A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This story is very long and complicated, but im going try keeping it short. When i was 14 years old, my BEST FRIEND'S(family friend) sister Z, who is 2 years younger to me, started falling for me. Me being so young and naive knew it but didnt give it much attention. Ever since, we always flirted, had sexual tension, but it never really sparked....mainly because i didnt do anything about it...which i now regret. There was even a time 3 years ago, when i was 16 that we finally had a moment during a party at her place. After that, I was so clueless about what comes next ...we texted and it seemed to appear that we were going to commit to each other and give it a shot. But that very day, i was distracted by her friend who started texting me ...we kept chatting and chatting ...and then Z found out. Everything stopped, i told her that i am not ready to commit to her and that i really love her but as a friend only. Later i fell for Z's friend, i was in a relationship with her for a while but it ended badly, which Z warned me about. Z and i started to drift apart, even our friendship. There was a time we used to chat constantly, but none of that now. I was getting busier with academics and we lost contact....and this is how it has been since the past 2-3 years. Her brother is still my BEST friend ever, and that wont change. But our relationship has drastically changed.She also fell in love with another guy now, they have been doing long distance for about 2 years, which was also another reason why we wouldnt open up with each other that way....When i turned 18 i left for university to Toronto with her brother as well. To be honest, i really regret my past, there was a part of me that always loved her, but i was young and stupid to realize that. I dont think about her constantly or anything, but when i do, it all hits me. Sometimes she is also in my dreams. Idk what it is, I miss her...but i guess karma came for me ...all i have is hope that deep down she still has a thing for me...i get sad when i think about it .....any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): I disagree with the anon poster. Missed opportunities is part of life and it's something we all deal with.
Maybe anon is okay fucking over another guy to get what he wants, and even fucking over the girl you like by toying with her feelings while she's vulnerable this way (LDR's can be very lonely), and maybe he even doesn't care what your best friend would think of you toying with his sister that way either, but you should, OP. Because getting your dick wet or selfishly messing up her life because you didn't take your chance in the past is just not worth it.
Plus if you were successful you'd end up with a girl who doesn't mind cheating to get what she wants or leaving one guy for another, so you couldn't trust her either.
OP this feeling will fade. You seem convinced you made bad choices but you didn't. You protected your friendship and no matter how much you feel he would have been okay with it, chances are you would have lost him as a best friend. Especially if things went wrong. Your choices back then have led you to where you are now, a pretty good place with your friendship intact and it also allowed you to experience a bad relationship, which right now might seem shit but I've had many and they've been very valuable experiences for which I'm grateful.
OP you just have to learn the only time people look back on the past with regret is when they have boring present or can't see the future. When you translate that into missing a woman or feeling you missed out on getting her it just means you should get out there and start dating. OP you're idealising the concept of being with her, not the reality. For all you know she could be a nightmare to date, she can be the nicest girl in the world but still be a nightmare to be with.
She's with a guy two years now, it may be LDR but that's two years of time, effort and love. You missed the boat and now it's time to catch another. You can either sit there and dream of what could have been or you can go find someone who is available to you. Op she's moved on and instead of moving on you've just decided to hang onto the idea of her, the fact she's your best friends sister makes that even tougher because she comes up in conversation so often. But you're in Toronto and in college, you're awash with options when it comes to women so get out there and date, and have fun.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): I know she is seeing someone else, what the hell, you love her and want to ask her out, go ahead. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you don't pluck up the courage to ask her out now, you spend the next couple of years wishing you had and wondering what would have happened. Worst case she can tell you no - I am sure your ego can deal with it, lots of guys and girls have been told no but move on, at least you would have tried. Goodluck.
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