the truth, she might just laugh at you and dump you if she's cool,she will tell all her friends fo' sure,only tell her after two weeks of sleeping together so there is a little trust..here are a few sex tricks, kissing a girl all over her neck and chest repeatedly makes her hot ,thats where you want her to be, add a little finger banging,its great foreplay,also thrusting is all in the hips,practice the motion using just your hips and not the rest of you,thats how its supposed to be, dont try to wait for it to be special or some shit,because that might never happen.
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A
female
reader, Fate100percent  +, writes (21 June 2011):
How does her staying in Europe for a year mean she had sex? And why do you feel you need to tell her at all (if she hasn't asked?)You say you don't want to give her the satisfaction of being your first? Do you really think that that's all women think? If she wants to sleep with you I presume it's because she really likes you and it wouldn't matter to her if she was your 1st or 31st!If you are worried about your 'performance' with it being your 1st time, then tell her before when you are both relaxed and just chatting. If she starts to bring up her past, and you are uncomfortable with it, I would just stop her by saying, it doesn't matter, the past is the past, and the future together with each other is what concerns you.You seem embarassed about being a virgin at 23? This is nothing to be embarassed about. Neither is it something to boast about if you're not a virgin at this age. Everyone is different, and you should have sex when you meet someone you feel you are ready to have sex with (as long as it's legal obviously) it's your body. But I wouldn't lie if she asks you outright.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): You should tell her. definitely. I am kind of in a situation similar. i just started to date this guy and i found out he was a virgin. I didn't freak out or anything. If anythying it made me liking him more for being honest.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): OK thanks for your input. Firstly to Rainorfire who said anything about me being bad in the sack? I do my research and haven’t had any complaints yet, so either I'm doing something right or shes just to nice to tell me. To the first anonymous female. I abandoned all hope of meeting another virgin a long time ago, the chances of that happening is next to nothing. I'm also quite aware of the fact that shes probably had multiple partners but there’s nothing I can really do about that, I just kind of hope I'm not to far down on the list. If anything I'm a little jealous, I've always wanted to do it but various life circumstances have prevented from meeting a lot of women up until the last year, but that’s a hole other story. To the second female, um why is that something I should I be proud of? No man in any country, at any point in human history, would willingly admit to being a 23 year old virgin. I'm sure she would be happy to hear that, wish I could get the same in return, but that’s never going to happen.To Dodds, of course I'm I'm f#cking insecure about being a virgin! Why wouldn’t I be?And finally to “So Very Confused”, of curse I'm not going to tell her while we are in bed, that would just be stupid.I think what I'm going to do is just let it go until she asks about it. When she asks me about it I'll tell the truth, but until then I really don’t have any reason to volunteer information. Unless anyone has a good reason I should not?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): First of all there is nothing to be embarrassed, you just wanted it to happen with somebody you cared about and have not yet met that person. Thats fine, but yes it is rare.Yes this girl may have more experience than you but like you said she has travelled alot thus enabling her to meet more people and experience more life. If you are going to be choosy and want her to be a virgin too then that is a big ask, as I mentioned it is rare and therefore you are limiting yourself.I think as long as she is not putting it around thats all that should matter once you reach your twenties. Virgins are rare in their twenties. I think if you love this girl and she loves you why limit yourself to finding a virgin, which is going to be very difficult. Unless you go for a younger woman.Approach the subject by asking how many sexual partners did she have. Then honestly tell her that you are still a virgin. If she is decent she will respect that, but don't judge her if she was with 1 or 2 guys.Good Luck.x
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 June 2011):
 DO NOT LIE
and do not tell her while you are in bed.
I would suggest you talk to her about it... over a drink/coffee/dinner.... let her know your feelings... you may be pleasantly surprised.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): Women are attracted to experienced players, not virgins.
Their words usually say you should be honest about virginity but their actions usually say you should not. Your choice.
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A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (21 June 2011):
 You obviously seem insecure about the fact you are a virgin,and so if you do decide to tell her im pretty sure she will pick up on your insecurity and lack of confidence concerning the matter,which is not always a good thing.
So stop making a big deal out of nothing and instead focus on increasing your knowledge of how to make the foreplay and sex pleasurable for the two of you,if you dont make a big deal out of it she wont
As for not wanting to know about her sexual history when or if she happens to bring it up,well just be blunt and tell her you dont care about her past and instead want to focus on your future together,and she will respect your wishes,all the best
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): This is how i look at it... she should be honored to be the one to give u pleasure that no other person in the world has ever given you. I'd just tell her and see how it goes, if she laughs at you or runs away (i don't think this will happen) they she isn't the person u would want to give it up to anyways, and trust me it's better to find this out b4 u give it up and regret it. Best of luck my friend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): You should be proud of it not being embarrassed! I would be really happy to hear as a girl that my man is a virgin. Not bringing up her history is a really good idea and you doing need to hear it! You seem smart and I am sure you will handle it well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2011): First, the fact that you are a virgin is not bad. It is ignorant and foolish to think that having sex once completes you as a person, as a man, and as an individual in society. Because you are a man, there is strong pressure to perform well in this area. I understand that, but as you have mentioned, youve waited because you wish to be with a woman you truly care about. That is good, and also wise. It will save you heartache later.Do not lie to this girl about your experience. It will only cause you anxiety and complication. If she asks, tell her. Women are sensitive and understanding of emotional issues, and if she is a girl worth your time, she will respond in a caring manner. My suggestion is, ask yourself how important experience is to you. Do you want to be with a woman who is a virgin like you, or are you confident to learn from a woman who is not? Once you decide that, proceed with your dating life.If her past comes up, which it eventually will, do not be surprised if she has been with several men. In fact, expect it. If that is something that continues to bother you, consider dating someone who is on the same wavelength as you are.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (21 June 2011):
 you could tell her your a virgin but she probably wont believe you...or she could already know... at any rate you shouldnt be having sex with some one you cant talk to about sex... i think you should tell her this way you will atleast have an excuse for being so bad in the sack
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