A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Just to recap this is the question i asked and got answers for:Tell me something, if a man breaks up with someone, decides to move on, finds a new girlfriend and they are both happy, and then suddenly the ex says that she is pregnant with his child does he have to leave this new love and go back to the other because he wants the child to grow up with a mom and dad? Even if he is head over heels in love with his new girl? What about the new woman in his life, how does she begin to live again if she has been dumped?Does anyone even think of the heartbreak that the new woman who has now been dumped has to go through and that it may destroy her? what can be done that will be good for all parties involved instead of applauding the man for doing the right thing and thats that?So my follow up question is:This was asked from personal experience and this man said he loved me too but wanted to give the relationship with baby momma a chance. Dont i deserve a chance too? what about me? Couldnt he have chosen me and want to be with me?everyone commends him for being a real man but what about me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): I hear in the way your question is stated that you feel like society or general principle here is what is against you, and if it weren't for all of these societal norms and values and such, that your man would have made a different choice and stayed with you because you deserve it.
Those are the wrong questions to be asking and I will try to explain....You are very hurt right now, and you are as mad as hell, and you are blaming the universe or the general thinking on this subject as the cause for the breakup between you and your boyfriend...but these are the constructs that your relationship exists in, they do not dictate the outcome, however, the two of you do.
He has made a choice to go back to his ex for whatever reason; it is his decision to make and does not have anything really to do with you or the universe. He has based his decision on his own internal values, his own internal compass for fair play, and possibly his own heart, he may actually still love her too.
If you are going to be angry, be angry at him for dumping you, get so mad that you decide to move on with your life and not let him back into your heart to hurt you again, he made his choice, he made the baby out of wedlock and he is trying to make his mistake, right....you can't change this for him and you can't wallow in self pity at how unfair the whole thing is....Life is not fair, people disappoint us all of the time, you have to be like a cat who if he trys to sit on the lap of one person and doesn't get petted, he moves on to another lap and purrs contentedly when he is loved and adored.....find another lap, you deserve to be petted and loved....don't waste one more second agonizing over this if you can help it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2007): If the real reason he goes back to her is the baby - they'll all pay for that mistake. You can be part of a childs life without marriage.
Baby Momma is cheating herself out of being truly valued, loved and appreciated and will never be able to trust him (didn't she 'blackmail' back into the relationship?), He'll be skulking around trying to have his cake and eat it too (setting a 'fine' example for the kid) and the 'other' women in his life will be waiting forever for him to be a real man and be honest with everyone in his life including his balless self. Lose this sucker. There's one born every minute - don't make it two.
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A
female
reader, Beckto  +, writes (15 June 2007):
 Same answers apply from your last question. It's not about you, it's about the child.
Just be a bigger person, let him do what he feels is the right thing to do, respect that, and move on. Do your best to get past the hurt.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Sarah  +, writes (15 June 2007):
 You are hurting right now, and understandibly so. I once went out with a married man for a year. He was going to leave her, then found out she was 5 months pregnant. He choose to say with her, whilst he said he loved me more than her. It took me time and a great deal of self discipline to get over him, as he would often text me. I realised he wanted his cake and eat it. I am worth more than that. My advice to you would be to move on. You will love again, and the next time you do it will be with someone who deserves you. You are worth so much more, the pain will fade away. Busy yourself and pamper yourself to help you through it.
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A
female
reader, Skeez +, writes (15 June 2007):
 I understnd how upset you are feeling. But there are two parties to this. Your boyfriend has a child of his own now. He has to take care of it. And spend soem time alone with his son/daughter. Now I dont know the reason why he broke up with his ex, but if it was becuase he didnt love her anymore, I have the feeling that he has a right to be with you becuase he now loves you. But im sure this is difficult for all three of you. Maybe you should tell him exactly how you feel and ask him if he still has feelings for his ex. If he does then I know youll be very upset, but you can understand that maybe you should not see him, becuase he just wasnt the right person for you. I wouldnt like to be stuck in a relationship like that. I would rather find someone who loves me and has no feelings for anyone else. If he does love you and not much his ex, then talk to him and his ex about how you both feel about each other. Obviously he is going to want to look after his own child, and its the right thing for him to do. And Im sure you realise that too. Talk to him first and if he does love you and not his ex then take it the next step further and have all three of you talk together.
Good luck hun
xx
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