A
female
age
41-50,
*ink
writes:I have been in a relationship for 6 years know, My boyfriend moved in 10 months ago and from the start of the relationship he has had no interest whatsoever in sex, He mentioned he had a breakdown when he was 23 I am wondering if this had anything to do with it,he wont talk about things, he had also not slept with anyone until me. My problem is that I am buying an apartment and he is presuming he is moving in with me, I do not know wheather this is a good idea with the current problem. I really do not know what to do and need advice.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 August 2007):
 I am with Rythmandblues. Not having sex with you indicates how he feels in the relationship.
I think you should be very direct with him about not moving in with him when you get a new apartment. If I were living with someone, I would also presume I'd be moving with her. So, don't expect him to sort of "understand" this on his own. You need to be very, very direct and frank.
Not moving with him is kinda like the end of the relationship. But, so be it.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 August 2007):
 Women are born caregivers - it is very easy to fall into the trap of trying to fix someone who needs help. It sounds like he is a very needy individual and if you are not getting along with each other right now the situation is not going to improve when you move. You are not lovers right now and he is not seeking you out for sex - but he seems to want you to take care of him. I think he has more problems than you can fix. You are only responsible for yourself. You are not married to this man, and even though you have a history with him, you are not his keeper. If you move into the next apartment together, you probably stand the chance of becoming his keeper. I noticed that you never in your letter how you felt about him, or if you still loved him. You did not bring it up, and I suspect that this is very telling of itself. It sounds like this relationship has run its course and that it is time for you to move on with your own life. You need to think about how to tell him goodbye. I am basing this on what you have written and I hope that my opinion isn't too blunt or unfeeling, but I think that it would be best for you to move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): I for one am not keen on living together before marriage, if you are serious about ever getting married, then do not live with your partner until you are engaged and the wedding date is set. You lose your sense of identity in a living together relationship that is not fully commited.
As for your lack of sex with your boyfriend, that does not sound very good to me, and I would break up with someone that I had out grown after 6 long years....not having sex with you indicates how he feels about the relationship and possibly you, it sounds to me like the two of you are roommates, not lovers and friends.
Your decision, but I would move on from this guy and this living together arrangement.
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