A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I confused. my bf and I have been together for 7 years and for the last year or so hes been gettin soft during oral and vaginal sex.now its not every time but happens now and again and I don't complain or say anything. a day ago we got into an arguement and words were said, he made comments about me and I made one back, and in this comment he said that he doesn't have the problem with other girls,yeah he has cheated before, so is he just not interested anymore i don't know, he says I turn him on etc but when he made that statement it made me wonder so please help, cuz im at point now where I don't wanna touch him anymore becuz if he can't stay completely up for me but for another what's the use
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 It could be too much sex or too much stress in his work life
or he could be suffering from ED.
Maybe he was referring to those events that happened in the past.
You would need more proof that he is cheating on you.It could be a miscommunication.
A
male
reader, Ares  +, writes (22 April 2008):
Anon, After reading your problem and the many and varied responses from the ladies (some of which require some more brain power and less emotion to be placed into them), I would agree with A Cappella, in that this could be the signs and symptoms of a more insidious ailment. I would suggest that he consult a doctor asap to ensure that he is not suffering from another ailment.
As to the cheating, porn, masturbation, issues raised in the replies:
a. does it matter to you personally if watches porn? If so then discuss this with him.
b. all men masturbate, even married ones (99% of men masturbate, and 1% sing. Ask your other half what song it is and then you will know what category he falls into). At least he is cheating on you with himself (hopefully thinking of you).
c. You have forgiven him obviously for his past indiscretion's, so if that is the case leave it in the past. Dragging it up every time you argue is counter productive and opens old wounds. If this is a problem for you both, get help or get out.
Hope you both can work things out.
Vaya con Dios
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A
female
reader, emily.christina  +, writes (22 April 2008):
My boyfriend is only 21 and even he has this problem (The soft erections). It doesn't happen to him every time, but every once in a while. I know he doesn't cheat (mainly since I'm with him all the time, lol) but it still happens so I wouldn't be too worried about it. Also, if your boyfriend is around your age or a little older then it may just be natural. As men get older many of them lose the ability to have a hard erection any time any place... And as for what he said, it probably just slipped out or he was getting defensive. If you've stayed with him for 7 years so far then it must be something special or it wouldn't have lasted this long, so he must be doing something right! lol
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (21 April 2008):
 It could be he is deflecting the shame and embarrassment towards you and it just slipped out. Much easier to have said what he said than to say "I don't know what is the matter with me. I guess it's too much porn." It doesn't mean he is currently cheating. Talk to him.
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A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (21 April 2008):
 Ask him to see a doctor. Not being able to keep an erection at such a young age could mean any number of illnesses, including diabetes and high blood pressure. It may have nothing at all to do with you.
He may be saying that he doesn't have this problem with other women just to get the focus off of him. I'm sure being soft is hard on his ego. (I'm not saying this means it's okay for him to say what he said, only that it might explain it.)
Get his ass into a doctor. Wait until you get those results before you decide anything else.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (21 April 2008):
 Yes it wasn't a nice comment, but maybe said on the spur of the moment without thinking and without any basis or reality in what he said. There may be something else worrying him. Or he might be masturbating a lot - which, if he has you, is still a problem but not half so bad as cheating on you with some other woman.
Talk to him about it. See if you can get to the bottom of what the problem really is. Above all, try to avoid accusing him of ANYTHING until you are sure. If he is the same age as you (30-35??) or a little older, he's quite probably at the point where many men begin to question what they are doing and where they are going (same job, not going anywhere? same two weeks holiday each year to the same place? same worries about money and debts?). Assuming you love him and want him, see if you can put a bit of spice back into your lives - and I'm not necessarily just talking about sex! After seven years with him, you don't want to break up the relationship unless you really have to and unless you feel the same -it's quite likely to be something you can work through and get over, and that may still be the case even if he has cheated, but either way YOU HAVE KNOW.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, jenxlovesxyou +, writes (21 April 2008):
 sweetheart,,
you said he has cheated before..well do you know if he stays in contact with the gurl he cheated on you with? if he does maybe he is still seeing her..but i wouldnt be to worried about the cheating...but when he says he turns you on how exactly does he say it..like of course you turn me on and does he say it in a sweet i love you alot voice or does he say it in a i dont care im not really paying attention voice..the voice is the key to telling what a boy means..but i would just act calm for a little and try to figure out any more signs or cheating...let me know how that goes and i can probably get something from it and find out for you
im here for you good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2008): He said it in the present tense?? If so, either he is still cheating or he wants you to think he is. No reason to say such a thing otherwise. Either way...
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A
female
reader, sadeyes +, writes (21 April 2008):
I personally wouldn't stand for anyone making a comment like that to me,it is disrespectful apart from anything.You have been with this guy for that length of time,yet he can make a cutting comment like that.
I would be seriously asking myself how much i mean to him if he can hurt you like that
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