A
female
age
,
*ovesmenot
writes:Does my partner of 20 years hate me; or could it be some kind of obsessive game. For the past 5 years, he has ignored me. He acts like I am not there at all. However, if one of his many friends come around, he is all chatty and happy. We have been though some things that caused major issues (I had affair); but we choose to stay together. Now we constantly argue and fight.All I want is mutual love, respect, appreciation, understanding and to feel connected again. He seemingly wants nothing to do with me. He acts like he is single. Never wants me near him. will start a fight even when I am pleasent, so I will go cry in my room. Does he hate me or is he getting back at me for the past? It is so unhealthy. I am so sad most of the time. Any insight would be appreciated.Thanks, lovesmenot
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female
reader, coventry  +, writes (14 February 2009):
hey
he has not got over u having an affair..he is hurt and he can't forgive u...it is the most hardest thing when u have strayed. .how did he get to know about your affair x
A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (4 August 2007):
 I was with a woman and could not get over that she cheated on me. It was a big blow to my ego. I now know that if I am with a woman and she decides to cheat on me, which would be her issue, not mine, then I would not be able to be with her. That's who I am. It sounds like to me that your partner has not gotten over it, if I were him, I could not either. In my situation , we parted ways, 3 months later she still wanted to be my friend, but everytime I spoke to her it hurt my heart immensely. In order for my world to be right, I knew I had to ask her never to contact me again. I also told her if she did I would not respond. It sounds harsh, but that's who I am. What you are going to have to do is take matters into your own hands. Confront your partner, if you love him and want to be with him, tell him. If he doesn't honestly think he can get over this, then you will need to get away. You shouldn't tolerate being treated like crap even if you did cheat. Life is too short to be unhappy. If YOU are not HONESTLY done being intimate with other people, then you need to have a heart and get away. Decide what you want and do it, you are only in control of yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): The only insight I have with this brief description is that you seem to be in a loveless marriage, and your husband is going through the motions and putting on appearances to the outside world, my guess is there are children involved.
What I don't understand is why you have let this go on for 5 long years, there is a huge gulf here between you and your husband, and it may be the affair in the past that he has not forgiven you for.....men often don't ever forgive but the do forget....where we women forgive and never forget....
I think you need to sit down and openly discuss with your partner how you are feeling today, say those words above about what you want from him, and insist he go see a marriage counselor or therapist with you, so that you can begin to rebuild your relationship....if there is a shred of love there and a desire to make the marriage last even for the sake of the kids, there is still hope.
But the worst thing is that you do nothing and settle for this unhappy life with your husband.
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