A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have started to develop feelings for a friend. This wouldnt seem so bad except i am a gay woman and she is 'straight' and has.a boyfriend. I explained to her soon into our friendship, after a few too many drinks thay i liked her and wanted to kiss her...she said no because she has a boyfriend. Yet the following week she took my hand under the table on a night out, then when we were alone we ended up spending the whole night kissing. This has since happened on 3 other occasions, yet the next day she says she is sorry and shouldnt have let it happen. We text at least 10 times a day and i feel so connected to her. The relationship with the.boyfiend seems loveless and boring. I wonder if it is her catholic upbringing/family holding her back. We havnt really spoken propperly whilst sober, although.i.know she.knows.how.i feel. She is leaving our workplace in a few weeks, and i feel we may drift apart anyway. Is it worth one last guesture, maybe in the form.of a letter to express my true feelings?
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (5 July 2012):
 I guess I have a different perspective on life than others. I think if you don't take risks, you don't get anywhere in life. You don't have answers to questions that you need. I think you can write her a letter and tell her you would like to remain in contact. I do not think you have to profess your undying love for her. Tell her you would like to remain in contact and ask if she would like to meet up with you sometimes after she moves. If she says "yes"...you can see where this might progress. If she says "no"...you have your answer. If you want to write her a letter telling her about the depth of your feelings, yes, you risk the friendship, but you also risk not pursuing someone you care about. A girlfriend of mine told me the same thing when I was in college. I told her that I cared about her as a friend and I was sorry I did not feel the same way. It didn't ruin our friendship. It doesn't necessarily have to ruin a friendship. If your friend is open-minded and a considerate person, she will handle this in an open-minded and considerate way. Know what I mean? I also think it takes two people to kiss, so to say the kissing should never have happened is kind of pointless. I don't think you can really pressure someone else to kiss you. It just happens. So, I think you should do what you need to do. I would definitely want to stay in contact with her and you need to express that to her before she leaves. I know others would disagree with me, but you will always regret letting someone good slip through your fingers, so don't let her slip through your fingers. At least stay in contact with her. If nothing develops, nothing develops, but you will know for sure where your relationship with her stands.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2012): If you send her a letter, you risk alienating her and ruining the friendship you have.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 July 2012):
 She may be a closet lesbian, but she is still in a relationship with someone. My opinion is that the letter should not be written, and the kissing should have never taken place.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (5 July 2012):
You could send her a letter...it would not hurt. She must like you if she's kissed you and texts you all the time. She could just be confused about her feelings. I would at least tell her that you have enjoyed spending time with her and texting her and that you would like to see more of her.
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