A
female
age
36-40,
*ornHeart
writes:I live with my best friend in the whole world, but in the past we were a bit more than friends. I regret it now, but we've slept together many times - but it never felt like just sex, it was always really... loving. I started to fall in love with him, and felt he was feeling the same way. We are very very close, we know basically everything about each other. When I told him how I felt, he freaked out and said we just had to be friends. So, I was obviously hurt but tried to be as good a friend as I could. Then he brought another woman over -- okay, so that's not just hurtful, it's super awkward. So I tried to take it, cried myself to sleep a lot, went home for a weekend and when I came back he was really glad to see me. He kissed me and we ended up sleeping together... he knew I loved him, so I figured this was a good thing. I never saw the other woman again, and took that as a good sign too. He still said he wanted to be friends, I was hurt but took it again. I'm very very attracted to him and we've slept together a couple times since and now out of the blue he brings another girl over... I know he had feelings for me, he's my best friend and I know his heart. He always says he doesn't want a relationship with anyone (just sort of plays with people). This hurts my heart so much, he's afraid of commitment but I think he loves me. Since this new girl has been coming over, he won't even spend time with me one on one any more. When I try to talk to him he tells me to leave him alone. I'm his BEST friend (he even agrees that I am)! I'm so so hurt and don't know what to do. Please help.
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male
reader, Ashman  +, writes (31 January 2009):
I agree with Beaurosie. It sounds to me that he is possibly using you. Maybe you should arrange a date with him or just a coffee so that you to can sit down and chat about things. Explain to him that you have deep feelings for him and feel hes using you. Say to him you thought you were both bestfriends and a bestfriend would not do that and would most certainly take your feelings in to consideration. Tell him you can no longer keep these sex sessions up and you've had enough of it because its hurting you so much. If he doesn't want nothing more than to be friends then I'm afraid your going to have to let him go and go out on the pull to meet new men. I know its hard to move on and theres nothing more you want than to be with him...but at the end of the day you have to think about whats best for YOU. you can do it...time heals all :)
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (31 January 2009):
 You have been too easily accessible for him, you're only a commodity. He's charmed his way into your bed I'm afraid and your emotions have gotten in the way so that you've fallen for him. You see it as more than just friends, he sees it as sex, a release for him. He even said to you "he doesn't want a relationship with anyone (just sort of plays with people)." This includes YOU too hun.
Live your own life, let him see YOU are out of bounds to him now! He can have as many women up as he wants to now but he aint havin' you any more! (winks). You deserve far better. Take back the control and let him see just what he's missing. Remember though he WILL try to charm you again but rise above it and tell him to grow up!
There IS someone out there for you but it certainly aint him. You deserve much better.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, TornHeart +, writes (31 January 2009):
TornHeart is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks, I do believe God has someone great for me. It just hurts so much because he's my roommate and I have to watch him be with other women & THE WORST part is that he won't even talk to me lately. I'd just like my best friend back.
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A
female
reader, Beaurosie  +, writes (31 January 2009):
It sounds to me that you are his 'doormat' .. wake up and smell the rosies girl!! ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.. Think lodgically about his ACTIONS.. write down his ACTONS. read them out aloud to yourself.. NOW do you SEE the reality. He is clearly just using you. Now you have got the message,, please remember and believe this is NOT WHO YOU ARE.. you are a worthwhile loving person who deserves MUCH MORE in life. Begin by realizing what a lovely person you are and how much more you deserve from another person the same as your self, get right out of this relationship and begin finding that person that you totally deserve to have. A really important thing to learn is sex is NOT LOVE.. love comes first and then a couple celebrate this with the sexual act. Look in the mirror and tell yourself how much you love you.. you will find that special person out there because God wants that for you as he does for all of us. Every day is a new day and a new chance of happiness and a new love.
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