A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello :)Ok, so I'm just looking for some general advice please.Iv had one serious relationship in the past, which was emotionally and physically abusive. After 3 years I got my self out and although I am not the person I was previously, I feel strong enough and over it. So me and this guy- we've liked each other for a while. Started out as friends, grew closer. He knows a little bit of my past. He knows I've been hurt. He finally asked me out about a month ago. So, here's where I need advice. As my last relationship has affected me I am unsure of how to behave.In the past month we've seen each other about once a week. When we bump into each other in town he will stop for a quick chat, kiss me and carry on. Then I won't hear for him for a few days. I'm trying not to rush things but it is really hard to not want to see him more often, or to wish that when he bumps into me outside he'd stay with me for a little while. Is it reasonable after a month to ask him where I stand?..... Or is it too soon?.... I just really don't want to get hurt again! I guess my question is- what's normal after a month of "dating" and getting to know someone- as in more closely than before. When i met my ex I was 17, he was 34 and within a month he'd pressured me to move in with him and around this time hed starting controlling small things in my life. So yeah, whilst everything with this guy is much better, I can't help feeling a little confused and maybe like he's not that into me as I spent literally every waking hour with my ex. Advice please :)
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 July 2012):
 I think it's too soon. And please wait with the sex til you two ARE exclusive.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2012): Too soon. Wait a bit and see how things develop. Don't seem needy and desperate. Make it clear you like him and want to spend time with him but don't ask where you stand because, at this moment in time, it is nowhere. And DON'T talk about your ex, a real turn off for someone who is interested in your.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 July 2012):
 Maybe I'm old-fashioned or just belong to a different culture, but if I were a woman I wouldn't let a man kiss me and chat me up unless he were at least entertaining the idea of something serious with me. What I see here is a guy who has no commitment and, in my opinion, no real interest. I wouldn't describe this as dating, but merely as meeting up.
I feel that, if this man were really interested, he would make an effort to see or at least be in touch with the poster more often than once a week. And he would show more interest.
The situation described here sounds like someone buying a camera. "Yep, it feels good in my hands... nice capacity... good zoom..." I'm sure you get the picture. Nothing suggests that he isn't seeing someone else. Or that he would go any further. What's more, he could even not meet the poster once a week or anything.
Obviously the poster wants more than she has. So I would say that, yes, she has a right to ask what the young man has in mind. Or, at least, what he is doing, from his perspective.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (5 July 2012):
 Yes it is too soon.
Keep it nice and flowing and remain open minded. You are still getting to know what makes him tick.
It is way tooooo early to think about asking him where you stand.
Reel him in slowly if he is really important to you.
Watch how nicely he treats you, treats his friends, and how he treats your family.
Notice how kind and considerate he is.
It is OK to give him a well deserved compliment from time to time, as you get to know him.
He is not yet really INTO you and by seeing you only once a week her may be trying to push you towards a FWB - do not take that.
Move on if he tries to make it a FWB.
If he is serious about you then he will want to see you more often, before yoyu even ask.
if he wants to keep you in a holding pattern as Miss once a week visit moving towards a FWB, then you should move on. if he does that he is wasting your time.
But if he steps up to twice a week and then maybe more - then that shows great promise then yes, he is likely to revesal his feelings more.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (5 July 2012):
hi, I have been through disastrous relationships and I know what it is to be wary and even dreading meeting new people. I would ask him. I have done it myself in the past and there is nothing wrong with being direct, in fact it is a good thing in a relationship. good luck x
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