A
female
age
36-40,
*ugrad09
writes:So I met a guy at work who is married and I am married as well and we had a discussion one day about hooking up. I am away for 8 weeks on business and don't have to worry about my man catching me as much as his wife would catch him. We hooked up and man, it was incredible. The shitty thing is I am hooked. I have done this before with men but it was all fun and no strings. This is how it was to be with this man but he has got me so crazy about him. W e click and we like each other but my thing is... I don't want to lose him. I have 4 weeks left on business and I want them to be wonderful fun weeks but I don't want to push him away or do anything to jeoprodize what we have going. I don't want to be the girl who is clingy. So my question is this... how do I make him want me and hook up with me but all the way staying cool and not bringing any drama to his life? I don't want to mess this up. Help please.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): Your poor husband.
Tell your husband what you have been doing so he can divorce you and get on with his life and maybe find a nice honest girl that will keep her pants on and her legs closed.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 April 2011):
Get a divorce.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): What is the point of being married then? Just the thrill of being married and not getting caught? Doesnt it make you just a little sad that you are betraying your husband in such a way? He is a person, a real breathing living human being that is putting much trust and faith in you, and probably hoping like hell you dont hurt him..or should I say trusting in you not to hurt him.If you have an open relationship/marriage, or this is a fetish thing between you and your husband, then that would be a different story. What can I say? You'll likely not comprehend the magnitude of your actions unless something comes back around to directly hurt you, as you seem only preoccupied with your feelings, and your wants, and your desires and so on. -how do I make him want me and hook up with me-I don't want to mess this up. Help please. Why? Are you planning on leaving your husband for him? Otherwise, what would be the point? Just to do it?
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 You don't want DRAMA???
You are DRAMA !!!!
How about this DRAMA
You go home and you can't get in the shower because your husband is @#$% this guys wife in the shower.
If you can hop in without a care, get a divorce.
If you can't stand the thought, know what you really can't stand is you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): I couldn't have said it any better than "you wish" said it above. She is much more polite than I am.
It's a shame that your poor husband is married to a tramp that cares much more for some guy at the office, than him. Your husband doesn't deserve you, and you don't deservve any one. Girls like you should stay single, and hang out in pick-up bars so at 1am some half-cut drunk can use you for what you are... a sperm receptacle. I know why you got married as well. So you could have someone to pay the bills, and fill in the gaps between screwing whoever you like, whenever you like. You deserve to be with the office boy, as he has as little respect for you as he does for his wife. You're two of a kind...a sleazy pair of lying weasels. And if you can stay with him until both your marriages implode, at least you can look forward to wondering who he is screwing behind your back...and he can wonder the same about you...it's called Karma. Harvey G.
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A
female
reader, livelaughlove23 +, writes (12 April 2011):
I literally, LOL, sorry :) The answer to your question is.......don't be clingy. You will know if your being clingy. Don't chase him, let him chase you. Let him know how much you enjoy the time spent with him and let him know that you would like to make the most out of the time you have left on your business trip. Put the ball in his court. There's only drama if you make drama. Do not bring up his wife and do not bring up your husband up in any conversation....it's just YOU and HIM. If you bring up your husband, that will push him away. Imagine, if he brought up his wife, in general conversation.
By the way-what you're doing is wrong--and you know this. What goes around comes around....so don't be surprised if your husband ends up cheating on you! just saying.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 April 2011):
 You don't want to mess up what, exactly? The affair? Your thoughts are on how to not cling to him?
Seriously, why aren't any of your thoughts on your husband right now, other than not wanting him to catch you? You just cheated on him! What if he were to have done that to you? How would you feel if someone could just toss you aside with as much thought as you tossed your husband aside? You can't justify or compartmentalize your life into thinking that this has nothing to do with him. I really hope you have no kids to someday hear about this.
This can only end in pain. You say you don't want drama? Then don't do this. If you and your husband have problems, you either devote all of your time and romantic energy to your husband, or you leave him. You don't cheat on him.
You say you've done this before with no strings? Is this while you're married? Why are you even married if you want to live the life of a single lady with all of the freedom and none of the responsibility? If you want to be single, then be single! Don't hurt your husband anymore. What he doesn't know WILL hurt him, and believe me, he will find out about it. It always happens in the end.
As for this guy - lose him? You never had him in the first place. He is using you as you are using him, and now that things are getting all messy with your feelings, you're going to be the one devastated when you find out that his feelings don't match yours.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Why are you married? Saying that you don't have to worry about your man catching you tells me it is not an open relationship. I think you should leave your husband then you can ride the hobby horse with who you want.
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