| A
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've always felt "less than". I've never liked the way i like even though i've gotten complements plenty of times. The past two years, my self esteem has hit rock bottom. I got involved with a guy i shouldn't have and it didn't end well, well it's sort of still going on. He used me for sex, he knew i liked him but didn't seem to care. He's got a girlfriend now yet still wants to sleep with me. He talks to me if i'm online and asks what i've been up to but when i reply he'll either just say a one word answer or just not bother replying at all. I don't know if it's because i'm just that boring and not worth talking to or he just wants to hurt me. He does it a lot and as times gone on i've come to believe that i'm right and that i must be a pointless person if i'm not even good enough for a reply,Do you think some people are just pointless and not meant to be cared about?
View related questions:
self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (4 April 2011):
 Oh heck! You are doing yourself a real disservice by continuing to permit this man to have sex with you - even if you're refusing him, he still is selfish and manipulative, is cheating on his current gf, and treating you very badly.By allowing him to be in your life, you are not helping your sense of self-esteem or respect, not in the least. You can't let HIM define who you are as a person, you know!Think of this: you are a valuable, unique human being just by virtue of the fact that you exist! Nobody else in the world can make quite the contribution to life that YOU can. (Similar, yes, but each of us is a distinct woman or man with our own particular qualities).Don't you have parents and friends who love you? You say you have been complimented before, that should tell you something.
A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (4 April 2011):
 I think you know the answer to the question you posed. The real question is why you are making this guy the arbiter of whether you are a good person or not. To paraphrase the singer Sara Bareilles: Who died and made him king of everything?
It is not that you are unworthy that he did this to you. But likely he saw you as vulnerable and a target. Predators, in both the animal and human kingdoms, always look for those who they feel they can exploit without fearing repercussions. Often it is the lonely, those lacking substantial emotional or financial support, the old, the scared, or those who lack belief in themselves.
So rather than ask whether you are pointless and not made to be cared about, I think you should ask what allowed you to fall prey to such a user as this man? Why do you think you let me use you? And why do you not deserve the love of a truly caring man?
Because you do.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): You shouldn't be evaluating your own self worth based on this man's opinion of you! Just because he doesn't seem to care too much about you does not mean that you're worth nothing. Do not put your life so carelessly and completely in control of other people. If he adored and worshipped you, would that increase your sense of self-worth? Why??? Why not??? What is so god-like about this guy that his opinion of you or adoration of you determines whether or not other people will care about??Stop trying to win his affection and good opinion and respect and instead turn your attentions to yourself. Look in the mirror and ask yourself what you're good at, what you like about the way you look, what you want from life, how you can solve any existing problems you have in life etc etc. No amount of love from this man can fix the way you feel. Get ahead and improve your career prospects, widen your circle of friends, accept all invitations of a social kind enthusiastically and start seeing the positive things in your life for what they are. Start making more things in your life to care about. Meet new people and go new places. Soon you'll discover so much about yourself that you love and will discover other people that love you too and you'll forget all about this guy!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Hello! I am sorry you're experiencing these feelings. I DO NOT think that some people are pointless and not meant to be cared about. You were made in the image and likeness of GOD which makes you wonderfully loved and lovable!!I do believe that some people are just not capable of seeing the value in others. Therefore, you want to start with knowing and loving your value and worth. My mom used to say "Men will only do to you what you allow them to do." Don't get me wrong. I understand what it's like to really like someone and want that person to like you back. I get it. But at the end of the day, if YOU don't see your self-value and worth, no one else will. This will leave the door open for others, like this guy, to treat you accordingly. You are more than just a "sideline" chick. He's treating you like that and you should make up your mind that that treatment stops here and now.It's time to stop reaching for people who are not reaching back.Good luck to you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): Hello! I am sorry you're experiencing these feelings. I DO NOT think that some people are pointless and not meant to be cared about. You were made in the image and likeness of GOD which makes you wonderfully loved and lovable!!I do believe that some people are just not capable of seeing the value in others. Therefore, you want to start with knowing and loving your value and worth. My mom used to say "Men will only do to you what you allow them to do." Don't get me wrong. I understand what it's like to really like someone and want that person to like you back. I get it. But at the end of the day, if YOU don't see your self-value and worth, no one else will. This will leave the door open for others, like this guy, to treat you accordingly. You are more than just a "sideline" chick. He's treating you like that and you should make up your mind that that treatment stops here and now.It's time to stop reaching for people who are not reaching back.Good luck to you.
...............................
|
